Disclaimer: I never was one.
Anyhow, as I was brushing my hair this morning, noting that my sunburn sure is noticeable even on my already generally red face, I contemplated further the nugget of information I’d gleaned the other day. Apparently the long-term girlfriend of a (much younger) coauthor finds me a threat.
The true reason she finds me a threat is the same reason that the grants office loves me and editors enjoy working with me. She doesn’t know that, but the reason said coauthor has been praising me is because I get things done on time when I say they’re going to be done and if something is going off time I let him know right away. That commodity is painfully rare among academics and probably among most of the population. Maybe all the organized people go into accounting or something. Or stay in the midwest!
But I find it amusing to think that in the two times she’s briefly met me, she was so struck by my overwhelming beauty and charm that she thought there was no way that her boyfriend could help but succumb.
I sort of want to tell her not to worry, her boyfriend is short and has bad teeth (in addition to being much younger and at a different life stage), but I imagine that would not go over well. I did tell the person who said something to me to let her know that her boyfriend really just was not as perfect as my guy who I am madly in love with and not to worry. I contemplated the potential reaction to telling her I have only ever dated engineers (including computer scientists), and they all had different versions of the same name (except, of course, my current guy) which is not what her boyfriend’s name is. Though then I realized it is the name of some other folks in the department and told my imaginary self that that was probably a bad idea too.
Anyhow, as badly as I feel for her insecurity, and as amusing as I find the whole idea (ah, 20 somethings!)… it does put a little spring into this old lady’s step. It has been a long time since I’ve thought of myself as a threat to anyone! (Actually, I don’t think I ever particularly did… I always tended to attract only quiet guys who had never had a girlfriend before.)
Are you a femme fatale or ladies man? Share a story for a time when you felt attractive!
March 27, 2011 at 11:48 am
I hang out with a lot of marrieds. I have tons o strategies that keep women from being pissed off at me. I’m kinda a pro at it, actually. I work with ALL men so I’m use to talking with guys and laughing and having fun…err uhhh doesn’t work so well with married women.
Honestly though, I feel most attractive when I’m talking to a married couple, not just the guy. I don’t feel attractive talking to someones husband who is eyeballing me, he is skeezy and makes me feel skeezy.
I’m not trying to sound PC, I swear, but in reality….when I’m talking to a guy and his wife/girlfriend, and they both enjoy talking with me and she’s not threatened by me… and we’re just all having a great convo, I feel pretty solid. I feel most attractive when people find me engaging and interesting, not when they find me hot. Did that come off wrong? probably. Anyway…. boring story zzzzz, I know.
March 27, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Hm, interesting.
March 27, 2011 at 12:26 pm
I feel attractive when I’m out with my boyfriend and he points out guys who he says are eying me. Hahah. I’m not sure if he just says that or if it’s really true, because one of the side-effects of being in an 8-year relationship is that I have no idea what goes on in the dating world or what “signals” there are.
March 27, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I have no idea about the dating world either! Apparently there are rules and stuff. I don’t think guys have *ever* eyed me… well, except when I was 16 and for some reason old men in grocery stores seemed particularly friendly. And that one time in Spain in college and the airline lost my luggage and all I could afford was a skimpy dress… But never since I was a teenager.
March 27, 2011 at 8:53 pm
LOL. Here are two of mine. First, somewhere in college I realized there are, in fact, men who find me attractive. Hunh. Who knew? And then within that subset it turns out there is (or was, but I suspect is because of the basic irrationality of the group — and I don’t mean the irrationality of finding me attractive at all, but … ) a group I’ve come to label the “gunny sack men.” Because those in this small but dedicated group would, if I appeared somewhere clad in a gunny sack (and not a revealing one) would say … “Wow! You look fabulous! Wherever did you get that beautiful dress?” And they would mean it.
Sadly it turns out these men are not necessarily the sanest or even most interesting or reasonable (hard as that is to believe), and the man I married is not among them (a good thing due to their aforementioned attributes).
So. Once DH went on an outing with a group of his (male) friends and came back and said to me, “What have you done to ‘Joe’?” Now, I knew exactly what I’d done to ‘Joe,” and that was to exist in my fabulous, gunny-sack fashion: He’s one of them. But I played dumb and said, “What do you mean what have I done to ‘Joe’? I haven’t done anything to Joe.” And somewhere in this discourse (which may have gone through a few more iterations), DH said, in a how-dumb-can-’Joe’-possibly-be tone of voice, “He thinks you’re drop-dead gorgeous!” I’ve never let DH live that one down (and that he used the phrase drop-dead in his claim has come in handy more than once).
And I did once work out that someone I met at a conference who wanted to (and in fact did) co-author something with me, wasn’t actually interested in my chi squares. Go figure. Ironically (or not) I’d likely have shared the interest, except that I already had a ring on my finger (a fact that probably contributed to my failing to figure out what was going on sooner, because, well, it just really didn’t occur to me that anyone would imagine me available).
March 28, 2011 at 7:02 pm
How bizarre! Nobody has ever thought I was amazingly gorgeous, gunny-sack or not! At least not since college (except DH, of course).
I can’t imagine ever wanting to do anything physical with any of my coauthors, even if I weren’t happily married. They’re totally in the wrong discipline. Maybe if I coauthored with engineers.
March 27, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Well, a gigolo wannabe DID hit on me, twice, in a London hostel.
http://www.donnafreedman.com/2011/03/16/the-cougar-in-spite-of-herself/
March 28, 2011 at 4:46 pm
rawr!
March 28, 2011 at 6:14 am
I was the queen of being the ‘first girlfriend’.
I am not/was not a femme fatale by any means. I was not a game player, and I tell it like it is. I remember some of my friends would not eat in front of their boyfriend and do other dumb things that just made no sense to me. Who wants to go on a date and not eat?? So, I think some males may have been intimidated by me because I wasn’t some little flower that needed to be taken care of.
March 28, 2011 at 6:25 am
Queen of being first girlfriend… me too! I don’t think I’ve ever dated someone who had experience with girls before. Hopefully I never will!
March 29, 2011 at 10:55 am
Some people wouldn’t eat in front of their boyfriends?
WHY???
What’s a guy going to do, drop a girl because she likes to eat? That’s insane.
I know guys that probably did equally silly things to look good in front of their girlfriends, to be fair.
March 28, 2011 at 7:41 am
I’ve always been pretty insecure about my looks. But when I look back now at photos of me in my 20′s I now think I was pretty attractive back then. I am kicking myself for not realizing it and constantly picking apart every flaw.
Guys never approached me in bars. I used to think it was that I wasn’t their type, but now I’m wondering if I was just unapproachable and intimidating. One of the technicians at work used to say I was wearing my “intimidating shoes” whenever I wore boots with any kind of heel to work.
The only people who compliment my looks these days are much older and are usually are eligible to collect social security.
March 28, 2011 at 7:57 am
Nobody compliments my looks except my partner!
March 28, 2011 at 10:16 am
Well you know about the glasses insanity.
Other than that, I’ve been called sexy on more than one occassion and am yet to get a clear answer on what that even MEANS. And I’ve been told I have a hell of a walk– again whatever THAT means. But I am quite sure i clean up nice and I’ve felt (and caught) eyes before.
It’s funny because when I was much younger, I had some very bold girlfriends and I was never the first girl to get hit on but I was always the one who um sealed the deal shall we say? I was definitely more femme fatale in my younger 20′s (and am totally paying for it) but most people have confessed I took them by surprise– very innocent and quiet LOOKING. I’ve never thought of myself as physically typically attractive but thought it was always the confidence. Apparently, I’m wrong and maybe starting to be ok with believing it.
And by the way, most women hate me for the reason your first commenter mentioned– grew up with nothing but boys and have always mixed in more as one of them than one of the girls. The girls HATE that. They have issues with their man respecting a woman that’s not them of course. We’re our worst enemies I tell you LOL
March 28, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Don’t worry, we don’t hate you. I always say, you can’t “steal” a man who doesn’t want to be stolen. I think the whole thing is silly! If men respect you, good for you. Personally, I like my man to be respectful to other women.
March 29, 2011 at 8:00 pm
16 year old boys like to gawk at me at stop lights. I’m pretty sure it’s just because of my big sun glasses and my dirty windows obscuring the view…and the fact that my backseat windows are tinted, hiding my small children. :) Other than that, I’m pretty sure I’ve never been a threat.