That’s not to say they’re my only Catholic relatives– we were all brought up Catholic (who wasn’t!). Some of us converted to religions that better express our beliefs about social equity (such as Episcopalian), some are Christmas and Easter Catholics, some are even more lapsed and secular.
One of my uncles married a not very nice woman (I say she is not very nice because she was a bitch to me at my grandmother’s funeral because I dare be a working mother) and had a passel of children. The not very nice woman did not work. IIRC, my uncle is/was a forest ranger or something like that. Growing up I remember seeing videos of the family opening their Christmas presents (they would send the video to my grandma and she would show it) and being absolutely astonished at all the fancy electronics they could afford and we couldn’t, not even including the video camera they were using to shoot the footage!
Turns out, spending a lot of money doesn’t actually mean that you *have* the money to spend.
But this isn’t a story about relatives making foolish choices with their money. This is a story about hypocrisy and me being judgmental, judging the judgers.
These folks have drunk the Fox News koolaid. They quote “Rush.” (Not the band– people who listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio are apparently on a first name basis with him.) They complain about how the lamestream media is out to get Sarah Palin and death panels are going to destroy the nation’s elderly. (No matter how many times my other poor uncle, the one who took care of my late Grandmother unfailingly for over a decade after my parents could no longer lift her, tried to explain how helpful it would have been to know what *she* wanted before she descended into Alzheimer’s.)
They complain about all the poor people who don’t work and expect government handouts. Government shouldn’t give out health care. Government shouldn’t feed kids. Government shouldn’t aid the poor. Government shouldn’t help people get educated. The poor should help themselves. Apparently they don’t realize that the Catholic church has some pretty important tenets that have nothing to do with Gay marriage or the status of women.
My liberal elitist relatives, including my own parents, the ones who saved instead of buying those boom boxes and video game systems (back when such things were pricy), are sending their myriad children to college. That’s 2 high-powered careerist aunts (one with children, one without) and my own working parents. Giving charity to this family of supposed Catholics who thinks nobody should be allowed charity. Having the money to do it because the women worked and the families saved. We take care of our own, even if we disagree with their parents.
The one kid we’re not sending to college (yet, anyway) is a son who is serving our country in Afghanistan. He has fallen in love, with an American Christian even. They’re getting married. In a church. But she’s not Catholic, so it isn’t a Catholic church. So my uncle and his wife are refusing to attend. They’re not even paying for the reception and they think they should have final say in the type of church. They’re refusing to attend the wedding ceremony of an American soldier serving overseas in a dangerous country, their own son, because he is not getting married in a Catholic church. They’re also not allowing his siblings to attend.
That is just reprehensible. I am ashamed to be related to these people. If they were some small sect evangelical I might understand better (disagree with, but understand why it is consistent with their religious beliefs), but they are giving Catholics a bad name.
The wonderful thing about the Catholic church is its reminder that we are supposed to do Good Works. What we believe is not as important as what we Do (though both are important). They couldn’t have been listening to my Grandma’s wonderful funeral sermon, because that’s pretty much what the priest officiating reminded us, illustrating that reminder with the wonderful things my late grandmother did throughout her life (come to think of it, this uncle did spend the entire time complaining about the funeral– the rest of us thought it was bang-up). Story after story in the New Testament reminds us how we are supposed to help those less fortunate than ourselves. More than one story tells us how we’re supposed to act with grace and forgiveness, especially with relations, when they do something of which we disapprove. And the Catholic church does not twist these messages– they go full out. We accept prodigal sons, we forgive prostitutes, we love, we guide, we help.
All of my liberal elite relatives will be going to this wedding. My aunt will be acting in place of mother of the groom. We’re going to show this young couple that they do have support, and our family was brought up in love and respect and kindness, just like we’re showing them the value of charity as we help them reach their own goals.
We will help the children of this family get educated because their parents did not save. We will be there when the depressed daughter who is possibly a drug addict is ready for help (her parents “don’t know,” though she could not be more obvious– my medical professional aunt is keeping a watchful eye). And we will definitely be there for one of the most important days of this young man’s life.
And if eventually the grown children renounce their parents’ ways and see that there’s another way? Well, that’s kind of what true Catholicism is all about. Not the renouncing so much, but the going to where the love is. Putting good deeds into action. Helping others as you have been helped yourself. Giving back to the less fortunate. (And maybe making a few converts in the process to carry on God’s Good Works.) It’s a shame that this couple is turning their backs on that.
Would you judge these relatives harshly for refusing to go to their son’s wedding? Did you think the Catholic church was all bad?
(#2 has a somewhat different view of Catholicism, but I agree with much of what #1 says, so let’s leave it there. Also, Jesuits have good wine at parties and Jesuits in Space are totally awesome. #1 is not denying that there are bad things about Catholicism… but charity is kind of one of their big things. BTW, these relatives hate the Jesuits and think Notre Dame is too liberal [it's actually very conservative] because Obama spoke there. I think maybe that’s just an excuse because they didn’t want to tell their daughter they couldn’t afford ND even if she got in, but whatever.)