Answering questions posed by Christmas carols

Is it far to Bethlehem City?  How long is a piece of string?

May we touch the gentle oxen?  Yes.

May we pull the curly sheeps’ wool?  Please don’t.

Do you hear what I hear?  The question you should be asking is, Do you smell what I smell?

Oh sisters too/ how may we do/ for to preserve this day/ this poor youngling for whom we do sing / by by lully lullay…?  National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Who is the King of Glory?  Duh, it’s the Lord of Hosts, pay attention.

What child is this, who, laid to rest, in Mary’s lap is sleeping?  Once again, you’re not paying attention.

I wonder as I wander… Sorry, that’s not a question.

What was in those ships all three, on Christmas Day in the morning?  Probably smuggled rum and spices.

How shall I send thee?  I’m gonna send thee right to the campus writing center because you don’t know what a topic sentence is.

Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?  F*ck you, pay me.

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