You need both: How to change (#notall) bad guys’ minds: A deliberately controversial post

Important notice:  today is a national call about saying no to the wall and yes to end the shutdown day.  We need phones to ring or our senators of every hue will think that the only people who care are the Fox News viewers who have been telling them to build the wall.  Here is the 5calls script https://5calls.org/issue/end-the-government-shutdown-with-no-strings-attached- and here is the indivisible script and explainer  https://indivisible.org/resource/trumps-latest-temper-tantrum-and-showdown-over-wall .

Now back to your regularly scheduled blogpost.

There’s been a lot of talk about whether it’s better to punch Nazis/shun Trump supporters, or whether it is better to listen and gently try to change them.  It’s always presented as an either/or.  The NY Times and other publications write article upon article about how the left needs to be more tolerant.  (Narrator:  It doesn’t.)

Here’s my no-research-done opinion.  We need the majority of people out there shunning Nazis/Trumpists and a much smaller number of selfless souls willing to be the “good cop” to gently listen to their feefees and to explain to them how to make their way back into society as non-racists.  We need people yelling at politicians in restaurants and throwing pies in Nazi faces and dis-inviting racist uncles from dinner and we need a lot more of them than we need that one empathetic person that picks up the pieces later.

At a recent faculty retreat, one of the professors made the point that our students don’t realize their writing is bad until they get bad grades on it.  Only then do they start listening to how to improve it.  Gently correcting comments are ignored if there’s an A on the front of the first page.  In the same way, we need a strong front of letting people know what is unacceptable in society, and then a little bit of gentle direction on how to fix it.  But not everybody has to be the teacher.  In fact, it isn’t any good if there are no social consequences and everybody accommodates the missing stair.

So go out there and be intolerant of racists!  Do it without guilt!  If you see one that has reached the bottom and wants a hand up, go ahead and listen (#DeliciousNaziTears) if you want to, but don’t feel obligated.  And certainly don’t feel the need to be nice to one who isn’t already questioning.  It’s not your job to be the Nazi Whisperer.  These people don’t deserve more time than the people that they are hurting.

Book recommendation: So You Want to Talk About Race, by Ijeoma Oluo.  Give it to everyone you know.  Then resume yelling at racists and telling them to get on up out of here with their wack opinions.

Grumpeteers, what’s the snappiest comeback you’ve heard?

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Belated Grumpy Rumblings 2018 Year in Blogging

Late because #1 is overburdened with service and teaching this year and has been sick and just has not had time for much of anything.   She does not like being in charge of everything, which I guess is what happens when you gain seniority and other people in seniority retire or become department chair so you end up being asked to do the service they did before they retired or got tapped for chair.  :(

Traffic continues its downward trend.  Again, blog traffic in general is down, and we haven’t really been doing deliberately controversial posts, we’re not on twitter, etc.  Or maybe we’re just not sparking joy for people and getting weeded because of Kondomania.  Comments are about the same, number of likes has more than doubled.

These are the posts that got the most views in 2018:

• 1 My cousin’s wedding December 2011
• 2 Liberty Tabletop Review: We bought cutlery April 2017
• 3 Sleep and gifted preschoolers August 2011
• 4 Googly questions and answers April 2017 (I have no idea why it got 801 views this year)
• 5 Options for handling the long unpaid summer May 2018

I think these probably show an increase in people finding our blog via googling and perhaps a decrease in conversations across blogs (or twitter) bringing in traffic.  Again, only one of these is from 2018 and the #1 post is still from students trying to plagiarize a really common composition assignment. We have cornered the market on plagiarizing a short essay about a relative’s wedding.

According to our stats, here’s the most popular posts from 2018:

• Options for handling the long unpaid summer
• “Pretending” to be a Darth Vader husband is not cool or funny
• Networking FTW (part 2)!! Or how to get the job you really wanted in 10 short years
• Who is selfish? (btw, that mom is still driving way out to another bus stop)
• Fear of running out of money

Top referring sites were:

• ana-begins.blogspot.com
• bardiac.blogspot.com
• academic-jungle.blogspot.com
• http://funny-about-money.com/
• http://naturalscientist.blogspot.com/

Most visitors came from The United States. Canada & India came next.

Our most commented post was DH got a 10% raise and now we’re really going to have some obnoxious money posts (note to self for next year:  this stat is now hidden under “insights” and is no longer on site stats)

I can’t get the most active commenters for the year, only for some undetermined amount of time. :( These were the 5 most active commenters on that unspecified amount of time:

1.  Revanche@agaishanlife 67
2.  rose 46
3.  gasstationwithoutpumps 44
4.  Debbie M 39
5.  Leah 38

Man, Chacha totally fell off the map this year!

Yay Revanche!  This means you get to tell us where to donate our most recent month’s proceeds from amazon sales.  Either tell us and link up in the comments (if you want more exposure) or email us at grumpyrumblings at gmail if you want it to be more secret-like.

Any blog commentary or highlights from the grumpy gallery?  Also, congratulate Revanche in the comments.  :)

Link love

Thousands more migrant children were separated from parents, according to new watchdog report

Just your regular reminder that Puerto Rico is a part of the United States. Which means this 👇🏿 is anti-American. https://t.co/3uOAvnYjBk

— W. Kamau Bell (@wkamaubell) January 18, 2019

McConnell Angrily Accuses Democrats Of Trying To Win Elections By Making It Possible For People To Vote For Them https://t.co/yA346SffYL

— Kashana (@kashanacauley) January 17, 2019

Young trans children know who they are

We need to make this clearer.

In refusing votes on Dem bills reopening govt, Mitch McConnell isn't merely sitting on sidelines.

He's *actively shielding* Trump from having to veto them once they pass.

This, even though he *knows* Trump has no endgame:https://t.co/gIMeGPx0Vp pic.twitter.com/yrbghnDPgc

— Greg Sargent (@ThePlumLineGS) January 15, 2019

I propose a new law that anyone who publicly talks about US taxes in a way that does not incorporate the reality of marginal tax rates is then subsequently taxed wholly at the maximum rate for their income. Since they apparently believe that's the way it works anyway. https://t.co/7qjhIbMJdg

— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 15, 2019

Explaining marginal taxes to a far-right former Governor:

Imagine if you did chores for abuela & she gave you $10. When you got home, you got to keep it, because it’s only $10.

Then we taxed the billionaire in town because he’s making tons of money underpaying the townspeople. https://t.co/Wcnn2sEgek

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) January 15, 2019

Cardi B on the government shutdown: pic.twitter.com/li19TSC8y6

— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) January 17, 2019

A handy way to keep track of your senators’ and reps’ votes on issues important to you. Of course there are other ways to look them up but this has a nice interface.

NBC News standards sent guidance to staffers telling them not to call Steve King's comments racist but instead that reporters should say, "‘what many are calling racist’ or something like that." https://t.co/2asCyNHomt pic.twitter.com/1dHRi03K3n

— andrew kaczynski (@KFILE) January 15, 2019

TW:  sexual assault.  We all have to survive

Mixed race authors writing books with mixed race characters

black feminist bookshop

Variation in women’s success across phd programs in economics

RIP Jack Bogle

This is a good description of anxiety

If you liked tough mudder you’ll love the latest obstacle course for adults: navigating your depression

Some controversy about the gilette ad. #1 liked it, but is disappointed that they’re only showing it online, not on TV. Good way to target demographic but not really that brave.

Modern building materials

How I fought through burnout and found a new career

So many ads for underwear

I don’t care about the Marie Kondo book debate, I just wanna know why she doesn’t ask the women if their husbands truly spark joy or if they should be thanked and removed.

— Amy Gray (@_AmyGray_) January 6, 2019

Amazing paper art (h/t revanche)

I am hooked on these videos

Ask the grumpies: What the heck happened to Toys R Us?

Leah asks:

Trying to understand leveraged buyouts: why are they done, and why, legally, can it happen even if the people in the company don’t want it to happen? One of my friends was making noise about how Toys R Us didn’t go under due to a bad business model. He said it was due to a leveraged buy out and the company being saddled with debt. How does that even work?

We don’t really know.   Which isn’t to say that people don’t know, I mean, there’s definitely some knowledge that Mitt Romney’s company killed it by doing a leveraged buyout in 2005, but we don’t really understand the whole leveraged buyout thing and why it’s allowed given that it can destroy companies at minimal risk to the hedge fund doing the destruction.  Seems like something government should be regulating better, but isn’t.

Here’s a brief explanation on why Toys R Us went under from CNN Money.

Here’s bloomberg with a longer explanation.

Here’s NBC News.

More detailed info on how leveraged buyouts are supposed to work and that it didn’t in this case.

The Atlantic also explains at length.

Do you want to read about a buff male nanny?

I didn’t think I wanted to read this book.  I almost never read contemporary hetero romances.  But I found this author’s twitter and the book seemed delightful.

Rafe: A Buff Male Nanny, by Rebekah Weatherspoon (from The Ripped Bodice bookstore!)

It also gave me the chance to try out our library’s new way they’re doing ILL.  Hence, this chat log:

Me: much as I feel silly about the title… I really do recommend RAFE: A buff male nanny. One thing I like about it is that neither of the main characters is hiding a deep dark secret that could change everything if only they knew . . .

#2: The employer-employee thing isn’t squicky?

Me: I didn’t find it squicky but YMMV.  One reason it wasn’t squicky was cuz they put it out there before he got hired. Like he said, “I’m really attracted to you, but I promise I will never let it affect how I care for your children. Knowing that, do you still want to hire me?”

#2: That’s better than her saying that.

Me: Yes. In fact she didn’t admit she was attracted to him for a little while after (although she was!). *And* he never did let it get in the way of loving those little kids.

The next one she’s writing is the best friend’s story, which we just get a hint of at the end of this one. I really want that one.
Like one of the last lines in the book, after it’s all happily ever after, 2 years later, is the best friend sending a text to the heroine.
The other characters show up in other books of hers, as romance series tend to go. But I want to read Xenia’s story next.  The author’s note at the end says that the others will eventually get their happy-ever-afters, too.

#2: Nice

Me: It was remarkably un-angtsy, all things considered. Like when the woman gets angsty, she texts her friend, who cheers her up.

#2: Yay

Me: also they both have good relationships with their parents. Their family relationships aren’t simple, but these days they’re pretty good!
There is an awful ex. Don’t worry about him too much though.

SO…. give it a shot. Has anyone else here read this book or this author?

DH researches cooktops

Here is his final report:

TL;DR: gas cooktop, Samsung NA30N7755TG @ ~$1400.

Note that reviews do not seem very useful. Professional review websites do not review all the options, e.g., only reviewing 36″ cooktops, not 30″ cooktops, or they tend to parrot back Consumer Reports, or they have a clear bias without seeming to cover all aspects (e.g., everyone should go induction). Reviews on online stores (e.g., AJ Madison, appliancesconnection.com, amazon, and Home Depot) are not in high numbers, tend to be copied from each other, often are acquired through promotions, do not go into great detail, and are either 1-star due to failure or 5-star because there’s no failure. All cooktops seem to have failure issues…sometimes broken out of the box, other times completely failing after months or 1-2 years, but it looks like gas cooktops have fewer quality control complaints than induction cooktops.
I mostly used the above-mentioned four websites to shop around.

I would rather go with my gas cooktop top pick over my induction top pick, but the electrical engineer in me wishes that wasn’t the case. If we decided to re-wire that outlet for a 40 or 50 Amp circuit (it is currently 30Amps), then I would want induction instead.

The deciding reason between my two top picks is that the gas cooktop’s layout is just so much better, with a good burner in the front-right (the big burner is in the very center so I’m not as worried about scorching the wall). In comparison, the induction cooktop’s two front hobs are each only 6″ diameter, and our normal pans are 8″. So with the induction cooktop we would end up cooking on the large back hob 90% of the time. I am pretty sure I will find it very annoying to have to reach back to do stir-frying, flip pancakes, etc. I do wish the gas cooktop was only 4 burners, instead of 5, but I guess if they’re going to put the big burner right in the center then they may as well put burners in each of the corners.

Both of the below cooktops have the power I want. Neither seems to stand-out in terms of quality or brand-name. Both would fit (though we may want an extra half-inch of countertop front-to-back for the gas cooktop). Gas has open flame which I’d really rather avoid, while induction has a fan/noise which I would somewhat like to avoid. I am mostly ignoring the fact that we would need new pans for the induction cooktop, because it would be so much easier to keep clean that I would be happy to get new cookware. An unknown about induction is whether or not we would be ok with the controls (on/off/power setting etc)…I’m guessing we wouldn’t have a problem but some reviews are negative about induction cooktop controls.

Gas:

For gas, there were three main points.
First, I wanted just 4 burners. Second, I wanted a high output on at least one burner, at least 18+k BTU. These two wants are hard to find together. Nice 30″ wide cooktops (i.e., ones with a high output burner) almost invariably have 5 burners, while 4 burner systems are almost invariably low-output. I care more about the high output, so that wins out over the number of burners.

The third main point was that space/installation constraints prevented several models from working…primarily spacing constraints to the back wall, or from the top of the counter to the top of the silverware drawer under the cooktop. The top of our silverware drawer is 5″ below the top of our current counter.

It would also be nice to have dishwasher-safe grates.

My final pick was:
Samsung NA30N7755TG (black stainless steel) or NA30N7755TS (stainless steel) for ~$1400. 5 burners. 22k BTU center burner. Dishwasher-safe grates (according to Home Depot– Samsung says not so much). Explicitly requires less than 4″ from countertop down to the top of under drawer. Comes with griddle and wok grate.
Note that it requires 2&7/8″ from the back of the cutout to the back wall.
It does not state how much countertop is required from the front of the cutout to the front of the countertop…we should be fine with the current countertop size but would probably be better off with another half-inch of countertop.
Consumer Reports gave a 36″ Samsung gas cooktop its top rating…and it looks like this is the newer version of the 30″ model that corresponded to that 36″.

My runner-up was:
Cafe CGP95302MS1 for $1400. 5 burners. 20K BTU center burner. Dishwasher-safe grates. Explicitly requires less than 4″ from countertop down to the top of under drawer. Comes with griddle. This model was roughly the same price as my top pick, the same layout, and the same space constraints, but it has a bit lower output, and it requires a total of ~5.5″ of counter-top behind and in front of the cutout, which means a total countertop depth of 19.5+5.5=25″, while our current countertop is only 24.5″….that’s probably not a big deal since an extra half inch of countertop might be nice anyway.

Induction:

For induction, there are four main concerns.
I want just 4 burners or as close to that as possible.
I want a high output on at least one burner, at least 3500 kW with boost, and I wanted that burner to be 10-11″ diameter.
I want to be able to fit the silverware drawer, which is currently 5″ below the top of the countertop.
I want to keep the current 30 Amp circuit breaker, which eliminated most of the high-end (i.e., high output and large diameter burner) options. If we relax this constraint we get a lot more good cooktops to consider, but random websearching suggests that would add a few hundred dollars to installation.

Spacing from the front of the countertop, and from the countertop to the wall, can also be an issue…but it’s less of an issue than for gas cooktops.

This is a good FAQ: http://theinductionsite.com/selecting-induction.php

This website had a good collection of info
http://theinductionsite.com/buildin-residential-30-inch-induction-units.php

Induction cooktops have built-in fans that automatically turn on to keep the circuitry cool. They can also make noises due to motion and flex in the pans. They also require space for airflow in the cabinets below the cooktop…that shouldn’t be a problem for us because that volume is mostly empty and open.

My final pick was Bosch NIT5068UC for $1500.
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Bosch-500-Series-30-in-Induction-Cooktop-in-Black-with-4-SpeedBoost-Elements-including-Two-3-700-Watt-Elements-NIT5068UC/304812437

Runner-up:
-Bosch NITP068SUC for $2400, which meets all the requirements above, and has a somewhat nicer layout than the NIT8068UC…but $900 is a big price difference.

Comments, Grumpy Nation?

Link Love

Ironically, a 70% marginal tax is much more moderate than historical alternatives such as the guillotine, which only took off the top 13% or so.

— Erik Hinton (@erikhinton) January 7, 2019

do we need affordable healthcare or does bruce wayne need a seventeenth batmobile i think you know the answer

— david, i guess (@damnyouwillis) January 7, 2019

Inside the federal bureau of way too many guns

Live blogging the most important address to the nation this week

FIRST EXCERPT FROM TRUMP'S WALL SPEECH RELEASED: pic.twitter.com/HpwKpVHbXQ

— LOLGOP👀 (@LOLGOP) January 8, 2019

So, um… check out the updates to this story about a probably fake Da Vinci painting

This old tv show trump scam artist is real.

WTF?

Kids these days… their rebellions are kind of awesome

I don’t care about the Marie Kondo book debate, I just wanna know why she doesn’t ask the women if their husbands truly spark joy or if they should be thanked and removed.

— Amy Gray (@_AmyGray_) January 6, 2019

A useless but fun perspective on money

Miser mom turns calendars into gift boxes.

Ladies, if he is:

– a timid
– obsequious
– teacup-passing
– thin-bread-and-butter-offering
– yes-man
– who women of my Aunt Dahlia’s type nearly always like at first sight

… he's not your man …

He's Gussie Fink-Nottle.

— Ben Schott (@benschott) January 5, 2019

Locate a local independent bookstore near you

Two of the Jayne Krentz books I’ve read recently have a main character making this

mmmmmm