Because nobody really knows who we are on this blog, I felt like this might be a good place to confess secrets that we can’t tell anyone who knows us (except each other). We’d better do it now before we get so famous that people try to expose our identities!
Like… I have written some really bad fiction, purely for my own amusement and for nobody else’s eyes. I have Eminem on my iPod, along with musicals, the Corrs (shhh!), Weird Al, some tracks from South Park and Family Guy, and a whole bunch of Baroque music. I have a secret desire to dress outlandishly in public. I don’t like children much. (Shhh!) My mother wishes I lived closer, but I think that would be bad for our relationship. I think my colleague takes care of her cat wrong but her children right. I don’t like my other friend’s new house very much. I think our new faculty hire looks really young, and I am really jealous that zie got to bring hir partner with hir to this place. I am terrible at cleaning all the things.
#2, what would you like to confess?
#2: Wait? I thought you LOVED children? Is that just babies? (#1: Yes, I love babies, but only babies.) Um… I secretly don’t like children either. It seems like I like kids who are a 2 year age window around my little one. I will know it is time to have a second when babies start looking cute instead of goopy again. I make the appropriate cooing and gushing noises but they’re lies. Especially since most babies are wet lumps and can’t DO anything. Don’t worry, my kid was different. I can also handle being around kids if I’m teaching them something. I have taught quite a lot of long division and double digit multiplication on Southwest Airlines plane rides…
I wish my car had power locks though it didn’t used to bother me. I also procrastinate A LOT. But I tend to meet deadlines. I hate feeling rushed. I have a tendency to want to fix people that I have to fight after learning that you really can’t fix people unless they want to be fixed… it may work temporarily but they tend to get clingy and things get messed up. So I try to stay in the background. Sometimes when you don’t try to fix things they get fixed on their own.
I waver between feeling arrogant and feeling incompetent. I play with the big leagues and many of the important people know my name (just this year!), but my cv looks like crap comparatively… I’m not yet one of them. I constantly war with the desire to become one of them and the desire to relax more and just get tenure here and enjoy life, build wealth etc. When I compare my cv to 80 or 90% of the profession out the same number of years, it looks above average. Do I want to kill myself to become one of them or am I content on the fringe or could maybe disappear off the map and still be happy? I would probably be happier if I had less ambition. I often think about ditching it all and moving to the bay area, but I’m secretly unsure that I would be happy without feeding my ambition. This year I have been having a very difficult time concentrating.
I tell people I’m not on facebook because I don’t want to deal with telling students I don’t want to be their friends. But really I’m afraid that if I were on facebook I would spend all my time on it and never work again.
I am incapable of not answering direct questions. I’m a little bit self-absorbed. I used to only like crazy people because they’re interesting (for a while I only had one truly sane friend… though #1 has mellowed a lot through the years). But I got burned really badly recently and find that I’m gravitating towards much more boring and mature people, preferably with kids my child’s age. So now I only have one crazy friend who is legacy (not #1… she’s mellowed a lot (#1: HEY NOW.)). We’ll see if that friendship survives her moving close to us. This blogger sums up my attitudes towards fashion. Man I am so lazy.
Is that enough soul searching?
#1: yeah, that’s probably enough for one post, though you have reminded me that I have bad, bad CV envy and feel defensive about mine. Doh!
In conclusion, why don’t more people name their cats Piewacket?