Secret Confessions of Pseudonymous Bloggers

Because nobody really knows who we are on this blog, I felt like this might be a good place to confess secrets that we can’t tell anyone who knows us (except each other).  We’d better do it now before we get so famous that people try to expose our identities!

Like… I have written some really bad fiction, purely for my own amusement and for nobody else’s eyes.  I have Eminem on my iPod, along with musicals, the Corrs (shhh!), Weird Al, some tracks from South Park and Family Guy, and a whole bunch of Baroque music.  I have a secret desire to dress outlandishly in public.  I don’t like children much.  (Shhh!)  My mother wishes I lived closer, but I think that would be bad for our relationship.  I think my colleague takes care of her cat wrong but her children right.  I don’t like my other friend’s new house very much.  I think our new faculty hire looks really young, and I am really jealous that zie got to bring hir partner with hir to this place.  I am terrible at cleaning all the things.

#2, what would you like to confess?

#2:  Wait?  I thought you LOVED children?  Is that just babies?  (#1: Yes, I love babies, but only babies.)  Um… I secretly don’t like children either.  It seems like I like kids who are a 2 year age window around my little one.  I will know it is time to have a second when babies start looking cute instead of goopy again. I make the appropriate cooing and gushing noises but they’re lies.  Especially since most babies are wet lumps and can’t DO anything.  Don’t worry, my kid was different.  I can also handle being around kids if I’m teaching them something.  I have taught quite a lot of long division and double digit multiplication on Southwest Airlines plane rides…

I wish my car had power locks though it didn’t used to bother me.  I also procrastinate A LOT.  But I tend to meet deadlines.  I hate feeling rushed.  I have a tendency to want to fix people that I have to fight after learning that you really can’t fix people unless they want to be fixed… it may work temporarily but they tend to get clingy and things get messed up.  So I try to stay in the background.  Sometimes when you don’t try to fix things they get fixed on their own.

I waver between feeling arrogant and feeling incompetent.  I play with the big leagues and many of the important people know my name (just this year!), but my cv looks like crap comparatively… I’m not yet one of them.  I constantly war with the desire to become one of them and the desire to relax more and just get tenure here and enjoy life, build wealth etc.  When I compare my cv to 80 or 90% of the profession out the same number of years, it looks above average.  Do I want to kill myself to become one of them or am I content on the fringe or could maybe disappear off the map and still be happy?  I would probably be happier if I had less ambition.  I often think about ditching it all and moving to the bay area, but I’m secretly unsure that I would be happy without feeding my ambition.  This year I have been having a very difficult time concentrating.

I tell people I’m not on facebook because I don’t want to deal with telling students I don’t want to be their friends.  But really I’m afraid that if I were on facebook I would spend all my time on it and never work again.

I am incapable of not answering direct questions.  I’m a little bit self-absorbed.  I used to only like crazy people because they’re interesting (for a while I only had one truly sane friend… though #1 has mellowed a lot through the years).  But I got burned really badly recently and find that I’m gravitating towards much more boring and mature people, preferably with kids my child’s age.  So now I only have one crazy friend who is legacy (not #1… she’s mellowed a lot (#1: HEY NOW.)).  We’ll see if that friendship survives her moving close to us.  This blogger sums up my attitudes towards fashion.  Man I am so lazy.

Is that enough soul searching?

#1: yeah, that’s probably enough for one post, though you have reminded me that I have bad, bad CV envy and feel defensive about mine.  Doh!

In conclusion, why don’t more people name their cats Piewacket?

Kim Novak and Piewacket

11 Responses to “Secret Confessions of Pseudonymous Bloggers”

  1. Holly Says:

    Love the cat photo and love this post. Keep the confessions coming…!

  2. Everyday Tips Says:

    I love Prince, and have seen him in concert countless times.
    I worry that my grandchildren (one day) will be brats and I won’t want to be around them. I hold grudges like none other, must be the German in me. (So I am told.)

  3. Val Says:

    Wow! Don’t hold back! LOL!
    I’ve got confessions too. I WISH My MIL lived far far away. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? She lives downstairs.
    The 3 hour buffer between me and my parents is PERFECT!
    My 19 year old is a jerk most of the time. Ssh! Who said that?!
    Love the cat picture! Who EVER named their cat Piewacket?

  4. nicoleandmaggie Says:

    Holly– Thanks! It is an awesome picture, though it doesn’t make me want to see Bell, Book and Candle again. I always dislike the theme of women losing their magic along with their virginity (or in this case their hearts, since it’s a 1950s movie and not a 1970s book by Andre Norton).

    ET– Remind me not to get on your bad side! And I’m sure your grandchildren will be great… or at least they’ll be great around you. Grandparents are always awesome.

    Val– I love distance from the relatives. It really does foster congenial family relations. Downstairs would probably kill us. According to Wikipedia, it should actually be Pyewacket.

  5. Budgeting in the Fun Stuff Says:

    I love this idea! Okay here I go:

    I also think babies are boring. Kids only get fun when they can move around and get really fun when they start talking back (of course, this is my non-parent pov).

    I want my husband’s Prius. I thought he was a wussy when he refused to learn to drive a manual transmission (he learned a couple of weeks ago, I am so proud).

    I have no career ambition and would be perfectly happy blogging full time. I don’t have much ambition in life overall – I want to be happy, want to make others laugh, and want to grow old with my husband doing those two things…that’s it.

    I like volunteering because it’s an ego boost to be appreciated. That’t the same reason I donate blood every 8 weeks. I love my dogs because they act like I’m perfect even when I obviously am not.

    I am soooo jealous that my parents are more generous with my sisters than they are/ever were with me (time and money). I really dislike half my uncles and aunts. I refuse to go to any large family gathering on my mom’s side because of all the drama between everybody.

    I have a dependent personality and can’t be alone too long without feeling bad. I’m alone right now since Mr. BFS is officiating and my friends all had plans and I’m feeling down.

    I really wish the paranormal was real – mainly fairies, unicorns, pegasus, magic, the Loch Ness Monster, and ghosts. I’m too realistic to believe in ghosts even though I really would love to.

    Okay, I could go on forever, but there you go. :-)

  6. nicoleandmaggie Says:

    BFS– There’s lots of company of people spending Friday nights at home on the internet! Hope this evening gets less lonely… hm… I wonder if there’s any ads for BBT on the internets…

  7. Weekly Favorites and Gratitude! «Budgeting In the Fun Stuff Says:

    […] Rumblings of the Untenured with Secret Confessions of Pseudonymous Bloggers  I loved being able to confess […]

  8. Holly Says:

    BFS — Be careful what you wish for…too much love from the parents can backfire, too…ya know?!

  9. Funny about Money Says:

    What a hoot!

    Well, let’s see…. I’ve never cared for children, probably because I was an unpopular child loathed by my contemporaries. As a child, I returned the feeling, and to this day I dislike being around children. Little monsters, all of them. ;-)

    I’m glad to be free but sometimes wish I was still back with the oppressive husband so I wouldn’t have to worry about making a living.

    I give my son more than I should because I believe running away from my ex- when he was 16 harmed him.

    And I’m right about that. To this day his life is blighted.

  10. Favorites wk of Sept 6th – The Debt Reduction Edition. Says:

    […] Rumblings had a comical post about pseudonymous bloggers.  Some people know who my real self is, so even though some of my posts are pretty personal, I […]

  11. I used to like people more | Grumpy Rumblings (of the formerly untenured) Says:

    […] since I no longer try to fix people, that means any annoyingness, any self-destruction… that’s permanent, and not […]

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