- You always ask 3 times just to be polite. You sure? 100% sure? Ok then…
- “Thank you for having us” “Thank you for coming”
- Children address adults by Mr. and Mrs. Lastname.
- You say what you mean and you mean what you say.
- If you can’t say anything nice, you don’t say anything at all. Silence is deadly.
- You feel uncomfortable baring your soul to people you just met. You would rather talk about the weather.
- You feel uncomfortable when someone you barely know bares their soul at you. You would rather talk about the weather.
- You don’t ask intrusive questions to other people.
- You always offer food. Happy? Food! Dog died? Food. Visiting? Food!
- After a party, you have enough food leftover to throw another party.
- Things like french onion dip (made from the lipton soup package) or cream cheese stuffed salami sound homey.
- You HATE being late.
- You have funny songs for all the states that border you, or can mimic their accents. (Except Iowa, for some reason. Maybe ‘cuz The Music Man’s got them covered.)
- “You wanna go with?”
- Puppy chow is nummy! (Do not give to actual puppies.)
- You feel nervous if it’s storming and there isn’t a basement nearby.
- You know how to drive in the snow.
- You hold doors for people, regardless of gender.
Any fellow midwesterners or transplants want to add to our list?
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June 3, 2011 at 2:13 am
When I lived in Missouri, I was shocked I was in the Midwest since I had always lived somewhere in the South.
You know you are from the Midwest if there are combines and other farm equipment in the Christmas parade. I had never before and never after seen farm equipment in a Christmas parade. It was just bizarre. People thought that my confusion was bizarre. You are in the Midwest if you hear hog futures as part of the nightly news and radio programming. (think that was what it was)
June 3, 2011 at 5:50 am
John Deere is a hero!
June 3, 2011 at 6:04 am
In the car, you run the heater on the way to work and the A/C on the way home.
June 3, 2011 at 6:11 am
I hadn’t heard that one. I thought that was more of a desert-living thing.
June 3, 2011 at 7:04 am
If your idea of entertainment is an agricultural/state fair and an arts and crafts show!
June 3, 2011 at 7:09 am
YES!
June 3, 2011 at 7:10 am
I am originally from Illinois.
June 3, 2011 at 7:20 am
Land of corn. And Lincoln. And indicted governors. Upstate or downstate?
June 3, 2011 at 7:39 am
Since everything south of Chicago is downstate . . . I am from Central Illinois, also known as THE HEARTLAND!
July 13, 2012 at 11:20 am
Only Hollywood calls it the “Heartland” you sure you’re really from downstate?
June 3, 2011 at 7:30 am
It’s considered a legitimate political discussion to complain that one candidate didn’t grow up in the town and has only lived here 10 years.
Hot dishes.
(I think the tractors in parades is way more an ag area thing than a midwest thing. There were tractors in parades in my college town in CA.)
You can’t make a left turn if there’s a car in the oncoming lane less than two blocks away.
June 3, 2011 at 7:37 am
Hahaha, one of DH’s grandmas does that specific complaining about politicians stuff all the time!
Midwestern drivers are definitely cautious! Except in the cities. They also use turn signals. Except in the cities.
June 3, 2011 at 4:06 pm
I have lived in small and large cities in TN, AL, and MS and have never seen farm equipment
June 3, 2011 at 7:47 am
Jeezus motherf*cke!
June 3, 2011 at 8:04 am
You have something against chocolate and peanut butter?
June 3, 2011 at 4:18 pm
I LOVE Puppy Chow!! It is nummy!
June 3, 2011 at 8:30 am
Yes to all of the above. The closer they are to the South, the more likely they are to call adults Mr./Miss FirstName instead of Mr./Mrs. LastName.
Also, it wouldn’t be the Midwest without that Jell-o mold with fruit and sometimes this strange mashmallow-ish stuff served right along with the good food/meat and potatoes on holidays.
June 3, 2011 at 8:34 am
Mmmm. I haven’t had that pink fluffy stuff in years.
I spent a good portion of this morning going, “What IS that stuff?” Then I figured it must be made of cool whip (and maraschino cherry juice). Then I remembered that I’d actually found a recipe for it from The Old Fashioned Cookbook from before cool whip was invented. The whipping cream version is way better. Let’s see if I can find that recipe. Wow, it has been years.
Found it! It’s called Ambrosia. Ah, midwesterners.
Look! Alton Brown’s recipe is very similar to the one in my cookbook: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/ambrosia-recipe/index.html only I bet the addition of sour cream gives it more depth and maturity, or “dignity” as one reviewer says.
June 3, 2011 at 10:02 am
I’m in Iowa. Used to live in Minnesota, but not originally from the Midwest. I love talking Minnesota. Gonna go out on the lake and put up the ice house, do a little fishin, eh?
June 3, 2011 at 10:03 am
Minn– eee— sooooo – tuh (writing it out does not do justice to my Minnesota impression).
June 3, 2011 at 10:42 am
I need to pick a way for my kids to address adults because right now it’s all So and so’s Mom/Dad and I hate it.
The food thing is huge with Hispanics. Food is the answer for everything and we always have mountains of leftovers too. I actually have a birthday party tomorrow and am pretty sure I’ll be eating off that a week.
June 3, 2011 at 10:44 am
Huh, I wonder how they usually do it in Florida. In the South it’s Mr. and Miz. Firstname.
Yay food!
June 3, 2011 at 11:02 am
You know you are in the Midwest when:
a) when somebody asks you – or rather my husband, since I’m obviously not American- what school did you go to, they mean high school, not college (or maybe I just gave up where I’m living to all my Midwestern readers)
b) when you think you live in the city with the best drivers you’ve seen in the world (I’m from Argentina and I’ve been several times to Miami and LA), and your neighbors keep complaining about how awful the drivers in the city you are living are.
June 3, 2011 at 11:10 am
Both points are true!
I think the worst drivers in the US are in New Jersey. In places like LA they don’t bother signaling to change lanes. In New Jersey, they deliberately try to fake you out by signaling the opposite direction or trying to cut you off if you do signal. In the Midwest, you signal you want to merge, the car in the lane lets you in or speeds up to get out of your way.
June 3, 2011 at 11:25 am
If you want to know bad driving, try Buenos Aires. Lanes are only painted to be ignored, and it’s perfectly acceptable for somebody to make a right hand turn when he is in the farther away left lane and cut off everybody. That’s why nothing made me laugh harder than former SC governor Sanford being caught at Atlanta’s airport coming back from Buenos Aires (instead of hiking the Appalachian trail) and his excuse was that he wanted to relax after an exhausting Legislative season by driving along the Buenos Aires’s coastline (which is approximately 2 miles long of a muddy river) : http://www.thestate.com/2009/06/24/838823/sanford-met-in-atlanta-after-returning.html
June 3, 2011 at 12:17 pm
You say pop and not soda. Or, maybe that is just a Michigan thing?
June 3, 2011 at 12:37 pm
it varies across the midwest… I think we’ve got a map…
June 3, 2011 at 1:27 pm
I say soda.
June 3, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I am from the South, and when I ask someone if they want a Coke, they should say yes or no. If the answer is yes, I ask what kind. It’s all coke to me. That is called a synecdoche (using a specific thing to refer to a larger class)and perfectly proper. Profs can attest to this unless maybe they are not English or Linguistics majors. It annoys me to no end to have a Northerner correct me on this like I just learned to speak.
June 3, 2011 at 4:23 pm
If it makes you feel better, they correct people who say Soda if they say Pop and Pop if they say Soda. It’s not just a Coke thing. There’s just something about carbonated beverages that gets people up in arms.
p.s. It’s called “soda.”
June 3, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I say soda, my husband says pop- we are both from the midwest. I think I need that map!
June 4, 2011 at 7:12 pm
In the South, if we run into someone who does not know the “Coke” “What kind” thing, we say “soft drink.” “Soft drink” is just just defining the carbonation. I have never said “pop” or “soda” and don’t intend to start. I think I got this comment out of order. Oh well.
June 3, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I got a new one, when “knee high by the Fourth of the July” means something to you.
June 3, 2011 at 1:56 pm
It’s all about the ethanol.
June 3, 2011 at 7:21 pm
I would comment but I am building an altar to corn right now! :-)
June 18, 2011 at 1:20 pm
nope, we say that in rural NY too!
June 3, 2011 at 2:18 pm
One thing I hate about being Chinese is the instruction to address everyone as Aunty and Uncle.
June 3, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Interesting.
June 3, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Weird. Are they aunties and uncles grooming people for something? Oh, do you mean within the Chinese culture or the Midwest? I would just plain refuse to do so.
June 3, 2011 at 4:24 pm
We label all adults- not only with the Mr. and Mrs. for non relatives, but with Aunt, Uncle, Grandma for everyone related to us. I am from Missouri. I was raised that it was part of that respect thing.
June 4, 2011 at 7:14 pm
I agree with a form of address used for all adults by all children. I just thought that the Aunty and Uncle was for all adults, regardless of familial connection or not.
June 3, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Tornado alley means something to you.
June 3, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Darchole, I feel you!
June 3, 2011 at 6:01 pm
They are places around here you can get *gag* sugar free puppy chow. What’s the point?
June 3, 2011 at 6:09 pm
That sounds so wrong.
June 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm
In my experience, these are also true of rural areas outside of the Midwest.
June 4, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Hm, not so much in mine.
June 4, 2011 at 8:45 pm
If you’ve ever gone “corning” or at least know what that means, you’re from the rural Midwest. If you drive like a wanna-be race car driver, you’re from Indianapolis. Or if you’ve ever sought revenge (or know someone who has) by putting sugar in someone’s gas tank, you’re from the Midwest.
June 4, 2011 at 8:50 pm
The internet tells me that’s an Indiana term, but it isn’t one I’m familiar with. Is it like detasseling or pollinating?
June 11, 2011 at 10:47 pm
Sugar in the gas tank is also popular in parts of Europe.
June 4, 2011 at 10:18 pm
[…] Grumpy Rumblings of the Untenured helps everyone discern if they are from the midwest or not. (I want the pop map!) […]
June 8, 2011 at 5:41 pm
1) If, when someone offers you food (while visiting) you refuse twice, and accept on the third offer, you are from the Midwest.
2) You grew up in a small town with an enormous fiberglass statue of a __________(turkey, pelican, etc) and you don’t think it is weird
June 8, 2011 at 5:48 pm
YES.
Also forgot the important thing about pizza: You do not fold it. Not only that, you are incapable of folding it.