My cousin’s wedding

We went to my cousin’s wedding. It was a lovely wedding– very unlike any wedding I’ve yet been to, but a lot like the weddings in the movies (you know, like The Wedding Crashers… never understood why someone would *want* to go to a wedding they weren’t invited to).  The ceremony was short and simple, though there were a lot of attendants, complete with flower girl and ring-bearer.  The bride had both her father and step-father give her away, one on each arm.  The Lutheran minister was kind of a jolly middle-aged woman.  The gentlemen were almost all in army dress uniforms.  From my cousin’s face, you could not tell he was hit by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan just a few months ago.  He’s still not walking correctly and never may, but the damage seems to mainly be concentrated in one leg.

The wedding was in a part of the country where folks are not as stiff as Midwesterners or as unstructured as Northern Californians.  I’ve been to Midwestern wedding receptions that tried to be like this reception, but the soul wasn’t there so they always ended up being kind of lame with folks congregated in the parking lot to talk away from the DJ.  People at this wedding line-danced (and not just to country music) and they enjoyed it.  My usually introverted uncle is apparently a dancing fiend and led the bride in some traditional dances.  The food was great and full of local specialties (including something we heard about on the Splendid table from their road trip foodies).  And, important in my book for any wedding, they served appetizers between the wedding and reception.

You may recall that the groom’s parents had said they refused to attend because he was not getting married by a priest.  Not only did they not show up, despite his being hit by a roadside bomb in service to our country, they did not allow any siblings to come.  The daughter whose college my parents and aunts are paying was threatened with being disowned when her mother found out she was planning to attend.  So she didn’t go.  Guests kept asking if I was a sister.  No, not a sister.

But all of my aunts and uncles went, and I have a lot of aunts and uncles. It was funny to see all my uncles and my cousin and the characteristic ears of that side of the family.  The family resemblance is especially strong with military haircuts.  All my uncles are ex-military and they bonded with my cousin’s army buddies.  Not much has changed in the army in the past 30-40 years.  SNAFUs still abound.  My aunts talked about how the world has changed and wondered if the homophobic father of the groom realized his favorite aunt (after whom one of his daughters is named) was a lesbian.  How nice it would have been if she’d been around today and been able to share her relationship with her “companion” out in the open.

They openly wondered what had happened to my uncle– he’d always been rigid and never had a sense of humor, but wasn’t such a hater until he married his wife.  Perhaps he could have been rigid and humorless for the powers of good if he’d married someone else.  Ironically, the woman he married and is refusing to countenance this wedding is a divorced mother of three… but the difference is that she got the Pope to annul that marriage, so somehow that made it ok.  There was some speculation that perhaps the bride is better off with her mother-in-law not talking to her.

My childless aunt and uncle took over duties of parents of the groom. The groom gave an especially moving speech about how grateful he was for his family to come and show the support they were showing.  The bride sent a lovely thank-you note with the same sentiments.  As the wedding party was breaking up for the folks having to catch planes, the bride and groom made plans to visit all of my aunts and uncles who live in interesting and accessible places.  My family does take care of its own, even when some members refuse to.

My cousin and his new wife are very nice people.  I know they will have a lifetime of happiness together.  And if their children and step-children are close with their great-aunts and uncles rather than their grandparents on my side of the family, well, that’s not such a bad thing.

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23 Responses to “My cousin’s wedding”

  1. Alyssa Says:

    That’s sad about his parents (AND them not allowing his siblings to attend either). I’m glad he has a large family full of love that can make up for them!

  2. bogart Says:

    That is sad about the parents and siblings, but I’m glad it was a lovely event with extended family from both sides. It sounds great.

  3. Leah Says:

    Glad you went to the wedding and enjoyed it! I think weddings are lovely celebrations, and it makes me sad the parents didn’t go. But, like you said, perhaps it is better that way. In our upcoming wedding, we made sure to only invite people we knew would bring love and happiness to the day.

  4. ABDMama Says:

    I’m so glad your cousin was surrounded by positive family members for his wedding. It’s sad none of his siblings stood up to the parents. Would they have disowned them all if they all went? I hope he does choose to keep in touch with what sounds like a loving and supportive family outside of his parents. Looks like he’s starting already with the aunt and uncle who took his parent’s place. I can’t imagine ever doing that to my child. How great that he still went through with it. He’s a strong person.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      Some of his siblings are still in high school. They’re all still pretty young (except the older step-siblings who are my age). My aunt said not to hold it against them… some day they’ll be able to break free, but not just yet.

  5. MutantSupermodel Says:

    Aw sounds like a great time and it was probably so wonderful because of the absence of not-nice people. Time will heal eventually, I imagine. Your cousin’s lucky to have a great extended family. I count that very same thing as one of my top blessings.

  6. femmefrugality Says:

    I hate family drama. I had a similar situation at my own wedding, and I have to tell you, the few family members that did show up….it meant so incredibly much. The parents are only cheating themselves (and their other children)…it sounds like it was a beautiful day and an amazing party. Thank you to your cousin, by the way. I’m glad he survived it. And to the rest of your vet family, too.

  7. Comradde PhysioProffe Says:

    Those nasty f*ckers aren’t doing anything other than hurting themselves. And assuming that they are as vicious, ignorant, and nasty in all other aspects of their lives–which motherf*ckers like that always are–their son is *lucky* they have disowned him. I wish my vicious, ignorant, and nasty asshole parents would disown the f*cke out of me.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      I’m not sure if they disowned him or are just refuse to acknowledge his marriage. The other kids they were threatening to disown if they went to the wedding.

      But yeah. I’m glad the rest of my relatives are cool.

  8. Rumpus Says:

    I know one couple (and maybe another) that got married on Halloween. Now that I think about it, if they had line-danced they could’ve re-enacted the Thriller music video. What a missed opportunity.

  9. Practical Parsimony Says:

    Don’t you just love hypocrites. Yep, the Pope’s annulment made everything okey dokey. Maybe the bride will always be at odds with the mil and never have to speak to her. I cannot imagine not wanting to see your child marry. Nothing in the world can be that important. It sounds like his parents will have others taking their place, not that anyone can take the place of a parent.

  10. chacha1 Says:

    I think it is safe to say that the groom’s parents are assholes. The newly-marrieds are undoubtedly going to have a more peaceful and comfortable life without that kind of judgemental, stupid, bigoted bulls*t around them all the time.

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  13. nicoleandmaggie Says:

    Hey– all you folks with the writing assignment to write a paragraph or a page or whatever about your cousin’s wedding– this is not something you should be copying from the internet! This is one of those you make something up in your head assignments, or if you’ve actually been to your cousin’s wedding, then you write down what happened, which is going to be different than what happened at my cousin’s wedding.

    Copying from the internet and presenting the work as your own is called plagiarism. DON’T DO IT.

    You should be *ashamed* that you’re trying to copy it from the internet. How sad and pathetic is that. Totally pathetic. Sit down and write your own essay. You can do it. There’s no right or wrong answers, except that copying someone else’s work is wrong. It’s very wrong.

    If you’ve never been to a wedding, rent a movie that has a wedding in it (The Wedding Crashers, for example, or The Wedding Singer.., there are a lot of options out there) and write about that as if you’d been. The point of this exercise is for you to practice your writing on a non-threatening topic.

  14. RBOC | Grumpy Rumblings (of the formerly untenured) Says:

    […] sad how many people are trying to plagiarize “My cousin’s wedding” at the end of the semester.  Here’s a recent variation on the prompt, “you […]

  15. EB Says:

    I was drafted into service for a wedding like this. My husband’s niece’s brother in law was getting married and his parents would not attend. Not because the wedding wasn’t done by a priest; it was. But because he was the son (out of about 10) who was supposed to become a priest. And he disappointed them by not pursuing the priesthood. So, random distant relatives from the niece’s side were recruited, if they lived anywhere near the wedding. Couple is still together 30 years later, still happy.


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