- Dear friends of wives/fiances of my male colleagues, Please stop inviting me to women-only bridal and baby showers. I do not know your friend, I only know her husband/husband-to-be. Also: I hate shower games. Seriously. If you want to invite me to a shower, please make it co-ed so I know someone there and have food and conversation but no games. Yes, I will stick a gift into your friend’s husband’s work mailbox anyway.
- Related: Dear husband’s aunt whose daughter (that I did not know existed) lives several states away from me, please do not send me an invitation to a woman’s only baby shower for your daughter. If you want a gift, just send an announcement to your nephew once the baby is born. Of course, given that the baby will not be born until fricking October, this may not be the last baby shower you are planning on throwing. Please do not invite me to those either. (And yes, I sent a gift card anyway, but am not planning on sending one at the birth. You get one gift. It would have been twice as much had you followed proper etiquette.)
- I hate it when people say that parents are showing off with their kids when they’re interacting with their kids in public. You don’t know why people do what they do. And it most likely isn’t for your benefit. (You’re not actually that important.)
- Dear relatives, Please stop pressuring me to have the baby. Ze will come by 42 weeks, and it is not my fault if you expected hir at 38 and ze’s still not there at 40.
- Psychology researchers doing long-term laboratory studies on relationships find that contempt is the #1 predictor of divorce. It isn’t fun to read about other peoples’ contempt for their spouses on the internets.
- Dear student, I am afraid that a recommendation letter from me could not be very strong as it would have to contain information about your performance in my class.
- Some people are more likable before they drink the self-help motivational Koolaid.
Grumpy readership, do you have any random rants to share? Let it all out.