I can handle two children (or maybe it’s just DC2– DC1 is pretty chill) or I can handle students being around, but not both.
I’m not used to this.
I’m not used to needing the door closed. To need silence without background noise.
Every day is exhausting. I come home, play a bit with the children, help DC1 with hir chores, and then I feel like crawling under a desk. Please everybody just leave me alone.
When DC1 was this age, I could still get work done if I wasn’t actively doing chores or taking care of the toddler. When DC2 was younger and napped once in the evenings I didn’t feel so incredibly overwhelmed. When school was out of session for the summer I was mostly ok.
It’s not that there’s too much work to do. It’s not even that my brain has gotten too much work (although that happens sometimes). Heck, I’m not even as sleep deprived or as frequently sick as I was when DC1 was a toddler. I’m just completely overstimulated.
Some of it is introversion, and I seem to have become more introverted. But it’s not just introversion. I need silence. I even asked DH to turn off Netflix the other night because I couldn’t handle the noise. Because he’s a darling he’s taken to listening with headphones.
I wonder if this is going to go away or if I’m going to need to make a big change to my life. It’s limiting not wanting to see so many people, to avoid talking to people. I dread most social engagements and have been saying no to a lot of work activities just because I don’t want to be around people. I want to be alone. Someplace quiet.
I do love my family very much… but these days I love them most in small doses or when they’re sweetly sleeping.
(#2 says: I call that “October”. It is officially Exploding Head Syndrome Month and begins Sept 17th. I relate to Milburn. Why do you think I put that ear-protection headgear on my wishlist? It’s so I don’t have to hear things.)