Are my coffee orders dickish?

well, are they?

“Can I please get a 20-ounce decaf iced mocha, 2 decaf shots, no whipped cream, for here.” 

Usually the full-caf ones have only 1 shot, but usually not whipped cream on those either (but sometimes).  But they come with whipped cream unless you say don’t.

And for hot mocha, I’ll specify Dutch vs. Mexican.


I hate to be That Guy, but yet, I know what I want.  Verdict, readers?


37 Responses to “Are my coffee orders dickish?”

  1. hollyatclubthrifty Says:

    I always get strange looks when I ask for Stevia and/or almond milk. I think you should be able to ask for anything you want if you’re paying for it!

  2. Kristen | The Frugal Girl Says:

    Made me think of this:

  3. independentclause Says:

    It depends on how nice you are while ordering. “Can I have two decaf shots, because last time I’m pretty sure those weren’t decaf, and I was up until 3 am cursing your name” is dickish. Otherwise, if it’s on the menu…

  4. Comradde PhysioProffe Says:

    How on earth could it possibly be dickish to order what you want (assuming you’re not asking for anything impossible)?

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      (#2’s answer to this question was, it depends on what the default is and how much you’re asking them to deviate from the norm. If every coffee is individual and those are all things you have to choose anyway, it’s not a big deal, because what are you supposed to do? In those places they often get annoyed and think you’re a wise-guy if you ask for regular coffee because they often don’t want to choose for you. But if you’re forcing them to remember a ton of changes from a standard order, that can get kind of annoying.)

    • notofgeneralinterest2 Says:

      I’d say no–order what you want. (Testing to see if this comment goes through.)

  5. Norwegian Forest Cat Says:

    Nah, I only judge the people who request a specific temperature for their drink. It’s always specified in Fahrenheit, so I’m skeptical that it’s a European thing…

  6. xykademiqz Says:

    Mine is “20 oz skim latte, 3 shots (as opposed to the default 4), to go.” It’s probably the same level of dickishness as yours. However, since it’s freakin’ $4.25, I feel completely entitled to customize the shit out of it.

  7. oil_garlic Says:

    You probably should get some Starbucks employees to weigh in. They’re probably used to that level of customization since many, if not most, of their customers do this. If you’re a regular, it’s actually easy for them to remember your preferences after a while.
    And maybe it’s less annoying for them than “newbies’ like me. Every time I go into Starbucks, I get a very basic order — regular coffee, espresso or cappuccino — and I always say “Small” “Medium” Large instead of using their lingo.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      #2 notes: I have overheard starbucks employees saying that they hate making frappucinos. Which is the only drink I really like at Starbucks and isn’t like a special order or anything, just annoying to make.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      I don’t even understand the Starbucks menu very well so I usually just order the same thing every time. The coffee order specified in the main post is from a local indie coffeeshop who has lots of options, all written in plain English.

  8. Scooze Says:

    For $4 a cup, you should definitely get what you want. Those places are totally used to getting custom orders; that’s why they can charge so much.On the other hand, if you’re ordering that from Dunkin’ Donuts for $2 a cup, you’re doing it wrong.

  9. gwinne Says:

    I suspect specificity is less annoying than an inability to decide, provided you’re asking for stuff that’s on the menu… I like decaf iced coffee late in the day and they seem to have trouble accommodating that one.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      When I was pregnant I was constantly having discussions like, “Do you have any herbal teas that aren’t camomile?” “What do you have that has neither sugar or caffeine in it?” And when the one coffee shop in town stopped offering hibiscus iced tea, I was so sad.

  10. chacha1 Says:

    I don’t think that’s an excessively complex order. :-)

  11. Alicia Says:

    My best friends order is the worst. It’s a grande X latte, whole milk, half-sweet. So their question back is always “you mean a skinny latte”? “well, but with full fat milk”.

  12. Susan Says:

    At the Bux (and because of them, most coffee places) this is pretty straightforward, and they write it on your cup — they have a process that is designed exactly for this, and designed for it not to be a big deal.

    The only dickish thing is if you are at the front of a long line, and haven’t decided, and need to ask questions (‘well how many pumps of vanilla does it usually have?’), and are surprised that they ask you for money and have to dig out your wallet.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      Oh totally, if you have a lot of questions get ’em out fast, or go to the back of the line, or something. And have your wallet ready, it’s not like you didn’t know you’d need it!

  13. becca Says:

    No. Consensus from former barista friends is that dickish orders are:
    1) That guy who knows what he wants but can’t order it to save his life (e.g. asks for a “cold mocha coffee, you know with the chocolate and the coffee and the ice” when he wants a “venti iced mocha quad shot, no whip”. NB: I am partnered with this guy. I can’t teach him either. Sorry)
    2) Those hippie-dippie power to the people type who order “venti soy milk cappuccinos” (DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO MAKE THAT MUCH SOY FOAM???????????) and do not tip
    3) That idiot that can’t make up her mind, and has impeccably bad timing for finding the moment there are about to be a zillion impatient people in line. (this one is me. Sorry barristas!)

    However, google this. There are whole buzzfeed and huffpo articles about the worst orders.

    Your order is fine. You should probably tip though.

  14. Fiona McQuarrie (@all_about_work) Says:

    That’s not dickish at all, if you’re polite to the barista (which I’m sure you are) and if you don’t have a screaming meltdown rage if they get one little detail wrong.

  15. Rented life Says:

    Are you ordering off menu? On your phone when you order (text or call)? Asking the barista to throw out your trash? Demanding a refill on a drink that doesn’t get one? Husband (former barista) said that if you said no then your order is fine. Tipping helps.

  16. First Gen American Says:

    Why is everyone all of a sudden putting whip cream on everything? Milk shakes and coffee shouldn’t have whip cream on top IMHO.

    Agree with the others…having worked at a restaurant with espresso, etc…the only orders that are annoying are the ones where the person doesn’t know what they want, yet are holding up the line. If you are undecided, let the person behind you get their order placed.

  17. Ana Says:

    No, yours sounds fine. I’m the annoying one who orders coffee so infrequently I never know the lingo. But the worst are those that just have SO MANY QUESTIONS and still can’t decide.

  18. Practical Parsimony Says:

    I have friends who think I am a pain because I order what I want instead of just taking anything. I don’t ever drink coffee, but still order drinks that involve mixing, just frozen. I order like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. I am decisive. After years of being called ‘picky’ and accepting the label, I discovered I was allergic to all the things I substituted. I am very nice, try to order drinks quickly, and always tip. Of course, the worst part is I feel it necessary to apologize.

  19. Thisbe Says:

    I am late to this party but back in the day when I used to sling coffee, I did have one customer who had a dickish regular order. But it was so funny that I am still laughing about it right now, eight years later.

    Her order went, “blah blah size of coffee, number of shots, caramel flavor ” (all of that is fine as far as I am concerned) and then ended with “…extra hot, but not TOO hot.”

    LOL. What does that even mean? I just made it normal hot.

  20. nicoleandmaggie Says:

    I gave a non-dickish coffee order and now I have a large decaf iced mocha with no whip cream for here.

  21. Revanche Says:

    I dunno. My default is you’re not an ass when ordering so you could ask for just about anything they can make and it’d be OK. I just order off the kid’s menu though so what do I know?

  22. Revanche Says:

    I dunno. My default is you’re not an ass when ordering so you could ask for just about anything they can make and it’d be OK. I just order off the kid’s menu though so what do I know?

    I do hail from the land of in n out though and probably my order there is dickish: burger of choice with raw and grilled onions, extra tomatos. They get it right 25% of the time.

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