Ponderings on blogging pet peeves

Thankfully, Get off my internets has never heard of our tiny blog.  Why?  Because we hit a lot of their pet peeves…

Like, refusing to apologize for being awesome.  We think women do far too much of that these days, and even if overt self-confidence means powerful women are less liked (in myriad psychology studies), they still get more respect.  Sometimes fortune (and getting #$#@ done) is more important than being liked.

We’re successful.

We occasionally tell people that if they don’t like what they read here they can just stop reading– it’s not like we’re getting paid to do this.

One of us has children(!)  And her family life is perfect!  That can’t be real… can it?  (It can, though DC2 still occasionally bites even though now ze uses hir words first, and age 7 is still occasionally a bit obnoxious.  Other than that, we’re great.)

That said, when you’re feeling seriously grumpy and you want to read about people saying horrible hilarious things about people you don’t know and have never heard of, reading the GOMI forums is a great place to blow off steam.  I prefer the general topics (“What’s up with all the ‘soul’ stuff on mothering blogs”) to making fun of a specific blog… those can get pretty depressing.  And they’ve got some good taste… the first blog they mentioned that I recognized was wandering scientist and it was someone saying that it was a great example of a SOMI (stay on my internet?) working mother blog.  We agree!

We’re just really glad they don’t have a sub-forum on academic blogs.

Do you like reading schadenfreude/hate blogs and/or forums?  Do you still feel dirty for reading if you have no idea who people are making fun of?  And what are your blogging pet peeves?

59 Responses to “Ponderings on blogging pet peeves”

  1. Comradde PhysioProffe Says:

    Wow, I’d never heard of GOMI before. I find it deeply offensive, built upon the unquestioned conceit that the Internet only exists to make brodudes lolz. They seem to only mock women’s Internet postings about non-brodude shittio. What about mocking bro-dude sports shittio on the Internet? There’s certainly plenty of it. They could start with my f*cken blogge! Anyway, yuck, yuck, yuck!

  2. Chelsea Says:

    GOMI is more proof that the internet turns everyone into a middle schooler. Yeah, there’s tons of weird stuff on the internet, but, good news, it’s really easy to avoid it by not reading.

  3. Liz Says:

    Never heard of GOMI, either. Good call, CPP.

    Blogging pet peeve? The “I’m so sorry I haven’t posted in forever! *stress swoon*” posts, especially if it has nothing to do with the original intent or current tenor of your blog. Maybe it would make sense if, say, you were talking about caretaking (haven’t posted in forever because s/he got suuper bad sick, was busy caring). Doubly irritated if there is a string of such posts, which means I’m going to keep checking in for no purpose. Please waste my time .

    • Comradde PhysioProffe Says:

      I thought I had no bloggeing pet peeves, but this reminded me of two. It annoys me when people who decide to shut down their blogges make a huge dramatic deal of it, instead of just stopping posting. It also annoys me when people delete their entire blogges.

      • xykademiqz Says:

        Hehe. I’ve done both! Good to know somewhere in NYC that made CPP’s blood pressure spike! :-)

      • Cloud Says:

        I know of some women who have deleted their entire blogs because they picked up scary trolls or stalker-types. I was going to say “people” in that sentence, but they’re all women…

        And I actually like when someone at least posts to say they’re shutting down, so that I know what happened and don’t wonder if they were in a horrible car accident or something.

      • Liz Says:

        True, Cloud – my peeve is more the posts that say something to the effect of “I feel so bad about not posting, woe is me, I’ll do better, honest!” And then they don’t, or they post a similar message. Make up your mind, and be okay with it!

      • Comradde PhysioProffe Says:

        Just to clarify: It doesn’t annoy me if people delete their blogges for what they perceive as important reasons; it just annoys me when they do so in a fit of pique over being “misunderstood” or whatever.

  4. Rented life Says:

    I’ve never heard of the site either. I don’t get it–reading things well that you know what’s going on and can link to specific posts as you write a blurb about how much it sucks? It reminds me of the commercials for the Soup on E! Some dude watches all the trashy TV so that he can whine and moan and make fun. Makes me want to yell “Stop Watching!” Personally I have better things to do than watch or read stuff that I don’t like.
    Pet Peeve: blogs that put out a lot of negativity. Rants, general complaints are normal and ok occasionally. All the time is tiring.

    • Debbie M Says:

      I also don’t think that sounds much fun, though I also enjoy the occasional rant. The pet peeves you mentioned them having sound odd, though.

      Most blogs are boring or not my thing, but I wouldn’t call that a pet peeve. These things annoy me:
      * Posts that don’t say anything (like “Happy [holiday du jour]” or “I’m not writing anything today because of [one-word reason].” I get all excited that there’s a new post, but there isn’t one.
      * Posts that apologize for not blogging and then continue not blogging (though I can’t get too upset–people are only human and it’s good that they have lives, too).

      I have a lot more pet peeves about comments:
      * Commenter obviously didn’t read the whole blog or wasn’t paying attention or otherwise doesn’t make any sense
      * Commenter asks a question that has already been asked by a previous commenter and answered. Most times you can even use the search function to see if someone else already addressed your issue without even having to read all the comments if you don’t want to.
      * Commenter says something negative without saying why. (Like “You’re an idiot.”)
      * Commenter says something positive without saying why. (“I agree.”)
      * Commenter says nothing except “Yea! I’m the first commenter.” (Although I do chuckle when this is not the first comment.)
      * Commenter complains in a rude way about a spelling or grammar error in a comment that contains multiple similar errors. Actually, all rudeness is a pet peeve.
      * Blogger never replies to any comments, even if they only get a few comments per post.
      * Blogger doesn’t allow comments (though I get that spam SUCKS, so I totally understand this).
      * Commenter on a recipe asks if they can make a substitution. Like the writer knows how every possible substitution would work out. (Many people don’t like when the commenter makes substitutions and then declares that the recipe is horrible, but I find those perfectly helpful–because they told me their substitutions!)

  5. Holly@ClubThrifty Says:

    Oh, I have definitely gotten sucked into GOMI before. I don’t really like that type of blog, but it is extremely hard to stop reading it once you get started. I hope they never discover my website either. That kind of stuff is really hurtful when it is written about you-even if you know it is total bullshit. I get plenty of weird hate mail as it is.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      I’ve leechblocked blogs that make me feel the need to leave nasty comments. Because I don’t like that aspect of myself and it’s easier to avoid triggers than to just not say anything. (Obviously I’m not 100% midwestern trained or I’d be able to keep my mouth shut!) And the schadenfreude aspect… I don’t like that part of me either, even if I only feel schadenfreude about things that people bring on themselves and could stop if they just stopped being users.

      • Holly@ClubThrifty Says:

        There is a website called TravelBloggerBuzz that targets one of the travel websites I write for (Frugal Travel Guy). He usually doesn’t target me specifically but he talks about how all of our posts suck and how it is all pointless, etc. I had to stop reading it because I am generally tempted to leave a nasty comment. When I have commented there in the past, several people replied to tell me that my FTG posts are awful. I took that as my cue to leave. Too much negativity!

        I also stopped reading several other blogs that made me crazy for various reasons. Part of me enjoys a good train wreck, but I also need to stay positive for my sanity.

  6. Cloud Says:

    I had never heard of GOMI until I saw traffic from there. I was very relieved to see the context!

    Having watched several prominent women in tech who I admire deal with terrible abuse from men online, I have a hard time stomaching GOMI. There are enough men trying to drive us off the internet, it seems odd to have a site like GOMI to pile on. But… just like they don’t have to read any of the sites they hate, I don’t have to read them, and the don’t seem to take their ire directly to the sites that annoy them, so they are easy enough to ignore.

  7. independentclause Says:

    I began blogging because I hated how freelancers/independent business people were always so damn upbeat on their blog. I wanted to write about the days that you hated your authors (I am a copyeditor), hated their stupid mistakes, and wanted to laugh at them. But then it became more about everyday editorial struggles, and now it is about writing and teaching, as my own professional focus has changed or, really, my editorial work is not yielding up the sort of gems it used to. As such, I enjoy a certain amount of only slightly earned snark. So I enjoy GOMI (which I also hadn’t heard of until now) even though it isn’t always funny, and sometimes it is offensive and irritating. But bloggers living in snarky glass houses cannot throw rocks. (I hope you guys also read “Unhappy Hipsters” where you can write your own captions to Dwell magazine photographs.)

  8. Kellen Says:

    I have an “ask the grumpies” — I don’t know if there’s an e-mail address to submit the question to, so I’ll post as a comment.

    Let’s say I have a sibling, older than me, who has received enough bail outs from our parents that they don’t want to bail this sibling out anymore. That is–they want to help, but they feel like it’s enabling said sibling to continue not standing on their own two feet.

    Now, sibling just moved to a small town very far away because sibling’s partner moved there for work. Sibling has no job, no money, and maxed out credit card. Sibling would need financial help to even pay for the gas and probable car repairs needed to drive across the country to move close to the family. One suggestion from parents is that sibling must stay in the small, far away town, find a job, even if it’s bagging groceries, and save enough to pay sibling’s own way.

    Now, here I am, in a very good spot in life, just made it to saving 50% of my income this month. I don’t know if it’s good for sibling to stay in this small town with no money, and learn to hold down a job, or if, as family, there’s some obligation to help sibling get to where I am and stay in my (sort of) spare room (which is really our office/living room space) while sibling finds a job around here (in the big city).

    Also, sibling has a degree as an elementary school educator + a masters degree in something like team-building activities (?), but has been trying to work as a general contractor. So sibling is not completely without qualifications, but kind-of without qualifications to do the kind of work sibling likes (working outdoors, doing labor). Also, I only know people who work in offices, which sibling has 0 experience with, so I can’t really help sibling find a job.

    • chacha1 Says:

      I’m grumpy (though not one of THE Grumpies!) so I’ll answer that for you. :-)

      Let it go. Sibling’s life choices are not your problem. If ze turns up on your doorstep sometime saying “that situation showed me how wrong I’ve been, can I stay with you for a little while till I can find work” that’s a different consideration. But the desire to change the path of life has to come from the person walking it, and the first steps down the new path also have to be taken by that person.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      Short answer: we don’t have an answer for you, but we can post this in 2-3 weeks if you want with some things to think about. Our email is grumpyrumblings at gmail.

      • Kellen Says:

        Would be awesome to hear some opinions. If ze asks for help, I don’t know how much to give to actually be the most “helpful” — the parents are very negative about it, and I’d be interested to hear how other people see family obligations like this.

  9. chacha1 Says:

    I don’t read anything twice if the first look says Wants To Be Offensive or Hates Everything or Willfully Ignorant or Sexist/Racist/Homophobic/Violent. So no, I don’t read blogs or forums that clearly exist for the sole purpose of draining off spite from the writer(s) and/or encouraging the spewing of spite from the reader(s). Nor do I generally read comments on news articles.

    I view the subculture of Internet trollery the same way I view sports bars: something I am free, thankfully, to stay well away from.

    Which pretty much defines my blogging pet peeves I guess. I certainly rant occasionally, but because the few readers of my blog are almost all people I KNOW, I try to rant with balance and not get personal. I try to be informational at all times, and not just a geyser of Opinion. I take down my own posts when they get dated, or I edit them if I find new information.

    I have opted not to read certain blogs written by people whose writing voices I like simply because of ideology. I don’t care how good a writer someone is, if her perspective is Wimmen are the Servants of Men Because God, then … no. Or if someone otherwise intelligent can’t get past politics to look at the actual facts about how government operates.

    There is a lot of the Internet I don’t read. :-)

  10. Ana Says:

    Besides being tiny, there are a lot of other reasons you would never end up with a GOMI thread—1) your blog is not monetized nor is it your career 2) you allow and engage respectfully with dissenting opinions (as long as they are respectfully stated) 3) while you don’t “apologize for being awesome”, you do acknowledge your privilege, 4) you respect to the utmost your family’s (esp. your children’s) privacy and aren’t plastering their lives and photos for the world to ogle, and 5) you don’t lie (or if you do, you don’t get caught!).
    I admit it, I have been reading GOMI for about a year now and I—mostly—like it. I’ve never posted myself. Its like a quick burst of what I imagine people get out of trashy reality TV (something I can’t stand and don’t get—so I understand how people can’t stand and don’t get GOMI). A lot of the comments in the threads I read are either straight up hilarious or thoughtful and intelligent, and I see lots of really great conversations develop about all kinds of topics that were spurred by someone’s blog and a good amount of feminism coming through. There are definitely some threads I stay away from—anything that gets too mean/personal and anything directed at someone’s body or other unchangeable attribute is not something I want to participate in, even passively (though GOMI is pretty good about shutting that kind of thing down quickly). A lot of the bloggers that end up on GOMI are huge, monetized, “career” blogs that immediately delete or pounce on any kind of criticism, so the critics had to find a place to go.
    Why is it mostly women snarking on other women? There definitely are men’s blogs being discussed, but the types of blogs that are dicussed are WAY more likely to be written by women (fashion/”mommy”/healthy living). I do know for a fact that there is a contingent of male commenters, that I was surprised to see.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      Aw shucks, thanks for the compliments.

      The general stuff seems a lot more kind (and funny) than the specific blog stuff. And a lot of the specific blog stuff is just really depressing because of what the blogger is doing (often involving children).

      If we were monetized, we’d definitely want GOMI to notice us because readers = $$$. As we’re not…

    • Sarah @ littlebusontheprairie.com Says:

      THIS.

      I stumbled upon GOMI completely by accident trying to google a blog that someone had searched for that landed them instead at my blog. My search for THAT blog turned up a GOMI thread about the OTHER blog and I’ve been an occasional indulger ever since (though never a poster).

      Honestly, I’ve found reading there very helpful as a “to don’t” list of how to blog and there are many issues they bring up and discuss that I had never really given thought to prior to reading how strongly people feel about them, but after thinking about it I find myself agreeing.

      Mostly though, I find myself just laughing over other people making fools of themselves online or aghast at the ridiculous ways people lie and cheat and steal and what have you. Very much akin to trash TV, which I don’t indulge in either.

  11. oilandgarlic Says:

    I have heard of GOMI and thought it can be kind of funny, but I’m not surprised if most of the snark is aimed at female bloggers. I prefer blogs that feel real, with ups and downs, rather than lifestyle blogs with lots of pretty pictures, but my only pet peeve are 1) blogs that end w/o a farewell post and 2) those who write a farewell post and then delete their entire blog at some point. I’m trying to archive last posts for mylastblogpost blog and it doesn’t help when I end up with dead links.
    Of course for my oilandgarlic blog, I wrote a good bye post and then I started reposting at random so I’m not a good example.

  12. MutantSupermodel Says:

    I don’t think I’ve heard of GOMI unless that’s the place where Uppercase Woman gets habitually trashed. I don’t like mean stuff in general. Makes me feel dirty. I always hear Thumper saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

  13. J Liedl Says:

    Oh, little sad dudebros. Some of us were interwebbing long before you could put fingers to keyboard for anything but a kersmash. Go ahead and vent your little frustrations and pathetic whines. You are just sad little sad things. I will pay you no mind and rather go spend time in the company of awesome people such as I find here.

    Mutant Supermodel, N&M, you guys were in Mrs. Feldhusen’s grade school class, too, weren’t you? She drummed that mantra into my head and it’s really not a bad principle in life.

  14. Tragic Sandwich Says:

    I spent some time on it a few weeks ago; I’d heard about it, but just didn’t want to know. As a small, non-monetized blogger, I am not surprised that my site isn’t on there.

    That said, I didn’t like the tone of the place. It made me feel like I needed a shower.

  15. L Says:

    Don’t spend enough time (much, MUCH better things to do!) on the ‘net to have found what sounds like a nasty site. Pet peeve: blogs that begin posting with something I find interesting, then slowly the monetization and posts about “buy this I did and my life is now excellent” creep in. And the “sorry for disappearing so long . . . ” posts. Goodbye.

  16. ana Says:

    My pet peeves: 1) just ending a blog without ever posting a goodbye—I always worry that some horrific fate befell the blogger or their family, especially after they were regularly posting and then abruptly stop. 2) sponsored posts. UGH. I get that some blogs are solely created for the purpose of sponsored posts, but I really hate when a blogger I used to read for content starts giving way to more and more sponsored posts. It doesn’t take long for me to stop checking in 3) TOO MANY pictures. Some bloggers seem to throw their whole camera roll up there without editing/whittling down to a couple of the best. I don’t want to see 50 pictures of your weekend, 3-4 would suffice. I imagine its laziness and/or narcissism.

  17. KeAnne (@KeAnne) Says:

    OK, I’m a GOMI indulger. Have an account and everything but rarely post. I’m more a lurker. While some of the criticism can be over the top, I do think that a lot of what is pointed out is valid and offers a much-needed puncture to the egos of some bloggers as well as the questionable practices some bloggers employ in regards to their children, over-sharing, etc. It’s not a perfect site obviously, but it is interesting and I’ve certainly thought a lot about my own blogging based on the reactions I’ve read in some threads.

    My blogging pet peeves: 1) no blogging goodbye 2) all sponsored content 3) a complete lack of reflection on your life/topic/whatever (too much whining! my life is toooooooo perfect!) 4) poor grammar/inability to tell a story 5) Clear that they really don’t want conversation b/c gentle criticism is ignored/called out/whatever.

  18. SP Says:

    I read GOMI, although I do have the sense to be ashamed to admit it. I do not post. A lot of it is super unhelpful – once a blogger has crossed to GOM hate list, they just cannot win from there. Everything they do is torn apart.

    Here’s my reason, although I won’t defend it: I used to read a lot of blogs, and some times I started out really liking the author, and then as the blog grows (or maybe just time passes), I start to feel alienated by the writing. The blogger stops sharing certain things, or shares in a way I perceive to be condescending. The blogger makes the same mistakes over and over. The blogger doesn’t appear to listen / care about / even consider what helpful (non mean) commenters have to say. In general, I stop reading the blog at that point. I see GOMI as a place where people in that situation can go to gossip / chat about their “old friend” who has changed in a way that the gossipers don’t like. Kind of like celebrity gossip, but meaner and not celebrities… (OK, not like celeb gossip.)

    Re: refusing to apologize for being awesome. Yeah, but you ARE awesome. It is more annoying when people proclaim awesomeness for basic adult life tasks. I’m sorry, but everyone isn’t awesome (at least not according to my awesome scale). I don’t think you fall anywhere near the things GOMI picks on. You post things that make sense. You don’t constantly self-contradict.

    Those are my blogging pet peeves: Condescending tone, self-contradictory, muddled thinking and posting, repeating the same mistakes, completely ignoring valid points in the comments, snotty comment replies, etc.

    I’m going to name names here, only because the blog is very different now. The first blog that ever inspired these feelings in me was The Simple Dollar. It was the worst for having a know-it-all tone about relatively basic life tasks. Yes, there are people who are “experts” in some areas of life… but come on. Personal finance isn’t rocket science. A tone of “I’m right there with you, have you ever tried this?” appeals to me more than “make sure you shower, and wash your whole body.” (Not kidding, that was a post.)

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      And yet, GOMI says very little about The Simple Dollar– it’s mentioned in equal parts positively and negatively, IIRC. GRS has only been mentioned once for real and once in passing, and that was mostly to bash on Honey Smith (which admittedly, isn’t undeserved), with only a slight bashing of JD Roth, long after what he did. Nobody started a “JD Roth is a manchild” or “GRS is destructing” post when JD wrote about divorcing his wife or that earlier extremely ridiculous World Domination summit post. They’re mentioned briefly years later on the Honey Smith post.

      Why is it that the female bloggers/posts get bashed far more than the equally bad or worse male bloggers/posts? Why do we do that? Is it because we can? Is it somehow more satisfying? Or just less dangerous? What is it about male privilege?

      • SP Says:

        Hmmm. My theory has been that the pf blog world is a nicer place than fashion / lifestyle / healthy living. But I would have to dig into the limited pf blog talk there – I don’t doubt you are right on women being (proportionately) more readily attacked than men. :/.

      • nicoleandmaggie Says:

        They do attack PF blogs, but they’re women’s! Now, they’re all women doing ridiculously stupid things (very depressing), but men do ridiculously stupid things on PF blogs too. (My curiosity about GRS is what led me to GOMI in the first place, so I searched for other pf blogs using the site: feature in google… but there’s not much there, and most of what is there are women’s trainwreck pf blogs that I’ve never heard of.)

      • SP Says:

        Also, my opinion is that TSD is dead/irrelevant, so no need to discuss. But maybe others still are reading it?

      • nicoleandmaggie Says:

        From my understanding it improved immensely once it was bought out, but is mainly out there for newbies rather than regulars. I stopped reading years and years ago.

  19. Mrs. Frugalwoods Says:

    I’m a new reader and I just want to say that I 100% agree that women should not apologize for their success. What is up with that?! Men don’t apologize; they usually aggrandize and vacuum up other people’s successes to cast as their own. I think it’s a pervasive cultural problem that women are consistently shooting themselves in the collective foot. It’s an element in wage disparity, glass ceiling-ness, and general societal expectations. There was an article on this very topic in The Atlantic a few months back–“Closing the Confidence Gap.” Definitely worth a read if you haven’t already. Thanks for sharing this viewpoint!


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