Link love

This has been a pretty crazy week.  Our hearts go out to a lot of people.

How black people are portrayed in mainstream media

America is not for black people  :(

Jesus indeed

What sort of white person do you want to be?

Ugh– some of the great tweets from the Ferguson debacle have had their owners accounts go silent.  Twitter harassment SUCKS.  Racism SUCKS.  F the patriarchy.

Medieval POC’s math and science week

Robot hugs explains the smile thing

women against feminism parody account

squid lady parts

concern trolling sucks

Marvel vs. DC

Cat and baby

sometimes you just want pretty pictures of books

here, this

Someone passed her thesis defense.

 

I'm all caught up, said no academic ever.

 

Googly eyes

Q:  average time to completely furnish a 15 room house

A:  No doubt far less than what it took us to furnish our smaller house!

Q:  ran out of cereal and bread what should i have for breakfast

A:  eggs!  or cake…

Q:  do lecturers work through summer

A:  Often they do, but not always.

Q:  why do people make fun of gifted children

A:  Because the world is a terrible terrible place.

Q:  what is a moms least favorite chore

A:  Depends on the mom.  Is your least favorite chore the same as everyone else’s?  (My least favorite chore is probably vacuuming because I’m hella allergic to dust.)

Q:  can i get a “c” in a graduate school class

A:  Yes.

Q:  are 9 month contract professors required to fill out fmla paperwork for the summer

A:  Probably not, but check with your school’s HR just to be sure.

Q:  ways to answer roll calls

A:  Here.  Present.  Yes.  Ya Vol mein frau doktor!

Q:  why doesn’t my balance in your checkbook doesn’t match up

A:  Why do you have my checkbook?

Q:  a toddler that sleeps a lot mean not that intelligent?

A:  Of course not!

How does your toilet paper roll?

My first roommate that I shared a bathroom with took me aside one day, exasperated, and told me I was putting toilet paper rolls back all wrong.  I’d been flipping them under without even thinking about it, possibly because that’s what they do at my house.  My family has always been a bit different (my father is an immigrant), so I figured I wasn’t doing it the American way or something.

The next year, I had a different roommate.  After a few weeks of conscientiously making sure the toilet paper was flipped over when I put in a new roll, I noticed the toilet roll flipped under.  So I asked my roommate about it, and she said not only had she been putting in rolls flipped under herself, but she’d been changing my rolls because I was *doing them wrong* and found it seriously annoying but didn’t want to bring it up with me.

The next two roommates I had, I brought up this question the first day because I figured this was something I didn’t care much about, but a lot of people have strong feelings about it.  (Me, I’m just happy that the roll gets replaced at all!)  They both thought I was crazy for even thinking about it.  (And indeed, with them, sometimes the roll would be over, and sometimes under, almost at random.)

How about you?  Is this something you have strong feelings about?  Are there other kinds of habits like this where your way is the right way but other people do it wrong?  (Squeezing toothpaste from the bottom is my hobby horse.)

And then there were four kitties

After successfully taking Garage Cat to his new home, where he has settled in beautifully, we decided to rehome Patio Cat as our next project.  My MIL had said she was willing to take one cat, and since she prefers an indoor/outdoor cat, a cat living on our back porch who desperately wanted to come inside seemed like a good match.  So he spent a week in the guest bedroom acclimating to the great indoors separated from our other cats.  We took him to the vet who thinks he’s got that herpes thing that makes cats get weepy eyes when they’re stressed out, but otherwise checked out ok.  All muscle.

Next we claw-capped him, which wasn’t a problem at all.  He’s a sweet big guy, just like Garage Cat.  And before another week had passed, DH had taken Patio Cat and the two kids on the plane to see the in-laws.  There he spent the week mostly hiding under the bed, but also bonded with my BIL’s cat.  He did not get along with my SIL’s cat because her cat doesn’t like anybody, but he’s mostly just been ignoring her.  My SIL’s cats are always a little neurotic and somehow they always end up at my MIL’s place.  Unfortunately the BIL’s cat went back with BIL and SIL’s cat is staying on for a while.

So far it seems like Patio Cat has settled in.  He’s a good kitty and an easy kitty.

That leaves us with:

Little Kitty, our tiny aging cat who we are keeping.

Nice kitten who pees on things so we’ll be keeping her too.

The cat formerly known as mean kitten who is now a sweetheart.

Boy kitten.

One of my students emailed to ask if I still had cats because his grandma is in the market for one, but I haven’t heard back since replying in the affirmative, so I’m guessing she’s found another.

Why not just live large while in debt?

Vanessa asks on a GRS post:

I always thought the first rule to getting out of debt was to stop digging, but maybe not? And aside from a few bagels, it doesn’t seem like Honey’s lifestyle has been too compromised. Makes me wonder why I budget so strictly, when I could have a little debt and perhaps be a lot happier.

Kasia adds:

Why are people so negative and critical about someone else’s progress? Consumer debt and mortgage debt are completely different. You have to live somewhere and owning your own home even if you’re paying off a mortgage means you have an asset to your name, renting just means you can be kicked out at any time by a temperamental landlord. Either way you’re paying to live there so why not pay off your own home instead of someone else’s if you have that opportunity?

 

It’s about managing risk. A house can trap you unless you’re willing to foreclose on it. If you already have a good portion of your income stuck in debt-servicing you’re in a very vulnerable state when there’s a job loss or relocation.

In addition, Kasia shows a fundamental misunderstanding of the housing market.  Purchased houses also have a part you’re “throwing away”– mortgage interest, taxes, insurance, and maintenance. In our case, the taxes and insurance alone is 1/3 of our mortgage payment, and of course the interest part is the bulk of the payment when you start with a new mortgage.  On top of that, houses tend to create lots of regular “emergency” expenses (pipes break, trees fall, water-heaters die etc.) that the landlord takes care of when you’re renting.

When you have lots of consumer debt that you’re servicing, a house can add enormously to your risk because it’s a large required monthly expense whether you’re living there or not.  Things may be fine if you can just sell the house when times are bad, but bad times often mean it’s difficult to unload your house, even at a loss.

Living beyond your means is a precarious balancing act. Everything is fine until an emergency that’s too big happens and/or you run out of credit, and then you’re trapped. But if you’re ok with foreclosure and bankruptcy, then well, sure, why not live on the edge? Of course, if you’re high income, you may only be able to restructure debt in bankruptcy, not completely discharge it.

So to all those who are thinking, “why am I making sacrifices when I could just live like ‘Honey Smith’ and be happy?” It is an alluring thought, it really is. And there’s some probability that they’ll make it ok without bankruptcy or foreclosure. But the majority of people who try this are going to end up in bad shape.

So Vanessa– don’t give up.  Being able to spend like ‘Honey’ does without debt and with an emergency fund and with savings feels great (even if you don’t actually do the spending, the ability alone is nice), and it’s worth the sacrifice.  The sooner you start, the smaller the sacrifice you have to make and the quicker you end up with financial freedom.

And Kasia, ‘Honey Smith’ is not a good person to look to for financial advice.

link love

Outta town again.  What a busy end of summer!

I guess this is what happens to literature majors.  (Skip the first few paragraphs– keep reading)

Male and female word usage.

Cloud discusses the power of constraints

Glad to see we’re not the only people seriously skeeved by world domination summit.

If you feed your cats fancy feast, we’ve been having problems lately with little kitty having diarrhea and throwing up… after a week of eating just hard food she was mostly better, and she’s been mostly avoiding soft food.  Turns out we’re not the only people having this issue, and it may be fancy feast.  Any recommendations for soft food?  She doesn’t like the high fiber Hill’s stuff from the vet.

update on medieval poc

great discussion of risk vs. reward— we’ll be hitting that topic on Monday too

Look at Leah’s cute baby pictures!

Imagine a sexist imbecile.

Imagine a racist imbecile

Good news from Funny about Money.

This made us cry.  In a good way.

Ask the grumpies: Do I stay or do I go now, and if I go… then what?

Tired of being grumpy all the time asks:

I’m an assistant professor.  I found your blog when looking for advice on dealing with horrible departments.  I don’t like my job and have become a big ball of stress and unhappiness.  I had been looking forward to escaping during my unpaid summer months, but have been given a pile of service and administrative deadlines to deal with (still unpaid).  I’ve tried to find another job without any luck.  I may or may not get tenure.

When I read the post on one of the Grumpies quitting, I, quite literally, had the breath knocked out of me.  It had never occurred to me that quitting without a new job was something that people actually did. My husband is on board with my quitting; he even suggested it earlier this year.

I am hesitant to discuss this with anyone I know– if my department hears, I fear they will choose not to renew my contract.  I’d rather choose to leave than be forced to.  Do you have any advice, thoughts, questions I should consider as I contemplate this new plan?

We both actually have experience with this.  Not only did #1 quit recently, but #2’s husband quit a year ago (pre-tenure) without having any other employment lined up.

Neither quit happened overnight.  It’s hard to quit something that allows a lot of freedom and can’t fire you on only two weeks’ notice.  It’s even harder to give up the potential for complete job security.  Add to that the weird culture of academia where, at least when you’re new, leaving the academic track seems like failure (it isn’t!), and you get people sticking around probably longer than they should.

Sometimes sticking around works out– you can change things or go on to other jobs.  Sometimes you just need a year of leave (and you can often get a year of unpaid leave off the tenure clock to try things out– #2’s DH did that just by asking).  Sometimes it’s just delaying the inevitable.

We both know many other people who have made the jump.  All are happier for it.  We know people who were considering making the jump but with one thing or another they decided they could make it work where they were or they got a job offer at a different place and everything worked out.  They’re happier than they were too.  And we know people who are still working on making the decision.

#1’s experience of quitting was that, somewhat thankfully, it got bad enough that I felt good about leaving.  If it had been less bad, I might still be there.  Perhaps that’s where you are.  It took me a year to decide to quit.  Other people in my department also have exit plans (and every year we’ve been hiring to replace recent exits), which tells you how bad it is there.  My experience has been that quitting my job makes me feel amazingly good, but I don’t think I would have felt that way if I’d left pre-tenure.  I also have financial luxury to faff about until I figure out a new career.  And I might hate my next job, too!  (But at least it will PAY MORE.)

Also, consider this:  it’s likely you can outlast administrators.  However, consider the direction your school as a whole is going in (your department, college, university as a whole).  That was one among many clues that I didn’t belong in that particular place.  It was hard, hard, hard for me to give up an academic career– that is, until I was ready to do it.  Everyone has a different breaking point.  While you’re finding yours, save money like a fiend.  Try to stay sane.  Maybe start consulting on the side if you want to turn that into a new career.  This could be an opportunity to move to where you really want to be!  (Better work environment for husband, closer to family or the beach, lower cost of living, whatever.)

There must be something you love about academia to even go into it.  There are also things you hate.  Are they things you hate about the career, or this particular job, or some of both?  If you can figure out the particular *aspects* that are turning you into a ball of stress, you can look at adjusting them within this job or in a new job.

Things to consider:

Academia is just a job

Pre-tenure angst *read this book*.  If you feel trapped, this book will help you feel untrapped and will give you the tools you need to get to freedom, whether that includes staying where you are with an exit plan or making a big jump.  It will help you turn the risk of losing/leaving your job into a calculated risk, increasing the upside and decreasing the downside.

For the past three years or so, #2 has been talking about getting ready financially for her DH to quit, dealing with him being out of work, and adjusting to his new income, off and on in her monthly mortgage posts.   Savings and lowering monthly expenses create the luxury of being able to make a measured risk.

Are you a scanner?  As #1 says, think about what aspects of work make you happy and read up on what kinds of jobs fit those aspects.  For example, like Cloud, my husband is a scanner, so he likes shorter projects.  He likes working in groups.  He likes figuring out problems.  He needs mental stimulation.  He needs regular validation.  He’s currently getting all of these things in his current job, but wasn’t getting them in academia.

From a practical standpoint, it took #2’s husband several months to get consulting contracts and job interviews, but they all kind of hit at once, probably because of the way hiring cycles and budgets work.  He started lazily networking in May, then more seriously in September, and by November he was working in his new job.  (He did get an unsolicited offer to continue teaching off the tenure track at the university, but had no problem turning that down.)

If you quit, you’re not alone.  If you decide to stick it out, you’re not alone there either.  If you decide to stay for a while and work on a gradual exit plan, that actually seems pretty common.  You can make any choice into the right one, if you can find what fits well for you and your life.

Does that help?

And now, check the comments for thoughts from the Grumpy Nation.

Can’t vs. Won’t: A deliberately controversial post

One of Laura Vanderkam’s hobby horses is this idea that you should never say you “can’t” do something, just that you don’t want to make those trade-offs.

Of course, usually people are using “can’t” as a short-hand for “could but I’d have to do all these other things I either don’t want to do or I don’t want to tell you about possibly because it’s none of your business.”

The basic idea makes some sense, the idea being that it gives you agency.  It isn’t that you can’t quit your job, you just don’t want to give up the income from your job and downsize your home etc.  From one perspective you can’t, because you can’t without giving up things you don’t want to give up, but from another perspective you’re not really trapped.  Maybe “won’t” instead of “can’t” will help you think about alternative things that will get you want you want.  In my world view you’ve already thought these things through, but I’m not a self-help guru… I assume people are already at their optimum unless they’ve told me otherwise.  Any changes I force on people are going to knock them off their optimum path.  (Though in some cases society may prosper with the change because of externalities, spillovers, and so on.)

But is agency always a good thing?

There’s a couple of books that summarize literature than includes research on the benefits of limiting choices.  Framing something as “can’t” rather than “won’t” means you don’t have to think about re-optimizing every time you’re faced with a choice.  For example, when I had borderline gestational diabetes, I said that I couldn’t have sugars or refined calories.  Now, of course, I *could* (heck someone with celiac can have wheat so long as ze is willing to face the extremely dire consequences), but I didn’t want to hurt the baby, have a c-section (because of my irrational fear of anesthesiologists among other more rational reasons), or whatever.  If I’d said, “I choose not to” (but could make another choice) or “I won’t” (but am susceptible to cajoling) that would have made it much more difficult to resist the temptation I was resisting every time I was offered something that would spike my insulin.  Now that the only negative consequence to eating refined carbs is me getting fat (and some longer-term unproven potential health consequences), it is much more difficult to mentally frame the choice as “truly can’t.”  So I eat more refined carbs, even though I know I probably shouldn’t and in time t-1 would choose to not be offered the potato chips in time t if I could.  Allowing the choice makes it much harder for me to say no when the opportunity presents itself.  Many other reasons how and why arbitrarily limiting choices can help willpower and happiness can be found in the book Willpower by Baumeister and Tierney.

The Paradox of Choice is another great book that talks about the benefits of limiting choice (or rather, the problems with not limiting it). We’re often happier when we’ve made an irrevocable decision and don’t have to think about it anymore, and what is “can’t” other than a signal that we’ve made the decision not to and we’re sticking to it.

Recently I’ve been reading a lot of sociology literature on how people react to “decisions” other people have made.  It turns out that people have much more sympathy towards people when they don’t think a choice has been made and a lot more blame when they think the person made an active choice.  For example, is homosexuality a choice?  Under LV’s definition it is– if only the homosexual person had a different utility function or budget constraint, he or she would be heterosexual!  When experimental participants are primed to think that homosexuality is a choice, they are more likely to think badly of homosexuals and homosexual causes (e.g. gay marriage) than when they are primed to think it is not a choice.  An enormous literature covers this finding across many different areas from obesity to welfare receipt.  Saying can’t instead of won’t is a way that we attempt to protect ourselves from the judgment of others.  So much the better if we can’t because our circumstances are different.  Changing to “won’t” in common parlance may hurt our interactions with other people.

On top of all that (or perhaps negating all that!), the idea that language changes culture is called the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, and you can read up on how it has been well and thoroughly discredited.  Everybody knows that “can’t” only actually means “absolutely can’t” in certain situations (“I can’t have children [because I am infertile]”) and has the addendum “given reasons I’d rather not go into detail about or are obvious” in most situations (“I can’t have breakable china until my kids are older”).  Most people are pretty good at context and know when they’re using the short-hand “can’t” rather than the absolute “can’t”.  Because the word “can’t” already encompasses a vast spectrum of meanings, only in rare cases could using won’t or don’t instead of can’t actually affect anything, in theory.

And in practice, it’s far more likely that even those rare cases are really reverse causality– a person has a defeatist attitude or just hasn’t thought of all the possibilities and unhappily says “can’t” because of that, not the other way around.  In those cases, the response should not be to use different language, but to think of why the person thinks it’s impossible.  The attack should be on the thinking, not on the words.  That’s not to say that positive restructuring from cognitive behavioral therapy doesn’t work– it does and there’s a large literature on it working.  In situations for which CBT is recommended, anxiety, depression, etc. then changing “can’t” to “won’t” or even “will” may be appropriate and effective, but that also comes with the introspection of what changes can be made.  It isn’t solely the change in wording, but a complete change in mental framing.

Obviously, not having pretty china is not a cause of anxiety or depression for most people.  When someone says they can’t have breakable china because they have small children, it’s pretty ridiculous to suggest that they reframe that, unless the person is really really unhappy about not having breakable china.  And if they are really unhappy about Corelle, they probably actually already do have breakable china or carpeting in the kitchen or what have you.  Because what problem is reframing “can’t have breakable china” as “choose not to have breakable (even though I want it)” solving?  Oh gee, now I have the agency to make different choices about my china than the choices I’ve already made, even though I already knew I was making those choices when I used the short-hand “can’t” rather than “won’t.”

Update:  There were many interesting and thought-provoking comments on LV’s post expanding on her complaints about wording choice but my favorite has to be this one from The Frugal Girl:

I think sometimes these discussions can be like when someone points out to you that a tomato isn’t a vegetable.
Ok, this is technically true, but no one’s going to put it into a fruit salad anyway, so what is the point?

So, bottom-line.  It’s ok to say you can’t do something even if what you mean is you’ve “chosen not to given your utility functions and your budget constraint”.  Only in cases in which you are really unhappy about the choices you’ve made or feel that you’ve been forced into should you go back and think more about how you can change them.  And don’t go lecturing people about their choice to use “can’t” instead of “won’t” unless changing that language is actually going to make them happier.  I can assure you that I derive no additional happiness from being told that I could have pretty breakable china if I just wanted it enough.  And the title, “Things I want but can’t have until my children are older” is much more fun than, “Things I may get if I still want them in the future when my children are older,” even if the latter is framed positively.   Seriously, this blog is called GRUMPY RUMBLINGS.  We have to rumble grumpily sometimes or we lose street cred.+

+Ignore the fact that from a cognitive restructuring standpoint, both phrases are actually positively framed indicating that I can have these things later even if I can’t have them now.  (Willpower also talks about the positive effect of noting you can have stuff later.)  We still rumble with the grumps.

Ok Grumpeteers!  Go!

Fond grandparent memories

My MIL threw a party for DC2 when they visited this summer.  She rented a pony.  A PONY.   DC2 still talks about it– ze got to ride the horsie and feed it carrots and its mouth tickled hir hand.

My mother says she can’t compete with that and will stick to sending books (which are much appreciated!).  I can’t compete with that either.

But what are grandparents for, except spoiling kids?

I have fond memories of my grandmas (both grandfathers died long before I was born).  My one grandma had birds and would give me a banana every time I visited, which was often when we lived in the same state.   She eventually died of a stroke caused by a broken hip she got fighting off a purse snatcher in her mid-80s.  She was a tiny little woman who looks a lot like my sister.

My other grandma was considerably younger and thus more active.  In between stints with the Peace Corps, she made great chocolate chip walnut cookies and lived in fun places with barn cats or pools and lakes for swimming. (Until she moved to a boring little town in the midwest.  We still visited.)  She was the spoiling grandma– every time I went to her house there would be a new toy or dress for me.  When I was little and she lived in the same state she’d hide the new toy in a cupboard for me to look.  She gave me a much-desired Lemon Meringue Pie doll.  Once we went to the candy store (Fannie Mae!) and she let me buy one of every candy that they had (except the expensive pecan rolls).  My parents were upset with me for letting her do that, but what could be more magical than buying one of every candy in a store?  She didn’t seem to mind– she reminded my parents that she saw grandparent’s main job to spoil the grandkids, something my mother has repeated to me.

We lost her a few years ago after a decade-long struggle with Alzheimers, something my husband is dealing with with his remaining grandmother now.

But our memories remain.

What memories do you have of your grandparents?

Resources for PhDs seeking jobs outside of academia

In between bouts of sorting, de-cluttering, and apartment hunting, I’ve also been working on my job search. Here’s some helpful links I’ve found during my search.

How to avoid hassle during an out-of-state job search.

I might sign up for freelance editing work on  things like oDesk or eLance (any tips, readers?).  I don’t want to freelance forever, probably, but a little cash here and there might help.  Mostly I’m looking for an office job.

PhDs at Work looks interesting, but I haven’t spent a lot of time on there.  Does anyone want to investigate and report back in the comments?

Miriam Posner discusses what alt-ac (alternative-academic) jobs can and can’t provide.

There is a LinkedIn group called PhD Careers Outside of Academia, which is where I found this huge collection of links and articles for scientists transitioning to industry.  (I’ve also been checking out Ask A Manager but mostly for giggles.)

 

Do you have any recommendations for resources for PhDs seeking jobs outside of academia?  Specifically for social scientists or scientists who have some data skills and good writing skills, but only tiny amounts of programming skills, and nothing in biotech/pharma?  Thanks!