Live-blogging my cyber security awareness training

an IM chat with my partner.

ME: and now, for sauce, an hour-long video training on ‘cyber security awareness’.
WHY WHY WHY are there so many videos I HATE VIDEO TRAININGS
just write down the things that everyone under 50 knows, and it’ll take 5 minutes to read.

[#2 notes that Grumpy Rumblings does not endorse tired age stereotypes about technology knowledge or lack thereof.  Workers over 50 ALSO know this stuff.]

PARTNER: not all employees are under 50 :)

ME: “Don’t answer phishing emails” DURRRRR
durrrrrrrrrrrr
don’t share passwords durrrrrrrrrrr
Partner, did u know that phishing emails are common?
This ‘cyber attacker’ is wearing google glasses

PARTNER: they do that!
ME: do they???
PARTNER: no

ME: hey if a stranger calls u on the phone and tells u that ur computer is infected and u need to go buy this software to fix it… durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
“Simply hang up the phone or ignore the email.” This is some quality sh*t.

PARTNER: well, taunting them wouldn’t be very professional

ME: hey another unit about email
DO NOT OPEN THE ATTACHMENT
also the ‘cyber attacker’ is a man of course
o wait, this one’s a woman– also wearing google glass

here’s a hint: your bank’s not going to ‘deactivate’ your account.

This envelope is vibrating. I wouldn’t open that.
“Browsers are one of the primary ways we interact with the internet.”

PARTNER: good to know
ME: right?

“Should you heed security warnings?” gee what a hard quiz

“social networking websites are one of the most exciting technologies on the internet!”
this is definitely written BY 60-year-olds, FOR 60-year-olds.
oh no that guy got a fishing hook through his FACE

[#2:  See above disclaimer.  60 year olds who work have gone through more of these security trainings than #1 has.  They are aware of social networking.]

PARTNER: ow
ME: your friend doesn’t actually need you to wire money to him in Romania
PARTNER: I dunno, sometimes my friend is in Romania
ME: and they can only contact you via facebook?
PARTNER: well, probably not.

ME: also this video has bad grammar.
ooooh kidnapping your child, that’s definitely the item choice I’m picking.
I thought we were going to learn about encryption there for a minute, but no. That would be much harder than “don’t click that link, yo”
“Not only can you call anyone IN THE WORLD” using your cell phone… go figure.

PARTNER: well, usually I can’t call you, actually.  [This is because #1 is the only person left in the US without a cell phone.]
ME: in the WORLD, Partner.
hahahaha “never jailbreak your own phone”

PARTNER: then teh haXX0Rz will pwnz you!
ME: don’t go to http://www.EvilAntiVirus.com — I bet you shouldn’t click on that link
PARTNER: Firefox can’t establish a connection to the server at http://www.evilantivirus.com
ME: sad
the section on passwords promises hilarity
oooh passphrases. Use numbers in place of letters. Are you listening, 60-year-olds? [#2:  60 year olds probably have as many passwords as the rest of us non 60-year olds]
PARTNER:  31337!
the password ‘p4$$w0rd’ is totally uncrackable!
ME: hey don’t use your banking password for youtube
PARTNER: but then how will I remember my youtube password?
ME:  o noes
never share your password, Partner. It is a SECRET.

PARTNER: Keep it secret. Keep it safe.
ME: Enable “Hobbit-level” security.
Don’t send important secret work information to your personal email

PARTNER: but how will I get it home?
ME: Don’t log in as root unless you need to…
this guy seems to have an RFID chip embedded in his clavicle
that seems… not-ideal
PARTNER: ow

ME: don’t install software that has the Jolly Roger on it.

PARTNER: but I really liked Assassin’s Creed 4
ME: me too!
“These steps should be applied in a way that is consistent with our policies.” no, really?
argh, grammar.
hey that loud-ass bird is back, the one that likes to sit outside our window and look at us. What’s up, loud bird?

PARTNER: tweet
ME:  “Which of the following is a typical step that an attacker will take after compromising a system?

A. Installing Microsoft Office on your system.”
ha!

“If you believe your system has been compromised, you should: A. Continue using the system so the attacker does not become suspicious” — YES, YES, pick that one

WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY

This data management policy is laid out like a football play. Am I the running back or the tight end?

“We hope you enjoyed your security awareness training.”  NOPE.

PARTNER: thaT DOES NOT CHANGE THEIR HOPE THOUGH

ME: hahahaha
“Remember, our goal is not to scare you from using the internet.”
“Technology is a tremendous tool that enables you to accomplish amazing things.”  Ok, Grandma.  [#2:  Most grandmas are well aware of facebook and skype etc.]

[end.]

Later, my co-worker started the same online training and spontaneously burst into giggles.  “Welcome to the 21st Century?” she asked.  “It gets worse,”  I told her.

#2 notes that her IT training just switched to slow and stupid.  No skipping to the quiz anymore.  No just reading the slides and fast forwarding them.  Nope, you cannot move ahead until they’re done talking.   And it’s an hour and a half with a huge amount of useless prologue.  UGH.  So, of course, instead of actually paying attention, I’m just letting it run on my secondary monitor, clicking next whenever I notice a slide has finished (there are ~150 slides).  If they want me to learn something, this is not the way to go about it.

What’s the dumbest training you’ve been to?  How can we all be less ageist?

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RBOC

  • I should always get someone else to come up with a title for my papers.   The papers I name myself have the lamest names.  Back in high school I feel like I came up with better titles.  (One memorable history title:  “Iran around the plateau”… though I forget what came after the colon.  I think I also had one called, “Pope on a rope.”  That one was about different European countries attempting to control the power of the papacy back in the day.)  Today mine are more like, “Using X to Y” or “The effect of X on Y”.  When other people come up with the titles they’re a lot sexier.
  • “[Complaining about unreasonable deadlines.] Since my boss doesn’t live in reality, he is bound to be disappointed.”  — Overheard on the subway.
  • Whenever DH travels for work, I miss him and my sanity.
  • I don’t like it when people at work tell folks to clean up after themselves “because your mother isn’t here.”  As if somehow it is a mother’s responsibility to clean up after people’s messes.  Grr.  Stupid patriarchy.  Even my 3 year old can clean up after hirself so long as there’s no broken glass, and when there is broken glass, well, isn’t that facilities’/daddies’ responsibility?  (I’m sure they don’t want to be paying me workers comp because I sliced open my typing hand, given that facilities generally has things like gloves and dustpans and little brooms and stuff).
  • I’ve temporarily taken to calling both of our children, “George”.  It makes it easier.  Especially when they call me, “Daddy.”  (I will love them and cuddle them…)
  • Our dishwasher is broken. Oh man, I hope either DH can fix it when he gets back (it’s an electrical problem according to the error codes and DH is pretty good with those so long as zie is careful about wire color) or the landlord (partner of our former landlord) actually sends somebody to fix it because I don’t want to buy a new dishwasher that we’re only going to use for a handful of months. DC1 is learning how to wash dishes!  Efficiently!  Update:  I found another site that mentioned a first step is unplugging and replugging (just like a computer) and DH suggested it might be plugged in under the sink (it was), so I tried that.  It no longer has an error code, but I will have to wait for dishes before testing it.  It would be lovely if rebooting it just worked without having to replace any circuit boards.  It’s amazing how much can be solved by just starting all over from scratch with a reboot.  Update 2:  Now it’s giving a different error code, one that I can’t find on the internet.  This can wait for DH.
  • DC1 has just discovered grown-up They Might Be Giants.  I am enjoying conversations in which zie puzzles out the meaning behind Birdhouse in your soul (possibly the only TMBG grown-up song that makes sense…).  Zie still hasn’t figured it out, but we’ve had much discussion.

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Where Chacha’s donation went and why you should donate too

Chacha won our “most commenting of 2015″ contest (even though she wasn’t aware she’d entered, she had, oh, she had).  That means she got to pick where we donated our last month’s blog earnings to.  How much did we donate?  Well, we topped it up so that we could give $100.  That seems like a nice number.

Where did she pick?  Planned Parenthood.

Planned Parenthood is a non-profit that provides women’s health care and reproductive information world-wide.  They do cancer screenings and reproductive health for men and women, as well as pre-natal care and access to family planning.  They are a force for good in this world, allowing women control over their own bodies, helping families (including low income families who don’t have other options) plan the family size that is best for them, and providing health care to those who would not otherwise be able to afford it.

Unfortunately they are under attack in the US.  The only reason that we can think of is that the Patriarchy wants to keep women down.  They want poor people to remain poor.  They want women to remain permanently pregnant.  The want rich white men in control always and forever.  It sounds like a conspiracy theory, but is there any other explanation about why there’s so much push to cut government funding for non-abortion services?  (Abortion services already do not receive government funding.)

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Because of this lack of government funding, Planned Parenthood has had to scale back considerably.  In much of the country, women now have to drive hours, possibly across states, to use their services.  That means that a lot of women are no longer able to get access to safe, affordable birth control, cancer screenings, or, yes, abortions.  That means more unwanted babies being born in bad circumstances.  More women dying of preventable diseases.  More back-alley abortions.  Real people are being hurt.

What can you do?  Well, your donations won’t make up for the government cut-backs, but every dollar still helps.  Donate.

And write your government officials.  Tell them you want funding restored.  Healthcare for women is important for everyone.  It’s important for this country.

Join ChaCha in helping this important organization.  And thank you.

Saturday link love

Let’s see… I think we talked a lot this week.  What all did we discuss… c’mon gchat, don’t fail me now…

What Obama has quietly accomplished.  And a great SOTU clip about American values.

What happens when a woman announces she isn’t reading white authors for a year.  The answer may not surprise you.

60% of women in tech say they’ve been sexually harassed, and other depressing facts.  Fun times.

#2 argues that this article isn’t worth posting because who cares about Hollywood.  [I didn’t say it wasn’t worth posting; I said that I *personally* don’t care about Hollywood.]  But I say that Hollywood is the patriarchy on steroids and Hollywood magnifies what happens to women in the rest of the world.  Other women go through the same thing, but with Hollywood, it’s more visible and obvious.  The article is about how Hollywood is illustrating the patriarchy, whether or not you care about JLaw. One can care about Planned Parenthood AND about how women are not allowed to get ahead without being pulled down.  (Also, seriously Oscar’s, what’s up with the 100% white nomination schedule?  Again.  And Huffpo, was there really only one actress of color in Hollywood able to be nominated in your article suggesting potential nominees of color?)

I stand with Linda Sue Beck.

Another article about women and weightloss.

When to be shallow.

Ana had a bunch of great posts this week.  We, of course, picked out the deliberately controversial one to link to.  Well, and this review of the kon mari book.

How common are 401 K loans?

This financial advice for new faculty seems reasonable.

Go over and say hi to No Trust Fund!

Time starved skilled workers may be driving gentrification (Mr. Money Moustache in action)

Makes it hard for other teams to argue that they’re moving to LA now.

#2 sent this obnoxious unsourced opinion article on msg, because I guess the fact that she doesn’t get msg headaches means they don’t exist (#1 HATES msg headaches, which are similar to pressure headaches for her).  [I didn’t SAY that!  I sent a link and that is all.]  The whole “nocebo” thing the author is talking about is crap.  In a randomized controlled trial, people who think they are msg sensitive are.  So no, I’m not a hypochondriac, at least not when it comes to headaches.

Another article about a really sad marital/parental relationship.  I really should just not read MIM.  It’s so full of sad.

libraries

The weirdest identity theft ever.

An interesting word and a story about nudity.

Sister Notorious’s Home for Wayward Medievalists.  As of this typing, you can still buy it!

Cute kitty pictures.

Ask the grumpies: What do you think about that horrible Wendy Williams and Stephen Ceci article?

Taia asks:

I read your blog occasionally and am interested in your comments on this article studying hiring preferences for male/female academics in science fields.
http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2015/04/08/1418878112.abstract

Anything for an occasional blog reader?

There’s already some great commentary on this terrible article (shame on PNAS for publishing it!) <– scroll down in the link for a bunch of linked studies.

In addition to all of the problems already illuminated in the linked criticism, but there are some elements of the survey design right off the bat that have been shown to decrease predicted discrimination.  For example, comparing two functionally identical resumes next to each other results in decreased implicit bias (according to a much better written PLOS One article).  That’s why good lab studies will compare across participants rather than within participants.  Field studies do often compare within participants (job openings), but they aren’t the only two resumes being considered, and even so, a new working paper by a researcher (David Phillips) from Hope college shows that by sending functionally identical resumes in these field studies, matched pair audit studies do change how the resumes are perceived.

Also the quality of the candidates matters– there seems to be a winner take all thing going in many stem fields so when women are at the top of the distribution they’re preferred, but when they’re not at the top, they are discriminated against compared to similar males.

Finally, even if the research designs were externally and internally valid (which they are not, see linked commentary), there have been at least 19 studies showing the opposite of this study, so it’s unlikely, but these results could just be random.

(That’s not even including the history that the authors have of doing bad science to support their demonstrated agenda.)

More on math and perfectionism

Combating perfectionism and its sequelae is an ongoing battle at houses with gifted youngsters.  It is hard to provide continual challenges for smart kids that allow for failure but also allow for recovery from said failure.  When life gets too easy, failures seem to become that much more devastating when they do occur.

I really like math.  And math is nice because it comes in different levels which can provide different kinds of challenges and generally there’s going to be a solution.

We really enjoyed the workbook, Hard math for elementary students, though when I say “enjoyed” it was kind of a love-hate relationship for DC1.  There were sometimes tears.  But in the end, zie always triumphed, and that was exciting for DC1 and created true pride (though an odd consequence was that when DC1 cranked through a page easily, zie decided that page was too easy!).  It truly was a hard math book.  We were thinking of going through it again, but DC1 hasn’t wanted to.  Since DC1 just got into brain teasers and is spending hours on them on hir own, I ordered Aha and Gotcha and am going to let hir explore by hirself.

One of the really good parts of math for perfectionist people is that sometimes in order to get things right, you have to get them wrong a lot first.  There’s a method of solving things called “brute force” in which you just methodically try all of the possible answers to see which one(s) work.  You *have* to get things wrong.

The game Mastermind is another example of needing to get things wrong in order to find information that gets to the right answer.  You guess and then get feedback that helps you guess again until you narrow down the answer.  The game just isn’t that much fun if you guess right on the first try.  This game too initially caused tears in DC1, but coming back to it later it has been fun.

Finally, a fun (free, online) game recommended by school is fire boy and water girl.  This is another one where you learn about the world and have to try again and again in order to get the solution.  This one has never caused tears to my knowledge, though zie has stopped playing in frustration and come back later, which is totally valid.

It would definitely be nicer if there were never tears, but the pride that happens after figuring out something that previously seemed impossible might be worth it.

Do you have any suggestions for challenges, math or otherwise?

Library Haul

After talking with #2, I decided to reread My Antonia.  I’d forgotten about the racism (#2 has been having this problem with books she read as a child as well– how did I forget?).  Also, having grown up somewhere with hot summers, I completely don’t believe that whole “it’s hot but we didn’t really notice it, and summer is totally beautiful” bunk.  Heat stroke is real, and not fun.

Anno Dracula.  It was ok.  A little bit too proud of itself.  I wanted to know more about the 400-year-old female vampire.

The Lyttelton Hart-Davis Letters (vol. 1).  Just two English guys being nice to each other, gossiping, talking about books, and how much they like each other.  Soothing and cheerful.  A good read before bed.

The Gates of Sleep, one of Mercedes Lackey’s Elemental Masters series.  Turns out I had already read it and I just kept forgetting.  It’s the sleeping beauty retelling.  The heroine triumphs through her own internal fortitude, aided by love of her family and friends.  A good popcorn read with a happy ending.  Get it from the library.

The Anchoress by Robyn Cadwallader.  Took a chance on this one because it looked interesting.  (Was it worth it?)  Yes.

Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson.  Not just a description, a philosophy!  The Blogess deals with her mental illnesses by writing funny things.

#2 read um… some more Loretta Chase, which continues to be mixed.  She does recommend Last Night’s Scandal and so far she’s enjoying the Dressmakers series.  She found Balogh’s Simply Unforgettable to be irritating with one of those a single serious conversation would have  ended the book a lot earlier tropes.  So much dragging.  Also, the heroes’ persistence would be scary if he were the villain.  The other books in that series are great though.