As should be abundantly obvious from this election season if nothing else, women are condemned if they are anything less than perfect, anything less than 120% or more of their male counterparts.
On the other hand, they’re also generally hated if they seem to be perfect, seem to be better than average, or seem to have their excrement together.
You see this on the political stage. You see this on mommy blogs. It, as part of the patriarchy, is the water we drink and the air we breath.
Woman are constantly calling “perfect” women out saying no, they’re not actually perfect. They secretly suck but just don’t show the parts where they suck.
In order to not be hated, women talk about how no no, they’re imperfect too. Their house isn’t always tidy. Or whateverthef patriarchal standard they’re not meeting, no matter how successful they are in other spheres.
And other women are soooo grateful. You are so brave to talk about your imperfections. This makes me feel so much better.
It’s a common narrative and it sucks donkey gonads.
When you see someone is successful, here’s what you should try to do.
- Think about whether or not this is something you care about for yourself. If you don’t care, then don’t compare yourself along that dimension. Don’t hate the woman because she can bake or craft if you don’t care about baking or crafting.
- If you do care, first decide if this is something you really care about or if it’s just something that patriarchy makes you think you should care about (see: having a clean house). If the latter, then refer to #1.
- If the former, then instead of hating on the other woman, instead of trying to cut her down to size, see if you can get tips on how to do it better yourself. If that’s something you want to spend time doing. Share your joy of doing whatever it is. It’s not a zero-sum game.
Don’t get your self-value from comparisons to other people. Work on yourself. Value your progress. Compare yourself to your ideal and work on getting there. Don’t negatively compare yourself to other people. Especially not along lines that have nothing to do with your own values and priorities. Or even if they do match your values and priorities. Move yourself forward, don’t push other people back.
We want the world to be a better place. There’s enough pie for everyone if we keep making the pie bigger. No need to force someone to take a smaller slice if it means a smaller pie.
Smash the patriarchy.