Look, we all know we’re living in some dystopian novel, probably written by Donald Westlake, but maybe Vonnegut.
So everything that is happening, is happening, as they say in LA, for a Reason. (The Universe/God closes a door but opens a window?) This is generally true because people in LA who say such things tend to live storybook lives with plots and things.
We’re in a plot and someone is being punished ironically. Or is being given strife in order to have Character Growth. Or maybe the universe is on its way to being destroyed so that they can save it.
But who? Who is the protagonist? And WHY?
I know it’s not me– my life is too boring and I no longer have enough cats to be a cozy animal novel (which I have decided after much pondering this question is my ideal novel to live in). So it can’t be my fault for deciding to not only go to DH’s family thing this summer but to also have an actual vacation for our anniversary when we NEVER go on vacations that aren’t work or DH’s-family related. I didn’t make the universe’s sense of irony do this, simply because I am not at all important. My narrative is supremely uninteresting. Nobody wants to read about me. I’m a side character in someone else’s book.
Who do you think is the protagonist? What kind of novel are you the protagonist of/a character in?
Grumpy Rumblings (of the formerly untenured) 
April 15, 2020 at 2:51 am
I feel like I’m the protagonist in some shitty 9000 page Thomas Pynchon novel that everyone pretends to have read but no one can get past the first hundred pages cause it’s so fucken shitty & unreadable.
April 15, 2020 at 7:04 am
Huh, I would have pegged you more as a character in a chick-lit novel like the Shopoholic series or Bridget Jones.
April 15, 2020 at 9:20 am
The pointless, poorly edited version of “Dear Committee Members”. . .
April 15, 2020 at 9:33 am
Rofl
April 15, 2020 at 10:25 am
This is the remake of Contact for the microbiologist set. That one virologist working for NIH who is on twitter talking about the Moderna trial is Dr. Ellie Arroway.
April 15, 2020 at 11:47 am
Is the government as awful in Contact as it is now?
April 15, 2020 at 2:49 pm
I don’t fully remember, but there is definitely a lot of cover up/governmental denial, so that seems to fit.
April 15, 2020 at 10:54 am
I’m teaching the SF novel this semester. During one of the sessions, I was explaining dystopian novels, and putting the characteristics for a dystopia up on the whiteboard, and when I was about 3/4 of the way through my students began to protest and cry out: “BUT, BUT, BUT — Dr. Jennings, that’s uS!”
Which, yeah.
April 15, 2020 at 11:45 am
on the one hand, sigh, because they’re right
on the other hand, yay that they picked up on that
April 15, 2020 at 3:37 pm
*tears* It IS us. I’m glad they can see it but how utterly depressing.
April 15, 2020 at 12:27 pm
Is Dr. Fauci one of the misfits?
April 15, 2020 at 12:32 pm
Like with Jem and the Holograms?
April 15, 2020 at 12:50 pm
Well, everything is outrageous. Truly, truly outrageous.
April 15, 2020 at 12:57 pm
ROFL. You’re right!
April 15, 2020 at 1:54 pm
I feel like I’m living in 1984. One’s life does not have to be particularly dramatic or interesting to be a protagonist in that book. The double speak I’m hearing everywhere is mind boggling, and I don’t understand how short some people’s memories must be to not recognize the double speak.
April 15, 2020 at 2:10 pm
I feel like the government in 1984 was more competent, you know? Though I totally agree that the amount of doublespeak is ridiculously impressive.
April 15, 2020 at 5:02 pm
https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/04/15/835250693/michigan-stay-at-home-order-prompts-honking-traffic-jam-protest?utm_medium=RSS&utm_campaign=nprblogscoronavirusliveupdates
Fucked up times these days, But I guess it was always there,….except for COVID19 really
Anon in mass
April 15, 2020 at 5:11 pm
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/apr/15/michigan-coronavirus-protest-stay-home-order-gretchen-whitmer
Sorry, I know these are unrelated to your post but this infuriates me beyond belief.
Any protest right now should lean the other way….aggressively calling out the president and all of the stupid that preceded this pandemic and exploded after and presently. I feel like I am not exposed to enough challenge, anger and opposition to this(these)shit for brains in the white house.
But maybe that’s partially due to all of the isolation. *sigh
Anon in mass
April 15, 2020 at 5:20 pm
Yeah. And it’s getting so much more news than bigger protests against ice and so many other things. The media just gave up covering.
April 15, 2020 at 5:21 pm
But I bet the media will be eager to cover the “got covid at an anti quarantine protest” as well
April 15, 2020 at 5:46 pm
I’m simply not interesting enough to be the protagonist of any novel, nor do I have enough animals to qualify under an animal topic. :)
April 15, 2020 at 5:50 pm
I dunno, I’ve read cozy animal books where someone only has two pets.
April 15, 2020 at 6:16 pm
There’s gotta be a plucky orphan somewhere who will round up an eclectic group of new friends and eventually triumph in their quest, right? I think the main problem is we’re drastically over supplied with villains; we may need multiple protagonists to counter the sheer level of “It’s one banana, what could it cost, ten dollars?”
April 15, 2020 at 6:42 pm
I sure hope so. But I suspect that we’re needed too.
April 16, 2020 at 7:33 am
Definitely a Vonnegut novel. And I’m pretty sure Trump is the reason the universe exists. I mean, just ask him, I’m sure he’ll confirm.
He’s the tragic hero forced to do bad things by the chemicals in his brain.
April 16, 2020 at 12:56 pm
This post somehow reminded me of To Say Nothing of the Dog, which I think I first read on your recommendation, so I started reading it again. So great!
April 16, 2020 at 1:41 pm
An excellent book!
April 24, 2020 at 9:46 pm
Haha. This gave me a good chuckle because I’m convinced we are all kind of stuck in the story of that trickster genie who grants your wish but not in the way you expect and you regret it. At the beginning of the quarantine, I teased my partner that he’s getting everything he asked for – not having to spend money for all the social events on the schedule (lots of weddings/bachelor parties) but it was a punishment because he loves socializing and misses his Friday nights with the guys. I wanted a break/vacation from grad school but couldn’t afford one (time-wise and financially) and look what I got…
April 24, 2020 at 9:48 pm
Oh to answer the question. The protagonist is the genie. We’re just all insignificant sentences that hopefully add up to a story of change and better appreciation although that’s the lesson, tbd if anyone learns it.