We bought a cheap bidet

Dear readers,

I bought a cheap ($35) bidet (all amazon links are affiliate, also the price currently appears to be closer to $40), figuring it was only $35 and it doesn’t require electricity so we don’t have to worry about wiring or having an extension cord go across the water closet.  (Note:  we have an elongated toilet seat– if you have a round one you will need a different model than the one we got.)

Here’s a set of texts from my first use:

… I tried it.

I screamed, but only the first time.  Even though I was the one controlling the setting, it was still a shock.  I turned it off right away and then tried again without screaming.

I… don’t know what to say.

I um feel clean?  Very clean.  Squeaky clean.

This kind only reaches one spot so one would have to do gymnastics to deal with uhhh urine or blood.

I don’t know how to feel about it.

DH also says he does not know how to feel about it.

A few days later, DH decided he does have an opinion.

A bidet is like a small shower.  It is useful for the times when you wish you could get into a shower but don’t want to go through the effort of taking your clothes off.  In those cases, it is the right tool for the job.  Otherwise, it is still like a shower, but it is a very directed shower in a place in which I do not want a shower.

He also noted that except in those rare occasions in which the bidet is the right tool, he uses more toilet paper to dry off than he would wiping.  (I assume this would be less of a problem with the heated air from the $450 model.)

We have very high water pressure in our house.  (This is a problem for our master toilet– we blow through toilet internal parts much faster than we ought to.)  Fortunately the bidet isn’t dangerous until you hit the setting for 3 (it goes up to 4…)  Setting 1 is always gentle. Depending on the time of day and whether someone else is using that water line, you either want 1.5 or 2 on ours.  But there is a really fine line between cleaning and giving yourself an accidental enema.

Sometime in October we finally hit Fall weather.  It turns out the water gets *very* cold once it is no longer summer.  That may argue for one of the more expensive heated models depending on how tough your nether regions are.

While I cannot say anything about the $450 model which is supposed to have a feature that allows you to better er, position things for women’s monthly cycles, I can definitely say that I would not recommend the cheap $35 version for that purpose.  Basically, water gets everywhere.  It is definitely more functional for defecation purposes.

And that is my “we got a cheap bidet” review.  I don’t think we’ll get a $450 model for any of our other bathrooms, but we’re also not going to be uninstalling this one from the master bathroom.

Do any of you have an expensive bidet that you love or hate?  What is your bidet experience?

17 Responses to “We bought a cheap bidet”

  1. CG Says:

    Well, thank you for doing this experiment so I don’t have to. It sounds like an experience I would probably rather avoid! Our friends got a Toto Washlet–very fancy. I haven’t decided whether or not it would be weird for me to ask them if I could try it!

  2. rose Says:

    REALLY APPRECIATE THE FEEDBACK REVIEW!!! Hope others also share experiences and opinions.

  3. We love ours! Says:

    We got the basic hello tushy model last year for Christmas, and we love it. We don’t have power in that WC that is easily accessible, so we do cold water only (also in the deep south though). It has a lever to change the angle, and you can control the flow of water. There’s even a cleaning setting once you spray. It was like $100 on a Christmas special, and we have no regrets! In fact, it is so wonderful we want to upgrade to a nicer one one day (with heated water). It’s really nice for monthly cycles too.

  4. Linda Says:

    I tried the same one and did not like it because it was hard to direct the stream where I wanted it. I replaced it with a handheld one and like it much better. I can effectively direct how strong the stream is and where it goes with the handheld one. I did have to reduce the flow of water to the toilet, though, because my water pressure is high, too. As a result, my toilet tank refills more slowly, but that’s not a big deal to me. The water is not heated, but I don’t mind that. This is the one I got instead https://www.amazon.com/Brondell-CleanSpa-Advanced-Attachment-Precision/dp/B077PMM9NC?ref_=ast_sto_dp

  5. eltea Says:

    This very much sounds like my experience when I saw the shower head in my first week in the US 20 years ago. It was stuck on the wall, there was no handheld shower head! One had to do certain gymnastics in order to make sure one is rinsed well.
    I grew up in a country with all toilet bowls manufactured with builtin bidet (but not with heated air), so it took some time to make sense of why people who are obsessed with morning showers did not use bidet. Each to its own, I guess.
    I made peace with it and installed a handheld shower and a bidet in every place I lived.

    • nicoleandmaggie Says:

      When I was little we didn’t have a shower so we had a handheld shower attachment for the (ancient clawfoot) bathtub. I’d always thought of stationary showers as newer and maybe a bit higher class than the handheld ones! But you’re right, there are some gymnastics involved.

  6. Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life Says:

    Thanks for sharing! I was curious about how well those worked but didn’t want to try myself XD Our friends had the handheld installed some years back and they seemed pretty happy with it but it’s something they’ve always been used to using so I guess they already knew what they were doing.

  7. nicoleandmaggie Says:

    Accidental Enema, btw, is the name of my next band.

  8. Jenny F. Scientist Says:

    You are not making an unheated Surprise Nethers Shower sound very attractive here! A heated one, on the other hand, maybe I could go for.

  9. Lisa Says:

    We’re installing a Toto washlet in our new house. DH is enthusiastic (he spent some time in Japan and liked the bidets there). I am a little bit terrified. Somehow the whole concept is beyond me (as in, how do you work it so you’re not dripping wet? How do you not get your pants wet?). But I’ll try it sometime when the stakes are low. It’ll be months before we’re ready to install it, so I am safe for a while!

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