Poll: What is your area of expertise

This could be by training, by profession, by hobby, whatever.  You get to decide.  Pick as many as you want.  Add details in the comments!  Especially if you choose other!

 

 

Anthems for working

You Better Work.

Unless you want to live in a Van by the River.

What reminds you to work?  Do you have any working anthems?

What free things have we been doing for fun in Paradise?

Paradise has the benefit of not being 80-gazillion degrees with 100% humidity.  WOOOOO.

Paradise has a lot of things to spend money on, but it also has a lot of fun activities that are completely free.  And we’ve been enjoying them!

1.  We have been going to all sorts of different parks and playgrounds.  The kids love this.  And, unlike the playgrounds in our hometown, they still have swing-sets.  Enjoy those swings while you still can, kids.  We’d do playgrounds in our hometown as well, and many of them are shaded, but even shaded it was really an early morning or late evening activity.  In Paradise we can take the kids whenever they’re feeling squiggly.  Drawback:  Their endurance is going way up.

2.  The library!  The last time we lived in a city this was a 20 min walk and we’d go once a week.  Now it is a 7 min walk and we go LOTS.  There are puzzles and so many books.  Their romance section isn’t great, but their other branches have more books and they deliver to this branch, so that’s been fun.  In our hometown the library isn’t as good and we have a lot more books at home so it was more of a once a month activity.  Related:  We’ve been reading more books.  DC1 has technically done two summer reading programs this summer, one in our hometown and ze is signed up for the one here.

3.  Free movies in the park.  Every Friday evening in the summer there are free movies in one of the city parks.  We do not do this in our hometown because it’s hot and there are too many mosquitos.  I don’t go to these, but the kids have been enjoying them (DH has been tolerating them).

4.  First Fridays.  Every first Friday of the month there’s music and dancing and booths and so on in the townsquare closest to us.  DC2 has been talking about the first one ever since it happened and cannot wait for the next.  At home the town next to ours has first Fridays, but it’s a drive and there’s less free stuff.  Related:  there have been a couple of community street fairs that have a few food stands for local restaurants but are mostly things like the firepeople letting people climb all over the firetruck, ditto police people and a police car, the library staff playing banjo music etc.

5.  Driving to state/local parks.  (This does cost gas.)  Some of the state parks in the area cost $ (though not much money) for either entrance fees or for parking, but many of the smaller ones do not.  They spent two hours throwing pebbles and sticks into a pond and did not want to leave.

6.  Grocery shopping/farmers markets/specialty markets.  While not technically free, we have to get food for the week *anyway* and it’s been fun seeing all the different kinds of food there are.  The kids love Trader Joe’s!  Our friends out here with kids the same age say they never take their kids grocery shopping because they don’t behave, so YMMV on taking kids to do chores.

7.  Biking.  I haven’t gotten a bike yet [update:  I ordered one], but DC1, DC2, and DH all have bikes, and DH has a seat for DC2 for longer distances.  They have been having enormous fun just biking around.  They’ve been doing a lot of seeing if they can get to daycare and DC1’s school, checking the cheap neighborhood bike guy to see if he has any adult bikes in yet, trying out playgrounds that are farther afield, and so on.

8.  Walking.  Just checking out the neighborhood and places we can walk to from where we live.

9.  Playing with friends.  We have some friends out here with kids exactly the same age as our kids and they’ve been having a great time.  It’s been really odd socializing mid-week instead of just on weekends.

10.  Going to short plays put on by a summer camp every other Friday just outside the library.

That’s it for so far, but we haven’t been here long!  I suspect there will be activities attached to public school.

What have we been doing less of?  Less ipad.  Less Netflix.  Less swimming (DC1 is taking lessons, but the HOA pool was free and we don’t have passes for the nearby pool).  Fewer video games.

What have we been doing that costs money?  Street fairs with yummy food.  DH and the kids went to a museum (there are plans to do more, but spread out and when relatives visit).  DC1 did a daycamp that had a field trip to an amusement park.  As mentioned before, we signed DC1 up for a few daycamps in addition to swimming lessons.  DC2 has daycare.  DH has used up most of his saved up allowance on exploring coffee shops and sandwich places.

What free fun things do you do?

link love

Our ability to comment on blogspot blogs is still really sporadic.  So it isn’t that we don’t want to comment, omdg, we just can’t :( .

Another week, another awful police story.  :(

white male privilege twitter

Ever notice how pc is “bad” when intellectuals do it but “good” when corporations do it?

Related:  the definition of irony

when rick perry says something is nuts…

the real reason American public transportation is such a disaster

the war of the closes

Good tips for list haters and lovers alike from wandering scientist

Cuddle a kitty!

fill your heart with music!

Ask the grumpies: When bullies bully through tone-policing

Oldmdgirl asks:

[A]ny advice on how to handle the following scenario: Say, someone tries to bully you into doing something and you hold your ground patiently but firmly — often they will claim you were “rude” in order to try to get you in trouble with your superiors. I’m not sure how to handle this type of feedback since a) complying with their request may not have been reasonable/safe/possible in any way, b) you provided a completely reasonable alternative that they rejected without listening, c) they actually tried to bully you and were rude to you. Do you stand your ground? Do you defend yourself? What is the best way to handle this sort of scenario? I had something like this happen recently, and I was wondering if there was any merit to proactively seeking out feedback about how the situation could have been handled differently in order to have avoided the frustration on everybody’s part. Thoughts?

Crucial conversations tends to suggest you pretend they’re not bullying you and to reframe what they’re saying to make sure you understand etc. etc. etc.  You would then proactively seek feedback as you suggest, following their instructions on keeping the other party safe and focusing on the situation, not anything personal.  But Crucial Conversations also doesn’t really get that women are treated differently than men. Some of their afterwards from the updated edition get into this idea a little bit but don’t offer any solutions, just say that although their recommendations usually work with even difficult people, they don’t always work with all bullies.

With bullies, I have found that what often works the best (as a woman in a male-dominated field) is to channel your inner mom/kindergarten teacher/nun (your choice) and sigh a bit, and then talk in your disappointed voice. “I wish we could do that, but you know that isn’t safe/wasn’t reasonable/could hurt someone.” “Oh, [name], I did give you a suggestion, but …” “I don’t like being treated this way/Did you just say [x] to me? Why did you say [x]?  That wasn’t very nice/constructive/etc.” Some of my female heroes have this really cool way of being firm and disappointed at the same time. I’m mostly just disappointed– I’m working on getting more moxy so I can add just the right amount of underlying “they shoulda known better”.

People seem to be able to defer to a woman when reminded of a woman who once had power over them and you address them as if they’re naughty toddlers or elementary schoolers, especially when that’s what they’re acting like.  Students stopped trying to bully me pretty much entirely once I had a toddler of my own and started treating them like preschoolers instead of adults.  The same treatment works with overbearing white guys as well.

Grumpy Nation, do you have any suggestions from the trenches?

What is the path to perfection?

Sometimes it seems like people think their lives will be some sort of perfect ideal, for example, if I can run marathons or keep my house clean or organize the crap out of every minute of the day… or whatever the latest fad is.  (I guess those fads were several iterations ago… as I finish this post it’s minimalism and Frugalwoods-style frugality… can you tell we’ve been finishing up and scheduling old drafts?)

But these internet fads aren’t magic bullets.   Some people love marathon training and some people don’t.  Some people enjoy cleaning and some people don’t.  Some people need more organization than others or have situations that make compartmentalization necessary or optimal.  It’s great to try these things out, but if they don’t bring the solutions you were looking for, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with *you*.  Even if they work for someone else whose blog you read, especially someone who is trying to sell products along with that perfect lifestyle.  They are they (them?) and you are you.  Different strokes.

It’s important to realize that choices are choices and not referenda on what your values are or maps to what other people should be doing (unless that map inspires you).

Enjoy the journey, and reach for the destination, even if you never get there.  Or if you like where you are, enjoy that too!

Be who you want to be.  Find *your* bliss or just live out your life — not every life has to waste time worrying about bliss or optimization.  Make your choices your own and don’t be bound by what the patriarchy or society or your parental unit has been telling you all your life unless you want to be.

And of course, “an it hurts no-one, do what you will.”  There’s limits to freedom, even in touchy-feely posts.

RBOC that has been lurking in the draft archive like a swamp zombie

  • Sometimes, in professional settings, it is best to keep the real authentic you to yourself.  Because the real you is crazy.  Authentic can be over-rated.
  • I’ve taken to shutting the door of our home office to keep the baby from destroying my stuff when we’re not in there.  Recently ze stopped by while I was trying to work and dragged me into DC1’s room, made sure I was distracted with DC1, and high-tailed it away without me noticing until I heard the sound of my papers crumpling.  [Wow, said baby is now 3 years old…this must be an old RBOC]
  • We were driving in a city and there was a Crisis Pregnancy Clinic with the tagline “Real Options”.  Next door was a Hanger store.  That seems about right.  I feel like I should have gotten a picture.
  • I learned a moderately expensive lesson– at a conference I went to Sephora with a friend.  My regular sunblock must have expired because I was getting sunburn walking between the conference area and my hotel, so I picked up a very small “travel-friendly” sunblock for $20 instead of dragging said friend to CVS to get the sunblock I use that doesn’t cause me to break out (and then possibly having to toss it at airport security), figuring at that price and “for the face” it would probably be fine.  The sunblock did work at blocking the sun, but also caused enormous break-outs on my face, possibly because in addition to its million other ingredients, there’s a heavy scent to it.   Note to self:  more expensive “face-only” beauty products aren’t necessarily better than mainstream what you get at the drugstore.
  • Speaking of old things lurking, who here has kept a journal?  And who has then gone back and read it later in life?  That’s a baaaaaaad trip.
  • I like cheese.
  • Sorry.
  • There is no #8.

Not *every* blog post can be pure gold… What’s your favorite kind of cheese?

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