We bought a cheap bidet

Dear readers,

I bought a cheap ($35) bidet (all amazon links are affiliate, also the price currently appears to be closer to $40), figuring it was only $35 and it doesn’t require electricity so we don’t have to worry about wiring or having an extension cord go across the water closet.  (Note:  we have an elongated toilet seat– if you have a round one you will need a different model than the one we got.)

Here’s a set of texts from my first use:

… I tried it.

I screamed, but only the first time.  Even though I was the one controlling the setting, it was still a shock.  I turned it off right away and then tried again without screaming.

I… don’t know what to say.

I um feel clean?  Very clean.  Squeaky clean.

This kind only reaches one spot so one would have to do gymnastics to deal with uhhh urine or blood.

I don’t know how to feel about it.

DH also says he does not know how to feel about it.

A few days later, DH decided he does have an opinion.

A bidet is like a small shower.  It is useful for the times when you wish you could get into a shower but don’t want to go through the effort of taking your clothes off.  In those cases, it is the right tool for the job.  Otherwise, it is still like a shower, but it is a very directed shower in a place in which I do not want a shower.

He also noted that except in those rare occasions in which the bidet is the right tool, he uses more toilet paper to dry off than he would wiping.  (I assume this would be less of a problem with the heated air from the $450 model.)

We have very high water pressure in our house.  (This is a problem for our master toilet– we blow through toilet internal parts much faster than we ought to.)  Fortunately the bidet isn’t dangerous until you hit the setting for 3 (it goes up to 4…)  Setting 1 is always gentle. Depending on the time of day and whether someone else is using that water line, you either want 1.5 or 2 on ours.  But there is a really fine line between cleaning and giving yourself an accidental enema.

Sometime in October we finally hit Fall weather.  It turns out the water gets *very* cold once it is no longer summer.  That may argue for one of the more expensive heated models depending on how tough your nether regions are.

While I cannot say anything about the $450 model which is supposed to have a feature that allows you to better er, position things for women’s monthly cycles, I can definitely say that I would not recommend the cheap $35 version for that purpose.  Basically, water gets everywhere.  It is definitely more functional for defecation purposes.

And that is my “we got a cheap bidet” review.  I don’t think we’ll get a $450 model for any of our other bathrooms, but we’re also not going to be uninstalling this one from the master bathroom.

Do any of you have an expensive bidet that you love or hate?  What is your bidet experience?

Who gives a crap toilet paper review

The cupboard in the children’s bathroom now (they were almost out of tp).

Who gives a crap has no idea who we are.

After reading about supply chain shortages, I did some impulse buying late one night.  Because I’m weird, this impulse buying ended up being Bougie toilet paper from an online company.  It turns out that buying toilet paper is a pretty common response to reading articles about supply chain concerns, but most people stock up on their regular brand!  My reasoning was that if we had long-term supply shortages that affected toilet paper, we wouldn’t really know when they would happen and we’d use up the nice toilet paper, but we’d keep bad quality toilet paper around without using it until we had to.  (And indeed, there is still some very bad quality pandemic toilet paper in the guest bathroom.)

I did read a lot of reviews about Who Gives a Crap online, but most of them were sponsored and spent 3/4 of the review talking about how terrible toilet paper is for the environment and how recycled toilet paper is better.  There was maybe a single line talking about the toilet paper itself.  (Usually, “it’s ok, but don’t expect Cottonelle.”)  Then some gushing about how cute the wrapping paper is.

If you really want to help the environment, call your elected officials and lobby them to encourage regulation on companies.  Contact companies and tell them to do better.  Buying things to help the environment is usually not going to have that big an impact, especially compared to legislative change.  That said, if you really do want to help reduce turning old growth forests into tp sewage through your own actions, then get a bidet so that you use even less to and if you want to go hardcore, use family cloth instead of tp.

The wrapping paper is cute.  It is true.

Colorful wrappings on the recycled paper toilet paper

It would probably be even cuter if it didn’t have the “who gives a crap” decal printed on the center.

So… reviewing.  After hearing people say that it was worse than 7th generation recycled, we were pleasantly surprised to find that we didn’t think the recycled paper (not an affiliate link) was worse than 7th generation.  I would even argue it’s a little bit better than 7th generation.  It’s definitely rough, but it’s also triple ply, not double ply like 7th generation which makes it a bit sturdier.  If you get it wet enough (say with a big sneeze because you haven’t taken Zyrtec yet), it does tear, but it doesn’t tear with normal wiping.  It’s also waaay better than Angel Soft which was our least favorite tp in testing.  I’d say probably on a par with Trader Joe’s brand.  Also of note:  there is no pilling, which is my least favorite aspect of some toilet papers.  Cost at this time is $1/roll (double roll) with free shipping.

Premium bamboo toilet paper comes in sophisticated black and white wrappings.

The bamboo toilet paper (not sponsored) was surprisingly decent.  It’s a tiny bit softer than the regular (but not as soft as Quilted Northern) and sturdier– it does not tear even with the biggest sneezes.  Again, there’s no pilling, which is good.  I wouldn’t swap out this tp for a soft kleenex, but there are facial tissues out there that this is softer than.  This is $1.08/roll (double roll) at this time.  (If my calculations are correct, this is about 2x the price per sq ft of Quilted Northern Ultra Plush from my local grocery store.)

On the top: the recycled paper. On the bottom: the bamboo paper.

DH said he wouldn’t mind having the bamboo tp on a regular basis so I moved it from the guest bathroom to ours.  We have plenty of the colorfully wrapped bougie recycled tp to use in an emergency.

To the far right on the bottom are Quilted Northern Ultra Plush 4x Mega rolls.

Would I recommend getting this?  No, not unless you really like the outside wrappings or have trouble buying tp at the store.  I don’t know what the environmental aspects of bamboo tp are compared to wood (obviously bamboo is a weed and old growth forests take a long time to be replaced, but in terms of energy and water, I don’t know), but the bamboo tp is reasonably nice– probably better than what you have at work.  If you were to buy from this company for reasons unrelated to the environment I’d spend the extra 8 cents per roll for bamboo.

Again, if the environment is your main concern, a squirt of water is going to be better than any paper.

How do you choose toilet paper?  Have you tried any online brands?