Ask the Grumpies: Update from Finally Facing it

Here’s an update from last week’s ask the grumpies!

FFI says:

I’m appreciating reading folks’ comments!

I’ve done all the paperwork for a home equity loan and am hoping it will be finalized by the end of next week. Our credit score was better than I’d anticipated (our bank takes the middle of the three scores, and ours was a 767, which felt good). We therefore got an interest rate of 5.38% on a loan of $50,000, which was more than we needed, but borrowing the extra amount lowered the interest rate further, and I will simply take the extra and pay it immediately back to the loan against the principle. It’s a ten-year loan, but the loan officer (whom I liked and had a very frank and informative conversation with) calculated that putting the extra money directly back into the loan and then paying just the standard payment would have us paying off the loan in 8 years. And of course paying extra would make that go even faster. And I made sure that there were no closing costs and no prepayment penalty on the home equity loan and that it was for a fixed rate. So prepaying on a regular basis is definitely part of the plan.

I’ve got the budgeting app Honeydue set up and am working on a household budget, and my partner called and got our cable bill reduced by $50/month. It will take a couple of months for us to get a workable budget, I think — figuring out what we currently spend on what and where we want to make changes — but we’ve started on the process. And I’m reading Elizabeth Warren’s All Your Worth.

Also, re: side gigs: I’m starting a 3-week summer gig on Monday, and I just responded to a call for SAT proctors for the coming year. The latter doesn’t pay much, but it’s easy (other than getting up early on a Saturday), and I can send the $$ directly to the equity loan. I’m actually feeling pretty excited about these side gigs, since it’s a way I can directly get more income to pay down the loan. I like the suggestions people made for gamifying this process, and I’m going to play around and find one that works for us.

I hadn’t actually thought about taking that “found” $50 from the cable and automatically adding that to the monthly loan repayment; I was just thinking about its being a good thing in general principle. So perhaps this is where I need to change my thinking around budgeting and paying things off! But I definitely was thinking about continuing to pay the $791 we’re already paying so that we’re making more progress (because the monthly payment the loan will require is in the $500’s). Also, I’ll get a small pay raise that kicks in in September, so that’s some more $$ — not much more, but every little bit counts if I concentrate on making it count.

That all sounds great!

Isn’t it crazy how the cable company was just like, sure, here’s $50/mo? We try to call around about once every two or three years just to ask for discounts.  (If you’re not using Ting or a similar discount service, the cell company is usually pretty eager to give big discounts as well.)

Note that All Your Worth has really great advice for long-term planning and getting your fixed and variable expenses about right.  Her savings number is a lower bound and her spending number is an upper bound.  When you’re in a temporary savings blitz, it’s ok to be way out of whack with increased savings vs. decreased spending.  The key word there is “temporary”–  I do think she’s right that you shouldn’t have to feel deprived long-term if you have the income not to be, but for a short-term blitz so that you can get those fixed expenses down (which is what debt repayment does), a little pain earlier makes for more freedom later.  Dave Ramsey’s “Live like no one else so you can live like no one else” hits that idea hard.

Bankrate has a LOC repayment calculator.  If I did everything right (and assuming it matches the type of loan you have), it looks like you might be able to knock the HELOC out in under 6 years just keeping your current monthly payment of $791/month. A single pre-payment of $50 in the first month knocks off more than a month of payments. Applying all of your cable savings each month in addition to the $791 you were originally paying gets you to a payoff date of 63 months, or 5.25 years. You can play around and see what kinds of benefits your side-gigs add.  Wouldn’t it be amazing if in 2 or 3 years you could call that $841/month plus any raises you get your own income to spend and save as you please?  Even 6 years isn’t so bad compared to the dread you were initially feeling.  This is totally doable!

Exciting!

Have any of  you just called to get a discount?  How did it feel when you paid off a major debt? 

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Ask the Grumpies: Credit Card Debt Question

Finally Facing It asks:

One of my projects for this summer is to finally face squarely our debt situation and deal with it. I’m totally of the stick-my-head-in-the-sand camp when it comes to money, and so is my partner, which is a very bad combination.

A few facts: We owe (big breath!) about $46,000 in credit card debt, some for good reasons and some not. We are a one-income family, plus my partner gets Social Security disability for a variety of health reasons. We own a house with a mortgage. My income is good, and our house is modest, but we live in a very expensive city. We don’t have extravagant tastes or habits, so we’re not adding to our credit card debt, but we haven’t been able to pay it down, and this has been going on for years now. Whenever I seem to be making progress, something like an expensive car repair puts me back to square one. I am contributing to retirement through my job and buying IRAs for my partner, so I have been “paying myself first” in terms of retirement planning.

So clearly my previous approach of “don’t have a plan, just send money to the credit cards whenever we have some extra in the account” has done bupkis, and I carry with me all the time the stress of this debt and the interest we’re paying. Time to do something!

What I’d really like to do is consolidate that debt so that we have one fixed payment per month, and I know what that payment will be, and I know that I’m making progress on paying it off (that is, I have a plan for how much above the minimum I should aim for). I’ve tried moving debt to new credit cards with 0% rate for so many months, but I’m still not making progress.

It seems to me that my options are as follows:

•Refinance our mortgage and take out enough cash to pay off the debt.
•Take out a home loan or a personal loan from the bank.
•Take out a loan from something like Lending Club or Prosper (but I don’t really know anything about these).  [ed.  Do not do this]
•Take out a loan from a company that specializes in credit card consolidation (but again I don’t know anything about these). [ed.  Definitely do not do this]

Advice on any of these options, or do you have another option to recommend? I absolutely appreciate any and all advice you have to give! (And I did read through your archives on debt and have requested from the library a couple of the books you recommend. I know that one of the things I need to deal with is my emotions and mostly fear around money.)

If I can get all of our consumer debt into one place with a fixed payment and a lower interest rate, I know that the next steps are to make a budget and stick with it. I should have done all of this years ago, I know; I’ve just been so overwhelmed by the debt that I couldn’t face any of it. But I’m trying to be brave now.

Standard disclaimer:  We are not professional anything other than academics.  Discuss with a true professional and/or do your own research before making any life-altering decisions.

I then asked for some numbers.  Zie sent me a very pretty spreadsheet:

Credit card/debtor Interest rate Debt size Totals Current min. payments
Visa1 16.10% 8,134 193
Visa2 16.99% 18,602 420
Visa3 0%* 17,610 178
Total debt 44,346 $791/month

*0% until 2/1/19, 16.40% after that

Credit score = 749 with FICO

Mortgage Interest rate current:  4.375%
Potential refinance rate ??.  Refinance rates look higher than that right now

Zie sent me a picture of personal bank loans from hir local bank– the lowest rate was 8.85% APY for a 3 year loan, which seems like a non-starter given that HELOC loans look to be under 5% for a 10 year loan.

FFI says:

The generic rate I’m seeing online is 4.89% for a 10-year loan for $50,000. I put those numbers into a loan payment calculator and came up with a $528/month payment, which is already less than we’re paying in minimum payments to our credit cards, so I could pay extra each month.

Ok, there’s a lot going on here!  And if we were MMM, we would also ask for a full accounting of income and every single budget item.  And I am going to recommend that FFI sit down and figure all of that out as well, but I also don’t want to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.  Focusing on one part of finances is better than getting overwhelmed and doing nothing, and debt repayment is a great first place to start.

Before I get into anything else, Step 1 is always the same.  Figure out what all of your recurring providers are (internet, insurance, cell phone, etc.) and give them a call tomorrow and ask if they have any discounts available.  FFI has a great credit score and providers are often willing to give good customers something for just asking.  Do this also with the two Visas in the 16% range (especially Visa2– you should not be using that card unless they substantially lower their APY for you).  See if you can get them to drop their rates while you’re figuring things out.  Every penny you’re not giving them in interest can be applied to principal.  It may seem like $50 here or there isn’t a ton, but it’s actually $50 PLUS all the interest you’re not paying on that $50 in the future.  It adds up.

With that out of the way:

With money, as you note, there are always two systems.  There’s the rational money system — what you should do if you’re homo economicus rationalus, and there’s the emotional system.  The emotional aspect of money is different for everyone even if the numbers just based on money are the same.  So definitely read the excellent introduction to Suze Orman’s otherwise terrible book about how to deal with the emotional aspects debt.  She gets emotions.  I don’t know how to help you sort through your emotions with money… for me, whenever I feel helpless and sick to my stomach I go into overdrive to fix things (this is why I’ve been doing so much political activism lately), but it is far more normal to try to ignore things when they get overwhelming (this is true!  there’s research!).  So it’s great that you’ve taken the first step and actually looked at things and realized that you can handle this.  The only question is going to be how quickly you can get that $791/month back in your pocket, and that’s going to take some sacrifice and some self-knowledge.

If you had no emotions, you would consolidate all of your debt into a HELOC sometime before February.  You would make those phone calls today and put every penny saved directly to debt.  You would go through and see what in your budget could be cut for the duration and you would send that money directly to your debt.  You might go through your house and see if there’s anything you could sell, and you might pick up a little bit of freelance work.  You might even save mental resources by doing a temporary spending ban of one kind or another (why does this save mental resources?  Because the answer is always, “no.”).  You would put on hold the IRA contributions and all job-based retirement contributions except for what is needed for an employer match (because a 5% sure investment in debt repayment is better than a ~5-7% risky investment in the stock market).

But we are human and we have emotions.  So you’re going to need to think about what motivates you, what demotivates you, and what causes the most and least amount of pain.

Consolidate or not?

First off, if you think there’s any chance that you’re going to put that money in a HELOC and end up with another 46K in CC debt at 16% interest a few years from now, do not do the HELOC.  That may seem crazy, but that’s what happens to either a slight majority or a substantial minority of people (I can’t remember which) who consolidate high interest credit card debt. Since you haven’t been adding to your debt, you’re probably not in that population (though we can think of former bloggers who look at their credit limits as the answer to the question of how much they should spend). If you believe you are likely to just get into more debt, then cut up or literally freeze (in a block of ice) your credit cards now.  Similarly, a person in that situation could still consolidate to a HELOC, but as soon as the debt is transferred, should immediately cancel all but one or two of hir CC and call the remaining CC companies to limit their credit to just what could conceivably be needed for emergencies.  Again, it doesn’t sound like that’s you, but it is something to keep in mind.

Should you consolidate?  That question also has mechanical and emotional parts.  Mechanically, the answer is of course you should.  Emotionally, people seem to have an easier time killing off debt when it’s a several debts rather than one big debt.  That’s true if they use Dave Ramsey’s snowball method of killing the smallest debt first or the mathematically “highest interest rate first” strategy.  The motivational benefit isn’t unlimited though– large differences in interest rates will swamp the motivational benefit from cutting up the debts.  And I think 11% is a pretty large difference in interest rates– would being able to debt snowball or highest interest rate first make a difference of ~5K/year (46Kx0.11)?  Probably not.  One thing I would suggest is keeping your mortgage separate from the HELOC and to kill off that HELOC rather than putting them together and adding years to your mortgage.  Alternatively, you could find some more 0% interest transfers and kill off those debts one at a time, but I get the sense you’re tired of doing that, and it’s not like 0% interest transfers are free or last very long.  Cutting consumption and paying interest now will have big dividends in the future if you don’t just push it off to your future self.

Note that you may not be able to get a HELOC approved if it pushes you under 20% equity, or if it is approved the interest rates may be higher.  So keep that in mind when deciding how much to consolidate.

Ok, so so far it looks like we’re recommending consolidating your debt to a HELOC, assuming you can get one under 5%.  (You will probably still want to do this if it’s under say, 8%, but with more fire under you to pay it off ASAP.  More than that and you’re going to have to look harder at transaction costs and how much it would cost to do more 0% balance transfers etc.)  If you find you can’t get approved for a HELOC, or it takes time to get a HELOC, don’t give up hope.  You can still get that debt down.

Don’t wait for the consolidation to go through to start finding more money to throw at the debt.

As you’re reading the various books on how to pay debt, you’ll want to be thinking about your money as a whole. I can tell you, not having to deal with a 16% interest rate drag is really freeing– all that money going to debt servicing can be used for goods, services, savings, etc. later and without any guilt. But to get there, you may need to make more temporary sacrifices than feels comfortable. You will want to look deeper into your budget and see if there are big or small changes that can get you closer to debt freedom. (If refinancing/HELOC were closer to 2 or 3 percent, I wouldn’t be pushing this, but 5% is still a drag on finances and it would be nice to just not have that.) Don’t just think in terms of monthly payments, but also in terms of how much you’re losing each month from debt (unless you find that really demotivating) and how much you save by paying it off.

An update from FFI:

We are looking into budgeting apps tomorrow so that we can figure out what we spend each month. One of the things that keeps me from paying more than the minimum is that I tend to keep hefty cash reserves because I never know what else we’re going to need to pay out during the month, which is one reason that I’m always in a panic. So we’re going to lay out all of our fixed and variable expenses. And I’m totally going to adopt your blogged strategy of an “allowance” for each of us each month. And I may, at least temporarily, adopt an envelopes-of-cash system for things like groceries and our allowances for each month.

Great!  Get that monthly spending predictable.  There are a lot of ways to do this.  I’m lazy so I use MINT, but MINT sometimes screws up, so it works better as a back-up.  While you’re just starting and while you’re in debt repayment mode, you will probably want to write down everything as you spend it (this will also cause to you to think twice about spending on luxuries, much like writing down what you eat increases your broccoli consumption while decreasing your donut consumption) or do a cash-only system like the one you are suggesting.  If you do cash-only without a full month’s audit of what you spent the previous month, you will probably end up a bit short because you forgot some expenses– don’t let this discourage you.  Think of the first couple months as practice.  You’ll also probably forget a couple annual expenses that will come as surprises.  Don’t beat yourself up too much when that happens, but make a note for your budgeting for next year.  Here’s our omnibus budgeting post.

Once you know what you’re spending on, you’ll better be able to look at what you’ve been spending on and get your future spending to align with your values.  You may see some things that are obvious– maybe you didn’t realize you were spending so much on lattes, to use the stereotypical David Bach example.  It probably won’t be lattes, but just getting the numbers may be enlightening.  If you don’t find easy places to cut, think in terms of what will hurt less.  Or let your future self figure it out on the fly with the allowance or cash-envelope.

It sounds like just throwing extra money at the debt hasn’t been working, and you’re right that making debt repayment a regular extra bill (and smoothing out your spending) is probably what will work for you.  While you’re feeling energetic about fixing your finances this summer, you will probably want to also throw extra money here and there at the debt– the earlier you pay off principal, the less you will be paying in interest in the long term.  Some people get additional motivation from doing things like sticker charts (but without the stickers), or other ways to gamify the shrinking of the debt by celebrating each additional payoff.

Where do you get that extra money?

You mentioned overlarge cash reserves.  Rationally, when you have debt at 16%, you should not have an emergency fund to cover anything you can put on a credit card.  That money should go to pay the debt and new debt should be incurred in the event of an emergency.  Emotionally, however, having an emergency fund can keep people from opening the credit card floodgates.  One of the things you will want to examine is the size of your emergency fund.  When you’re in debt-repayment mode, you probably want to keep this somewhat lower.  Enough to say, handle a two week late paycheck or late travel reimbursement, or whatever is something you would not be wanting to grab your credit card to pay.  After you’ve figured out your standard expenses and a way not to go over except in cases of true emergencies, you may want to re-direct some of these cash reserves to debt repayment.  (Refill the cash reserves after you dip below your specified amount.)   If you consolidate to a HELOC, that may be the point at which you no longer want to take the CC out for emergencies, in which case keep those cash reserves higher.  Do what is best for your psyche even if it isn’t mathematically optimal.

Sidenote:  After the debt is gone, you will want more cash reserves because you won’t want to put emergencies on credit card anymore.  You’ll want this to be your last revolving CC debt if possible.  While you’re paying debt off, you’re trading off savings account interest for higher debt interest.  When debt is done, you’re trading off savings account interest for spending or uncertain investment returns, so keeping cash reserves makes more rational sense than it does when the alternative is paying off debt.

Retirement is another potential place to get money, but for your situation we do not recommend it.  We agree with you that it’s better for you to keep investing in retirement for the duration.  Mathematically it doesn’t make sense to keep investing for retirement (above the match) while carrying high interest debt.  But in reality, getting out of the habit of saving for retirement and then getting back into saving for retirement sometimes means that you don’t get back into saving for retirement right away.  If you were unable to reduce the debt from 16% to 5%, I might recommend you put all retirement saving other than what it takes to get an employer match on hold.  If you were at 25% or more interest rates, I would definitely recommend it.  Conversely, if your debt were all below 5% then I would say to definitely keep investing in retirement.  With the information you’ve given me, I’d say keep doing what you’re doing with retirement unless you can’t get that HELOC.

If your math suggests you’re going to be paying off for the long-haul, another trick is to put any and all raise or bonus money directly towards debt.  You’re unlikely to miss it (at least until grocery prices start going up…).

When you’re in debt repayment mode, there are also things you can do temporarily that we mentioned tongue-in-cheek earlier.  These are gimmicks that nevertheless help people (especially if you blog about it as a challenge!)  These all come under the header of “spend less” or “make more.”  Temporary no-spending or “compact” (where you buy only used) challenges can be fun and enlightening, especially when they’re voluntary.  No-spending days are pretty useless, but no-spending (or compact) months (or quarters or semesters or years) can help you figure out what you really value, what was just a habit (now broken) and how you can get creative about reducing consumption.  If you’re at all LA, you can think of it as a spending cleanse.  I also love reading about them on people’s blogs (when they’re actual no spending challenges and not ones with so many exceptions that they end up buying more luxuries than we do– those frustrate me).   Selling used designer clothing on Poshmark is “in” on a lot of the blogs we’re reading about now, and craigslist and ebay sales are also popular.  Even just a garage sale could generate a couple hundred dollars to throw at debt.  (I wouldn’t do this kind of thing regularly, but if you’re jump-starting a massive debt-repayment, why not?)  If you have marketable skills, you can try picking up some freelancing or contract work in those areas and dedicate that money towards debt repayment (minus estimated taxes).  Dave Ramsey recommends any kind of side hustle, like delivering pizzas or waitressing, but we’re not going to suggest going that direction unless it’s something you enjoy or that helps your main career (if you had bad credit and couldn’t get those interest rates down, we’d be pushing side hustles harder, but you’re going to be ok, you just want to get rid of that almost $800 drain on your finances each month).

Final words of encouragement!

This is definitely doable!  Every dollar you use to pay off the debt principal is money is freeing up money you would have wasted on interest.  The sooner you pay it off, the sooner you will have more money to spend (or save) completely guilt-free.  When my DH came into our marriage with unsubsidized high interest student-loan debt, I would look at how much money we would be losing on debt servicing (unsubsidized loans keep growing in graduate school even if you don’t pay them off!) and it motivated me to get rid of it.  I wanted that money back!  You too can get that money back!  It may take some temporary sacrifice, but it will be so nice when that drain is gone.  And the great thing about debt is that the more you pay, the easier it is to pay the rest because you’re no longer servicing the entire amount of the debt, only a fraction.  The more you pay off, the less interest you pay, the more money you have to pay off more debt.  It’s completely unlike food diets.  You can do this!

Do you have words of advice or encouragement for FFI?  Do you love a good debt repayment story?

Ask the grumpies: long term thinking and a mushy brain

Mushy brain asks:

I am a social science PhD who has been out for 10 years now.  I was on the tenure track and am now off it and location-locked in a big city, and unlikely to go back on the tenure track.  I’m currently on the first year of a 3 year contract in a soft-money research-only position.  This job is a mix of research and administration, without a lot of room for publications for me on the current project for the next year as we’re in the start up phase.  I currently have no papers under review and nothing in my pipeline other than this project that has just begun, which is an unusual situation for me.

I’m trying to think about some slightly bigger thoughts than just my current job on the current project.  My boss is supportive of my thinking long-term and thinking about what will come next after this grant.  Also, in a few weeks there may start to be time to work on more variety of things while the data roll in (over 14 months).

But all the ideas I think of sound hard and, while some seem very cool and interesting, they mostly require other people’s help.  I don’t know if I should pursue them.  Also I have other ideas that seem more doable but less interesting.

I suspect I would be kind of a sucky co-author this year, and motivation is very hard.  I currently don’t have any co-authors on anything I’m working on.  The question is whether I should start something and if so, what.  I sort of want to, but I’m not sure I’m able to be a great co-author right now.

Am trying to overcome the thing where my brain feels super mushy all the time.  Mush mush mush.  I wonder if there is a medication for mushy brains.

I dunno.  Do you have wise thoughts?  I would like to keep publishing more papers, but I don’t know how long it’ll be until I feel more capable of focusing on things.

Dear Mushy,

Whether or not you should start new projects is a question only you can answer.  Logically it makes little sense for many academics to work as hard as we do.  Once tenure has been gotten or the tenure-track has been side-stepped, what are the rewards, other than fame, knowing the answers to interesting questions, and an internal sense of well-being?  These are things only you can decide whether or not to care about.

We would encourage you to think about what your end goals are.  Are there interesting questions that you want to know the answers to?  Will more publications help you get your next grant or your next job?  Are there specific people you miss working with?  Does your cv feel neglected?  What is it that is driving this sense of unease?  Once you figure that out you’ll be better able to do a cost-benefit analysis and maybe find some motivation.

As to mushy brain, one of us finds that vit D helps her (her husband needs B-complex).  A friend needs the appropriate levels of thyroid medication.  Sleep is also incredibly important.  Caffeine, chocolate, etc.  If this isn’t a new thing, then perhaps you could get screened for adult ADHD.  Outside of physiological reasons that a doctor can test with some bloodwork, questionnaires, or maybe a sleep study, we don’t really know.  I mean, some people use prescription drugs for conditions like ADHD off-label, but we can’t recommend that in good conscience unless and until those drugs are on-label or your doctor recommends them.

Perhaps our grumpy readership has better suggestions?  Help?

Ask the grumpies: scar, mole, or tattoo?

Leah asks:

Scar, mole, or tattoo?  Any cool stories surrounding those?

#1 has a lot of scars (mostly on my hands) and a lot of moles and no tattoos.  I keep meaning to write up a thing about why I will never have a tattoo or get my ears pierced or really do any sort of body ornamentation.  I suspect in another society it would be considered a psychological disorder.  Fortunately in this society nobody notices the absence.

I don’t know that I have any cool stories.  My moles were merely one of the reasons I was teased as a child.  One scar is from dropping a brick on my finger at swimming (we had to bring bricks up off the pool floor).  Another scar is from breaking a glass with my wrist when play-wrestling one of my college almost-boyfriends (I think he found me smart, physically attractive, but annoying).  My largest scar is from when I got a linoleum carving set for Christmas and the carver slipped and cut my left palm open from edge to edge.  I probably should have gotten stitches, but my grandma was a nurse and just bandaged it up.  I think could see my tendons.  I almost passed out–maybe I did.  I still used the set later and made some pretty nice Christmas and Birthday cards, just with heavy duty gloves.  I have a lot of memories from childhood that probably should have been traumatic but I was very good at dissociating.

#2:  I have no cool stories. Sorry.

 

Ask the grumpies: If you could travel anywhere without any hassle, where would you go and why?

Solitary Diner asks:

If you could travel anywhere and not have to deal with practical considerations (cost, vacation time, hassle of actually getting there), where would you choose to go and why? You can choose to do an adults-only vacation or a kids involved vacation (or one of each if you’re feeling really inspired to write).

#1:

  • Back to Italy! Alllll the Italy. I haven’t finished eating every foodstuff they make there yet. There are more things to see. It’s beautiful!
  • Wales. Lovely countryside, history, Hay-on-Wye.
  • Probably some other places. There are other places I would like to visit or re-visit, both abroad and closer to home. Being able to teleport there would be a plus.  [Ed:  except for that whole teleportation as murder thing]

#2:  I still have not been to Italy and I would very much like to go on an eating tour there.  Just not enough to deal with the practical considerations of doing so yet.  Watching Solitary Diner’s recent travelogues, I’m also considering the benefits of just popping over to France to eat.  Really I just like to eat amazing food.  DH is considering a trip to Seattle/Portland for our 20th anniversary because we’ve never been to the Pacific Northwest.

Ask the grumpies: What music did you enjoy in high school

Leah asks:

In high school, what music did you enjoy?

I can answer this one for #2 too since she traumatized me with the NIN cd by letting me know she played it whenever she was feeling sexually frustrated.   On the other hand, she’s also responsible for my love of They Might Be Giants, which is a good thing.  And we both loved the spectacular girl bands of the time, with a special love for Salt n Pepa.

More seriously, like most kids growing up in the 1990s we were really into alternative.  #1 also really liked heavy metal because of an ex-boyfriend and musicals because she grew up with them and monty python from another ex-boyfriend, and opera from growing up, especially from the Romantic period.  Also classical music from the Romantic period more generally.

Most of #1’s music likes come from other people, either a roommate or an ex-boyfriend.  Seriously, I honestly disliked 70s music until I got a crush on a guy who loved it in college.  (He ended up dating one of my friends who shared his love from her own interests rather than his transferred interests.  He’s also the guy whose glass I accidentally broke with my wrist.)

Ugh, now I have the worst song from Pretty Hate Machine stuck in my head.  Why?  Why?  And it keeps interlacing with Wonderwall which one of my other high school roommates would play on repeat until I had no choice but to hate it.  All we need now is the base from Under the Bridge by RHCP which the upstairs people would blast every morning at some UNGODLY hour and we’ll have all my least favorite high school music associations combined.  Oh, except the next door neighbors one year who would crank up the base at like 6am on Saturday and Sunday mornings with their boombox next to our beds so the beds would shake us awake, but it wasn’t the same stuff each time.  We were the ones who got in trouble for retaliating when they didn’t stop after we’d asked them to politely multiple times (I believe we left a note under their door saying something to the effect of, “Jesus wouldn’t play His boombox so loud that it made his neighbors’ beds shake a 7am on a Sunday after repeatedly being asked not to”).  I hate fake Christians who are too selfish to be considerate of others’ sleep needs.  /end rant from being 17 years old  Man, I did not need that memory.  I’m *still* angry about it!  I bet she voted for Trump.

Here’s #2’s actual answer:

Music I liked in hs that I still like now:
Pretty Hate Machine by NIN
U2
music from the Renaissance era
Baroque music
Salt-n-Pepa
some Madonna
musical theater

Music from hs that I now can’t stand:
most of Red Hot Chili Peppers
Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden
I was actually going to mention a whole album here that used to plague me, but to my delight, I have totally forgotten what it was. (#1 suspects it was wonderwall) (it actually wasn’t)

Ask the readers: How do I get more patience (at work)?

#1 asks:

How do I become more patient?  I can think of good reasons to be more patient (e.g., “this is just their policy for their business, it’s not personal against you, you know.” and “this isn’t that big of a deal, you can let it go” and “fuming doesn’t help anything and being calm might get better results” and even “bless their hearts, they can’t help being stupid, poor things”) but NONE OF THEM WORK.

I am all out of patience for [BS] and I’d like to buy some more, please.  How?

#2:  I don’t think you should do illicit drugs.  And you’ve tried CBT, so probably not that.  And having kids is probably also a non-starter.  Have you considered distracting yourself with novels?

#1:  It’s kind of hard to do when my boss is in the same office with me

#2:  I guess you have to distract yourself with other work then.