Ask the grumpies: What to tell a non-mom friend who says you need mom friends

Rented life:

What to tell a non mom friend when she says you need to find mom friends. (I expressed being lonely, never mentioned my kid). I don’t want mom friends. I don’t like most other people’s kids and good lord I don’t want to talk about kids.

Crucial Conversations recommends thinking about the best story behind her actions.  Probably she’s just trying to make polite conversation.  But maybe she’s concerned for your welfare.  CC also recommends thinking about what your end goal is– what is your ultimate objective from this conversation?  Do you want her to know you better, do you want her to stop making this recommendation, do you want to spend less time with her?

What to say also depends on your relationship with said non-mom friend and what you want to get out of this interaction.  If it’s a close friend, then you can ask why and then say what you said here.  If it’s not a close friend, then is this someone you want to be polite to or someone you’d prefer to alienate?  Do you think she’ll keep saying things like this if you don’t stop her or do you think it’s a one-time delio?

If polite and one-time, then smiling and nodding is always good.  Saying something non-committal and changing the subject works well.

If you want her to stop, then just tell her that you’re happy with your current social life.

If you want to be really alienating then ask her if that’s a dig at you and is that her way of saying she doesn’t want to spend time with you, thanks a lot.

#2 says: #1 is much better at this than I am.  I would respond with “Why?”  possibly followed by “Boy, you’re rude, aren’t you?  If you don’t want to be friends, we don’t have to.”  #1 hopes that isn’t the case– it isn’t necessarily rude when someone is complaining about being lonely to suggest solutions.  Kids really can be a hindrance to spending time with friends (that whole demanding attention + people call CPS if you leave them by themselves thing), but can help with spending time with people who have kids about the same age (since the kids entertain each other and leave the adults to socialize– and not all parents are stuck on birth stories and poo!), meaning you don’t need a baby sitter to get adult interaction.  So it’s not a completely off-the-wall suggestion.

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