The Wedding Report

While #2 is off gallivanting in Europe, I thought I’d sneak in a report on her special day.

The eyes!  The dress!  The hat!  The boots!  The socks!  The big glittery jewelry!

Spending the day with #2’s family is sort of like being in a 1939 comedy.  Zing zing zing!

And the snappy dialogue wasn’t the only thing out of the beginning of last century.  In addition to the top-hat fascinator and dangly curls, #2 had the most gorgeous dark purple dress, complete with fancy lace-up back that took three of us to get set to rights.  Her eyes were the kind of smoldering smokey purple one expects out of the vamp in an early Agatha Christie novel or perhaps a mysterious lady from an early noir (not the ingenue!), complete with eye-lashes out to there.  Enormous costume jewelry– two substantial necklaces with huge flat stones layered one above the other from neckline to cleavage.  Big red steampunk boots with bright turquoise socks peaking out above (not that anybody other than the bridesmaids and mother of the bride got to see the something blue).  Everything was outrageous and classy at the same time.

We processed in to the Muppet song.  We started when it was time to get things started.  (As we had not been informed of the processional music in advance, the wedding planner had to shush the wedding party’s giggles so as not to distract!)

The couple had a lovely non-denominational ceremony.  There was an especially nice part where they honored family, including two elderly grandmothers who couldn’t be there (one of them being 99!).  They honored each other and exchanged sweet and funny personal vows.  The officiant was also pretty fun.

We processed out to the imperial march.  There had been some discussion into swapping that out with Everything is Awesome (when you’re part of a team), but the classics are classics for a reason.

They served FOOD right after with hors d’oeuvres trays while the family pictures were being taken.

We chatted with folks we hadn’t seen in ages.  We met new people.  Everyone was all very nice and nice people from high school married nice people.  It was just lovely all around.

Then there was sword fighting.  #2’s fencing instructor challenged #2’s new husband for a dance, but I think that #2’s new husband was defeated (it was a little hard to hear).  Then #2 took the sword herself and soundly trounced a groveling fencing instructor to the delight of the seated audience.

We were served delicious food.  My favorite was the mushroom ravioli in a creamy pesto, but everything was wonderful.  And mashed potato bars are fun.

There was dancing (and the DJ too loud as they usually are, BUT instead of everybody having to congregate in the parking lot to talk as they have at other weddings I’ve been to, there was a lovely patio for people with delicate ears or who wanted to be able to carry on a conversation).

The wedding cake was carrot cake.  Enough said.  The bride and groom’s champagne glasses were from high school prom.

I love weddings so much.  I love family and friends getting together to celebrate a union.  #2 and her husband are surrounded by loving wonderful friends and family.  It’s no wonder #2 has been having all the feels, surrounded as she is by so much affection and fun.

The best weddings we’ve been to have been expressions of the couples as people and as couples.  The worst ones we’ve been to have forgotten that and have focused on stress and posturing (also: see lack of food after the ceremony).  #2’s wedding was the best we’ve been to (in spite of the DJ), and we’ve been to some pretty fantastic weddings.  This wedding was unapologetically who #2 and #2’s husband are as people.  The outfits, the music, the ceremony, the vows, the swordplay, the vegetarian meal… the only thing missing was horses.  (They even had books as centerpieces.  And magic cards were mentioned in the ceremony, if not actually present.)

When I came home and washed the professional make-up off, I realized I was missing half an eyebrow (the make-up lady asked if she could shape them, but I didn’t realize the left one was quite so offensive!).  And I had to ask my sister how to remove false eyelashes (find the corner and peel).  But it was worth it.


Imagine this little fascinator as a tiny black top-hat at a jaunty angle atop shoulder length curls.

(I dunno, what did you think, #2’s sister?)

What should we do for #1’s two-week Honeymoon Hiatus?

#1:  I think we should put the blog on hiatus during my honeymoon.  (Because our backlog runs out and we’re both crazy busy right now and it won’t get any better for either of us until after I get back.)

#2:  It’s kind of a bad time for hiatus though because people are usually around and checking their computers and not on vacation.  I was thinking maybe we could solicit guest posts for your honeymoon duration instead of going on hiatus.  Or we could post pictures of what you’re eating, as an art experiment.

#1:  You won’t get those [pictures] very often, is my guess.

#2:  You probably shouldn’t be thinking about the blog while on vacation anyway.  Even if doing so means you get to tell the world, “Haha, look what I’m getting to eat and you’re not.”  I mean, sharing the joys of the Italian culinary experience.

#1:  Heh, we have to figure out how to send you photos from the phone.

#2:  Or ipad?

#1:  We’re not bringing the ipad to dinner, just leaving it in the room

#2:  Ah, pretending you’re not obnoxious American tourists, good call.

#1:  No, it’s just annoying is all.  The phone goes in the pocket.

#2:  Obviously you need bigger pockets!

#1:  Nah.

So, what do you think we should do, blogosphere?  Hiatus?  Food photos?  Guest posts?  Something else? This will happen sometime around the first couple weeks of October, give or take.

Bridesmaid shoes, conferences, and patriarchy

#2 has decided on bridesmaid dresses that have a bit of an Ancient Greek thing going.  There’s probably a lot of that going on in weddings across the country this year given their popularity at David’s Bridal.

While listening to a somewhat dull talk at a recent conference, I noticed these sandals (in black, not tan) on the conference-goer beside me.  They look much better in person than they do on the website.  And they have just that hint of an Ancient Greek thing going on.

“Where did you get those?  They are perfect!” I whispered.

“Teva,” she whispered back.

“NO WAY!” I said quietly, causing the gentleman on my other side to give me a raised eyebrow.  (He then teased me for shoe-shopping during a talk as I looked up the name of the shoe and emailed #2 to make sure the sandal was approved before purchasing.  A few minutes later I suggested that perhaps that email he was writing was not about how exciting the talk was.  It wasn’t.)

The next day as I told my former seat-mate that I’d purchased her shoes for the wedding, the woman she’d been talking to looked down and said they were awesome shoes and she wanted them too.  Where did she get them?



After we had a brief discussion of their comfort and elegance, she wrote down the exact name of the shoe for later purchase.

As I related this conversation to DH, my oldest asked why these shoes being Tevas had produced such surprise.

Well, I explained, the patriarchy makes it difficult for women to wear the same kinds of shoes as men without facing social disapprobation.  With women’s shoes, usually shoes are either comfortable or they’re fashionable but not both.  Teva is a brand that is known for being extremely comfortable, but not something you can wear to work or a wedding.  They mostly make hiking sandals.

With women’s shoes, the holy grail is elegant shoes that don’t hurt a person’s feet.  When such an impossibility occurs, it naturally elicits surprise and happiness.

It shouldn’t be that way.  Men and women should both have shoes that are comfortable and attractive.  They should be able to wear the same kinds of shoes.  But society says no.  And society suggests that when it comes to formal or professional wear, only women’s shoes should come in styles that damage a person’s feet.  Stupid patriarchy.

In which we are not hired as writers of small talk

#1:  here is a note to the universe: don’t ask me how wedding planning is coming. I realize you’re trying to make small talk, but it’s boring to me and it’s even my own wedding. Also? Not a lot has happened since we last had this conversation 2-3 weeks ago. Meh.

#2:  oh, I forgot to ask
how is your wedding planning coming?

#1:  rrrr

#2:  (except I know– you have a venue and you have a date to look for dresses)

#1:  rrrrrright

#2:  If things were going poorly, I’m sure you could use the question as an excuse to vent. so the fact that you find such questions dull is a good thing!

Maybe you could respond that wedding planning is dull, but do you know how big a toddler’s poop can get? (as big as an adult’s, according to [redacted] and my own recent personal experience with toddler poop)

#1: hahahah
I can talk about horse poop….

#2:  I bet horse poop is more interesting than toddler poop
but not as interesting as owl poop
owl poop is the best
well, owl pellets are the best

#1:  yes, that is owl barf

#2:  which is sort of like poop
but you know, different

#1:  owl barf is fascinating

#2:  it serves a similar purpose to poop without actually being poop

#1:  “ugghhh, I ate too much bones.”

#2:  but the actual response is probably, “It’s going fine. Nothing exciting happening, which is a good thing. How’s that toddler of yours?”
“Any interesting poops lately?”
“I hear that toddler poo is just fascinating.”
“mmm hmm.”
“Is that so?”

#1:  have you ever compared toddler poop and horse poop? how do you feel about owls? we should be hired as small talk writers
Here’s my answer: the toddler grows up, and the horse needs its poop picked up for life

#2:  horse poop probably smells better

#1:  quite possibly. They’re all vegetarians.

#2:  do vegetarians have better smelling poop?

#1:  I’m not sure. But at least you can get used to the smell of horses — they eat only a few things, all horses all the time, eat the same few things.

What are your deep thoughts on poop?  (Also, I know I should have put a poo-related pun there instead of “deep”… any suggestions?  pressing thoughts?)