Gun-Humping Theater

My MIL (who works in a public elementary school) called to tell us about the training they’re receiving in her school district about what to do when there’s an armed gunman inside the school.

What she told me is deeply, deeply disturbing and destabilizing.  Just look at what this link is called:

(this link isn’t about the place she lives or her school system, but it’s very similar to their program, and it was the best example I could find.)

Imagine being a kid in a Florida school and knowing there is a white man (at least in her school it’s a white dude) in your school whose actual job is to shoot people. MIL got trained on where to stash her kids in her classroom so that the fewest of them would die, and what color piece of paper she should slide under the classroom door to let someone know that her kids were dying. She’s having a really hard time with this, AS SHE SHOULD.

Also she works in special ed and her kids are totally incapable of following the drill procedures (which can’t be done from a wheelchair). It is the WORST. It is TERRIFYING. It is crazy-making.

Seeing the inside of the training the adults get is INSANE. There is no way for people to do these procedures:
in case of active shooter, don’t call 911. Put this guy’s cell number in your phone and call him.

She has different places to put her (multiply-disabled) kids depending on what kind of gun the shooter has. WHAT KIND OF GUN!

She works with disabled elementary school students. And the message she got was to be fkcng terrified the whole time she’s at work, and also she needs to identify what kind of gun is shooting at her kids as she piles furniture in front of her door.
Also she feels crazy… Because it is DESIGNED to make her feel crazy.

Her co-workers are like “It’s great, we’ll be so safe, this one guy will take care of us.”
(…unless he’s in the bathroom or something.)
The world is scary but we’ll be safe because we have GOOD GUYS WITH GUNS

There’s no way That’ll go wrong.
There’s no way their EXTENSIVE training (see link above) would let them make a mistake and open fire on, say, a Sikh parent in a turban picking up his kid at a crowded school.
Yeah it’ll be fine
She’s so upset and she can’t tell if she’s crazy or not.
I told her, NOT.

She said she’s the only one upset by it. It’s really really bad. Everyone else on the staff thinks the school’s designated shooter guy is just the greatest position to have.

She’s angry that the government is taking money from public schools to fund these positions (which don’t even get paid that much, considering their job is to shoot guns in an elementary school).

This attack of rage has been brought to you by our trashfire of a country, by the letter T, and by a high level of humidity. Down with humidity, down with pants. Smash the patriarchy. Can’t happen soon enough.

Grumpeteers, who’s got some rageterror to share?

I hate dogs

That’s not even really true.  I hate people who own dogs.  It’s not the dogs’ fault.  I feel about dog owners the way Kate feels about fellows…

“I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.”  –August Strindberg

People should not be allowed to have any dogs without a vigorous approval process.    Leash laws should be ENFORCED in my neighborhood, thank you!  When I run over your dog because it’s in the street, that’s your fault.  [no dogs have been run over.]

Every place I live, there is always some stupid idiot dog who barks for 3 – 7 hours IN A ROW on MULTIPLE days.  That is not ok.  One day I will snap and murder someone.

I envision a magnificent future where, every time someone gets a dog from WHATEVER source, the dog EITHER comes surgically debarked, or the new owners have a binding obligation to teach it not to bark.  If they want a watchdog, they must legally commit to teaching the dog NOT to bark unless there is ACTUALLY a burglar… not their next-door neighbors walking around their OWN yard.  If there is any complaint about the dog barking… fines that increase each time, until the barking stops.  The money will be used to fund no-kill shelters.  What, you say surgically de-barking dogs is cruel surgery and makes them more aggressive?  Then you better be ready to deal with the consequences!  Only people who are able to devote the time and energy to training their dogs should be allowed to have them, PERIOD.

If someone wants to train their dog but can’t afford lessons or a class, then my magical program will pay for that.  But if they don’t have TIME to train their dog, the dog gets taken away or surgically silenced.  I think if you don’t have time to train it then you shouldn’t have it, because it won’t be a happy dog, but that’s your lookout.

Animals are fantastic companions, and a well-trained dog is a useful and wonderful addition to the family.  People are complete asshats.

Alternately, who wants to buy me this?  I’m totally serious here, folks.  So serious.