• Sometimes the homemade valentines cards from preschool parents are because at 8pm the night before the parents realized they’d forgotten to buy the damn cards (and the oldest kid already used up last year’s leftover cards which is why you’re out except 3 teacher-size cards and two ripped cards) and why does a toddler need valentine cards anyway?  Update:  Only half the kids sent in cards anyway.
  • This just in:  Fundamentalist churches are tools of the patriarchy bent on separating people from their money, oppressing women, and growing their empires.  Yeah, I know, a big shock to our readers.  But it had to be said.
  • Everything does NOT happen “for a reason”.  People who can think that can’t ever have been the victims of systematic oppression.  Sometimes life just sucks (often because people suck).  Because if everything happens for a reason then that implies that some folks’ real suffering is just background there to help out a more privileged protagonist, and that’s never a good reason.
  • dear senior white male professors, I am not your secretary.  Look it up yourself.
  •  raising a girl is not easier than raising a boy when they are three and raising a boy is not easier than raising a girl when they are teens.  Take your sexist stereotypes based on your n=1 (or more realistically, n=0) and burn them.

Why are you in my major?

#1:  Dear students, YOUR ANSWER MAKES NO SENSE! Love and late drops, Dr. #1.
If you don’ t know the answer, you can at least follow the part of the instructions that says “Use complete sentences”.
#2:  reading is hard
#1:  I guess so

godDAMN people.
word to all you people in lecture who were like “yeah yea we got this”: you don’t got it.
maybe y’all wanna get a little less sleepy in lecture from now on, eh?

…and if I worried that I didn’t change the exam enough for the course repeaters? They’re doing JUST as badly as before. No worries.

#2:  I remember in my one [high school] class the teacher gave the SAME exam complete with same multiple choice questions and same question order etc.
I got 100%…

#1:  yeah, you’d be surprised how many people STILL tank it

#2:  the second time and the THIRD time…
#1:  it’s like they don’t have basic skills to be in college!  </sarcastic voice>
#2:  and yet, the average was still like a C or a D
oh, and it was OPEN NOTES
I just don’t get some people.
why even bother with exams?

#1:  why bother going to college?

if you’re going to get EVERY opportunity to ace the exam and still don’t?

I can understand social/parental pressure I guess, but WHY ARE YOU IN MY MAJOR???
#2:  my students this year who need to come to office hours aren’t.  They may not pass.
#2:  they should, but they’re not putting the time in

#1:  should, but shan’t.  It’s sad when someone takes both my classes at once and can’t pass either

(though again, how did you get to be a senior in this major???)
Also, accidentally, I graded these exams in the school colors!

Students will drive me out of academia, part 2.

I want to write fascinating awesome things with this cool pen. Instead I am stuck answering student emails about why they can’t do their homework on time, have mercy because they have 6 classes, woe is me.  Sigh.

What I said was, you had the assignment for a long time and you have known the schedule all semester. If you waited to the last day to do it, oh well.  [not in those words]

Do your 6 classes not give syllabi with due dates, allowing you to plan ahead? Oh, they do? Well shucks then, I guess you’re just not keeping up.
In general…
my student is a sassing bitch.
  my colleague had a student send threatening emails.
  we’ve both had to protect our TAs from students who harrass them.
Why do I keep this job, again?
I would find this job better if I felt more respected. And if I didn’t feel that at any moment a student might snap and become a creeper.  It’s too bad that I have to tell my RAs and TAs to keep the phone number of campus security handy, for protection from their fellow students who don’t know how to handle their own rage and entitlement.

All my female colleagues have stories of creeper students.

This is not acceptable.  The men don’t get creepers.
I call on all humans to end the patriarchal nonsense!