When will we leave a sharply worded comment on your post?

You have been warned… !

These are gathered from general patterns across the blogosphere, not from anyone’s particular blog.  (Well, except #4.  Thank goodness we’ve only seen one blog that does that.)

  1. When you claim that it is poor people’s fault for being poor, or black people’s fault for being unemployed, or Hispanic people’s fault you don’t have a job, and similar things.  (Note:  these are not true.)
  2. When you attack a woman’s children because she is successful and thus cannot be doing a decent job of raising her kids.  (Note:  this is not true and there are better ways to justify your lifestyle choices.  If you need to attack someone else’s choices that they have no cause to complain about, then perhaps it is time to re-examine your own.)
  3. When you’re always blaming other people for your problems.  We try really hard to avoid these blogs but occasionally (we click on a tantalizing headline off someone’s blogroll and) we snap.  And although in this case, our comment is generally gently worded, we have made an enemy for life (because, oh yeah, you see the worst of every single interaction you’re in).
  4. When you sexualize infants, children, and attachment parenting.  That is just MESSED UP.
  5. When you’re always complaining about the SAME THING and then you go and make BAD CHOICES that are going to result in the same thing you’re always complaining about only worse.  We don’t mind complaining about the same thing if it’s justified (it’s not your fault your ex isn’t paying child-support), we don’t even mind what kinds of foolish choices you make with your money, it’s the digging yourself into a deeper hole just so you can complain even more that gets to us.  We try reallly hard to never read your blog again, but sometimes Schadenfreude wins, and when that happens sometimes we say something even though we know it won’t do any good.
    • #1 has much more of a hair-trigger on this one than does #2. #2 is hamstrung by the fact that my browser keeps logging me out of wordpress, so leaving comments becomes a several-step process and by then I don’t care anymore.
    • #1 notes that isn’t true– #1 is much better at not visiting said blogs.
  6. When you tell everybody that your life choice is the One True Path and that everybody else is destroying their children, is a wimp, a spendthrift, a loser, and so on.
  7. When you say that other people are not doing enough even though you’re not doing anything yourself.  Example:  telling infertile couples they should just adopt when you haven’t adopted, saying that people who don’t send their kids to public school are selfish when you’re not supporting public schools (this one even inspired a post)
  8. When you say that worrying about education for gifted kids is a terrible thing and you should let kids be kids.  Or that kids need to stay with their same-age peers.  Or that there’s no reason for kids to read early.  Hulk smash.

What gets you ticked off enough to be snippy?  We already know Cloud doesn’t roll that way, but what about the rest of you?

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Ponderings on perfection

One of DC1’s classmates is a doctor married to another doctor.  (Her youngest is best friends with my oldest– they skipped first grade together.)  Dr. Bestfriendsmom is also gifted with organizational and artistic abilities.  Her kids seem similarly endowed and often win the school-wide art contests.

Dr. Bestfriendsmom also throws amazing parties.  She knows interesting people, both with kids and without, even though they’ve only been living here a couple of years.  She and her husband are both total extroverts.  Their parties are honestly the only ones we’ve really enjoyed (including the ones we throw) since our odd assortment of non-work friends graduated, getting their PhDs, and moved to other states.

The children’s parties that Dr. Bestfriendsmom throws are generally themed.  She does the decorations.  (She makes pinatas in her hotel room on conference trips.)  She does the baking.  (The baking can include 30+ gingerbread houses made from scratch.)  She’s totally amazing.  A non-anal Martha Stewart.

At the last party, other mothers tried to engage me and did engage each other with catty comments about Dr. Bestfriendsmom and her over-the-top baking.  I responded with earnest, “It’s totally amazing,” and “DC1 is loving this” kinds of comments.  Mentally narrowing the eyes in my mind while doing so (the eyes on my face got wider and more innocent looking).

I don’t get the vitriol.  The jealousy.  Why are people so hostile when presented with someone who is awesome?  Why do they feel like they have to tear someone down who is just trying to do things well?

I don’t particularly want to be her… crafts are not my thing even if I had artistic ability.  (Also:  it is my understanding that MDs have to deal with blood.  Urp!)  So much extroversion would tire me out.  But I appreciate that there’s someone in our life who puts in that kind of effort to throw a big party and to make sure her guests are having a great time.

It could be that I don’t feel jealous precisely because I don’t particularly want to be a crafty person who throws awesome parties (though I appreciate being invited to them!).  But I also look up to the awesome women in my field who are at better schools and more published than I am, even though I do want to be them!  I strive for their accomplishments and I appreciate the way they’re opening doors for all women.  (Come to think of it, the ex-friend whose therapist told her to stop talking to me often took instant dislikes to some of these shooting stars, and also accused me of being jealous of her own success.)

Maybe it’s a fixed mind-set vs. growth mind-set thing.  I assume that with enough concentrated effort I could do things, or at least do more things, so there’s no need to tear anybody down to my level.  But really I have no idea.

Related:
Sylvia:  The woman who does everything so much better than you do.
Also Historiann’s recent series on Hillary Clinton.  (Another awesome woman.)

Why do you think some people hate perfection?  Do you?

Nicole and Maggie gossip about bloggers

#1: when she whines, I feel Schadenfreude
#2: and her husband is just as bad
it’s not like Mutant Supermodel
where she’s doing her best and life keeps kicking her
but she’s going to do just fine one of these days
#1: right
#2: mutant super model has 3 kids, lives in a more expensive area, and does not make 6 figures… but she makes good choices and isn’t all entitled
#1: I like to read The Little Professor. She amuses me.
#2: me too
the little professor doesn’t seem to have any issues
#1: nope
stable, professional, amusing, is Little Prof’s blogpersona
#2: I have to say my current voyeur blog reading is coming from one bright star.
She seems to be making reasonably good choices… or at least averting disaster. I’m glad she dumped the biochemist. I want to tell her of course it seemed like they clicked– you don’t get to have that many marriages and affairs unless you can click with women! But I kind of swore off doing anything but watching other people’s romances many moons ago.
So far I’m rooting for CPA, but military guy intrigues me
#1: heheheheheh
#2: (I think it’s CPA, the one without any red flags)
#1: it’s like reality TV without looking at ugly people
#2: haha yes
like the early real world episodes, before they realized crazy sold
In any case, I’m totally hooked. Even if 1B* is actually a happily married 65 year old gentleman retired ice fisher playing a hoax on the internet community. It’s making for a good story and I want to know how it ends.

Grumpy rumblings wants to know if you have any good gossip about bloggers to share.  We’ll be very discreet… (or at least as discreet as posting on a public forum can be).  Where are you getting your vvoyeuristic kicks?  Please nothing too slanderous or libelous.  Unless it’s about CPP.