More anime!

This was an unfinished draft from 2014. Since 2014 I have not actually watched much anime… all I can remember watching since then is Yuri on Ice and currently we’re watching SpyxFamily on Hulu as a family.

Back in 2014, I linked this 2012 post on the topic. I also said I liked Aishiteruze Baby which was a sweet (but also has depth) anime about a popular but thoughtless high school boy who is given primary charge of taking care of his abandoned five year old cousin (the teenager’s parents are still there but he’s given charge of getting the girl to and from school, making her lunch, that sort of thing).  And then I mentioned Super Gals! which is just a really fun anime and if it has any depth the depth is that girl power is real and women (girls) should be allowed to dress how they want etc.

Yuri on Ice is a very sweet, very pretty, anime about two rival male ice skaters who fall in love.

Spy X Family isn’t finished yet, but it’s already an international sensation (it was in window storefronts in Paris the summer before last) and there’s two seasons of the anime up on Hulu.  It’s about um… well, it’s set in a fictional eastern european country, though the McGuffin is very much like the Hamas/Israel situation, but if the middle east had had the adult male protagonist they would not currently be at war.  Basically his job is to stop anything that could blow up into an excuse for warfare.  It’s also over the top and delightful.  But also they do an insanely good job of treating the actual main character, a precocious child, like a child rather than a small adult.  Like… her understanding/misunderstanding of the world is exactly what you’d think it would be for an insanely intelligent 4 year old skipped two grades who can read minds.  Also there’s an assassin and a member of the secret police and a dog who can see the future and the only person who knows about any/all of these secret identities is the little girl.  Highly recommend.

What anime/manga series do you enjoy? 

RBOMoney/career/etc

• Being on a trimester system means that the third college tuition bill comes pretty fast in the Spring.
• DH bought 2 of these luxurious towels for himself (I am happy with our regular JC Penny’s towels that MIL got us) and, like the fancy bamboo towels that preceded them, they take a really long time to dry.
• DH lost a lot of weight, slowly and deliberately via calorie counting and a lot of weighing out of foods.  Right now he is smack dab in the middle of the recommended weight distribution for his height and delightfully muscular.  He’s at the point now where he wants to replace most of his clothing because even his undershirts that he sleeps in and uses for workouts are too loose.  (Personally I prefer loose t-shirts for sleeping and exercising, but each to their own.)  He’s shopping slowly and deliberately with a lot of internet research.  He went to a tailor in town and got measured and then ordered a custom made shirt from Proper Cloth (not sponsored).  After he decides if he likes it he’s going to get a few more business casual things and then he’s going to start looking at his t-shirts.  (Also next time he’s at Target he plans to pick up a pack of smaller undershirts.)
• I’m applying for a deanlet position.  It’s one that is mostly paperwork, though apparently there are about 6 hours of meetings per week.  But it comes with a 0/0 teaching load and no departmental service.  I talked to the person who currently has it, and even though it sounds like a lot of work… it actually sounds like *less* people-facing than I currently have.  And there’s some putting out fires, but those fires are at predictable times of the year (hiring, P&T etc.), unlike now where I am constantly preventing them by going hey, don’t we need information X before this meeting… do the people know that we need X from them?  surely we should let them know so we don’t have to reschedule the impossible to schedule meeting and then miss all the deadlines.  And apparently the dean comes by just to chat like 4x/day, but in my current situation, the pro-gun anti-vaxxer whose office is next door to mine does the same thing, so…
• 6 hours of meetings is less than 6 hours of teaching + 2 hours of office hours.  (Plus all the other meetings I do.)
• The person currently in this position published two books in the last four years, so it sounds like it’s possible to keep up a research agenda.
• And there’s a guaranteed full pay, full year sabbatical after stepping down from the position.
• Many people would really like me to have this position, but my department head really would not.
• Having struck out on the market 3 years in a row, this seems to be the easiest way to get out from under the crushing service load in my department caused by me being the only person who notices things before they become problems.  (Things apparently went to heck while I was on faculty development leave in ways that have already caused more service for me this semester.)  On the one hand I feel a little guilty but on the other hand, I was gone for a year and nobody stepped in — no one person should *ever* be instrumental to the running of a department.  People need to step up.
• (To be fair, there are two other people like me who are also heads of their sub-fields, but they’re both associate professors and they’re much more last minute than I am.  They are also out there fighting last minute fires, but only really think about fire prevention when I bring it up.  They do 100% back me up on the fire prevention and go with me to meet with the department head about preventing upcoming fires.)
• (One of the things we have repeatedly told the department head is that they either need to get an associate head or a director of graduate studies because WE ARE BURNING OUT and the head cannot handle everything.  So far, nothing.  Though I did get a course release.)
• Also I would have my own secretary and not only is she really good, she already organizes things in the way I have been slowly organizing things in my department as I move through different leadership positions.  I think we will work well together if I get the position.
• Of course, I’m not the only person applying for this position, though I am the only person from my department, and my department is also the only one that does not currently have any deanling representation.  (Technically the current dean is from our department, but he was an outside hire and is not planning on ever actually being in my department as a faculty member and he’s stepping down next year.)
• I do not EVER want to be department head.  That is way too much people.  I am really good at paperwork but very bad at people.  Since I got back from leave a lot of people have been coming to me instead of the department head for things that are not my purview.  And the department secretary asks me for stuff because the head isn’t available and I have a long institutional memory.
• I am a people pleaser and very very bad at protecting myself, particularly in the moment.  I *want* to be helpful.  I’ve tried not mentioning looming disasters and I just cannot.  And I’m not compensated for this (other than the brand new teaching release)– my department head continues to nominate a specific other person for ALL the money-attached awards that we are both eligible for, plus she’s allowed to teach statistics online (which is the easiest class to teach online because all of the lectures are canned and all the grading is automatic) and live in another state and do zero service except inviting one high profile speaker in her field in each year.  Our research output continues to diverge as I’m put into the mommy track and she’s put into a highly compensated research-only track.
• In theory, as a deanlet, I’d be compensated for service.
• DC1 wants to stay at Carleton for the summer if zie can get a job.  We may spend some extended time in Minnesota if that happens.  We’ll see.  It does look like they have a summer meal plan, so I’m not as worried about DC1 getting malnourished.

Link Love

How to be a parent if you never had one?

The perfect headline

How to disable Microsoft using anything you write as input for AI training.

cw: trans student beaten to death at school in Oklahoma  Paired action:  donors choose donation to help trans kids

 

Ask the grumpies: High deductible health care hacks?

First Gen American asks:

Hacks on saving money on healthcare expenses with high deductible plans. I know sometimes you can price compare on big expenses like MRIs. (For example, I bought a cheap blood sugar monitor for $20 on Amazon when I was worried about being pre diabetic. Much cheaper than a doctors appt. I would have gone if the readings were high.)

We’ve got nothing on this one.  (We don’t have high deductible plans…)

Here’s a link for people who can’t afford health insurance, which has some of the same ideas re: shopping around.   This one has some other stuff, like double checking your bills or considering medical tourism.  Stuff to do with your HSA if not using it for medical expenses.

Grumpy Nation:  Any better suggestions for FGA?

 

DC2 wants to skip another grade

DC2 has gotten really bored as 7th grade has rolled on.  Zie is currently reading through our supply of non-fiction books (zie has finished DH’s bio- textbooks and has moved on to my popular non-fiction collection) and doing teacher aide kinds of things in some classes.

Hir science teacher suggested skipping 8th grade science.  Zie can do that by passing a test in the summer.

The problem is that the middle school and the high school are far apart from each other and that’s a big tax on us as parents.  (It would make more sense for me to do it since my work is closer to the high school.)  My colleague who has the kid at an ivy league did do this, but she’s more self-sacrificial than I am.  We could probably pay someone to do the chauffeuring, but it might not be reliable.  I’m also not sure what the rules are on kids using Uber.  But we’re keeping that in mind.  DC1 (on our weekly family phone call) also pointed out that zie hirself had run out of AP science classes in high school and the only way not to do that is to take the useless Physics AP class that colleges don’t count if you’ve done the calc-based ones.  So there’s not really much benefit, although DC2 could take science classes at the university or have a research period, which might be a benefit (presumably DC2 would be able to drive hirself to the university as a high school senior, which zie will likely need to do for math anyway).

While we were discussing these logistics, DC2 brought up potentially skipping 8th grade all together, which zie could do by testing out of English and History in addition to Science.  (Spanish and math are already above grade level.)  And I’m sure DC2 could do that if zie put hir mind to it.  And we’re not really opposed to it.

BUT.  DH is worried that if colleges didn’t want someone who would be turning 17 in a few months that they really won’t want someone who *just* turned 16.

We’re both concerned about the big cliff in difficulty between 8th grade and 9th grade that DC1 saw.  (DC2 points out that zie is WAY more organized, which is true, and doesn’t have any writing blocks like DC1 did, also true.)

The other big thing that I pointed out is that while we are sure DC2 could handle the academics, colleges also care about extra-curriculars, and it’s not clear that academics + extra-curriculars are going to happen if zie starts high school next year.  That intrigued DC2 so now zie is requesting books on how to get into top colleges.  We got a random selection from the library and zie is going to read them and then we’ll try to figure out which books from Amazon are worth buying.  There was one that I didn’t get for DC1 that I wish I could find for DC2– it was aimed at like hot-housed middle schoolers (maybe home-schooled?) and was basically a book of ideas for competitions and publication venues that DC2 might find useful.  The actual competitions etc. may or may not still exist, but it would be nice for hir to have something to look at when trying to figure out what to do with hir free time.  Another year would help DC2 find interests to explore.

Anyhow, that’s our current plan.  DC2 is going to read up on becoming a high school superstar (I haven’t gotten the Cal Newport book though because the library didn’t have it and it’s probably out of date) and see if anything appeals.  Then zie is going to decide whether or not to try to test out of any classes and if so, study for the tests, I guess.  If not, hopefully there will be something that zie finds interesting enough to explore.  DC2 is already contemplating starting a speech/debate team since the high school doesn’t seem to have one.

Note that I am specifically not asking for advice or opinions about whether or not DC2 should skip another grade or even skip a science class.  In the end, that’s up to hir. Zie has already skipped one grade and knows the pros and cons socially, emotionally, etc. Hir older sibling skipped 2 grades and we have that experience as well.  (Their birthdates are offset 6 months which is why they didn’t both skip two grades.)

How did you keep from dying of boredom in middle school?

Rolling a solo 401k plan into an employer 401k plan

DH had rolled his last employer’s 401k plan into a solo 401k plan for people with self-employment income.  At the time he had some self-employment income from being between jobs.  And rolling over was great and he put it into Vanguard and has been enjoying low fees.

Unfortunately, you have to have bonafide self-employment income for at least one out of the next two years to keep your plan.  That is, your business has to be making a profit.  Looking online, if you’re an engineer with a company whose business plan includes technical consulting, driving for Uber or doing online surveys just a little bit to keep your solo 401k seems like it might be considered sketchy by the IRS should it ever investigate.  (Not so if you have an actual free-lancing business of which driving etc. is a part.)  Plus, DH doesn’t really want to do those things just to keep a 401K plan.  Even though it would be saving a lot of money.

I usually have a couple/few hundred dollars in self employment income from honoraria, referee report fees (most journals don’t pay but a few do), and so on.  But I guess engineering isn’t as much of a sinecure.  Sadly he can’t use my self-employment income for his Solo 401k.

So he’s going to roll it into his current W-2 company’s overpriced plan and pay the additional 0.7% fee per year.  This is going to cost something between $1.5 and $2K/year in additional fees if my calculations are correct.  BUT we don’t have to deal with rolling it all over to a Roth in order to allow us to continue doing backdoor Roths.  (See the previous post linked in the first sentence for more info on that.)  At least we saved a couple of years of costs on that.

Have you had to roll over a solo 401k?

Link love

Bardiac’s college is facing severe cuts and a lot of people have been laid off. She asks for low cost ideas for how admin can keep morale up.

Ask the grumpies: How to prevent elder financial abuse

First Gen American asks:

How do avoid financial elder abuse? Should we all setup trusts?

Alice says:

Risks from telemarketers and phone scammers have been eliminated: we switched her phone to a plan that blocks inbound calls from unapproved numbers.

We have no idea.

AARP suggests services that track accounts and help recoup losses from fraud.  The consumer financial protection bureau has guides on how to report abuse.  Most of the online advice seems to just be pay attention or have someone you trust pay attention.

Websites selling trusts like your trust idea for preventing financial elder abuse.

Grumpy Nation, do you have suggestions for protecting older people from financial abuse?

RBOC

cw:  doctor talking about weightloss (unasked)

• DH has started making food from youtube shorts (also from longer youtubers).  One big winner is an egg that has been fried, then batter dipped, then deep fried.  EXTREMELY good.
• DC2 has started going through old writing and old art and crumpling them up and saying they’re awful and embarrassing.  #2 does this too– I believe the phrase “monkeys eating my brain” is used while crumpling/deleting.  #1 never did… I sort of feel like all of my old work was either *brilliant* or it was part of a learning experience, so I’m not generally embarrassed by it.  Even my stuff from when I was in 2nd grade was pretty cool for a 2nd grader.  IMO.  I dunno, I like reading my old blogposts.  Maybe I peaked early.
• My next door office colleague came in with Covid.  He asked me to help him with a computer thing and didn’t mention he was sick until I’d finished.  Why would you go in for work when you know you’re sick?  He said he’d taught his classes virtually, but one of his students came in and said no, he’d actually gone in after teaching some of it virtually.
• One of my work friends got Covid a couple days later (sick Saturday but negative home test, positive blood test on Tuesday).  I spent that Saturday unusually tired and sleeping half the day and then felt fine after getting out of bed.  I keep being exposed and I think fighting it off?  Yay vaccines?
• One of my colleagues doesn’t have a car.  They just uber everywhere, including to work and back.
• We continue to have too much food with DC1 gone, DH stress baking, and DC2 boredom baking.  It’s like we fully cook two full meals from scratch and then maybe have small prepared food from the freezer/pantry/eating out the rest of the week and then we still have too much food.  I guess we should go back to cookbooks that have recipes for fewer people or we’re going to have to start using our freezer more intelligently.  We’ve been a family of 3 before, and a family of 2 for even longer than that.  I’m not sure why it’s so hard to adjust back!  (DH has been stress baking most of our marriage!  But I guess with a kid there’s that need for vegetables on top of cookies…)
• When we switched from an electric stovetop to gas, all of a sudden DH’s moka pot coffee went from being chocolatey rich to decidedly sour.  He tried *everything*– changing beans, grinds, amount, etc. etc. etc.  It turns out what he needed to change was the heat– it wasn’t getting as hot as the electric would.
• In case you’re worried about us with the gas stove, the health suggestion is to turn the vent on before you turn on the stove, which is what we do.  It took a little bit of practice for me, but it’s become automatic.  (Previously I would turn on the vent second.)
• I got a zoom interview for a place I applied to but then messed up the time zones and missed it.  After looking into it, it didn’t look like it was going to be a good fit because it’s one of those places where the only good high school option is a school you have to lottery into.  If the main reason for me leaving is to help DC2, then moving to a place where the schools are rated 3/10 and don’t have BC Calc is not going to help.
• Went to the doctor for an annual checkup.  I’ve been having a foot problem where when I wake up in the morning it’s insanely itchy.  The internet suggests it’s either athletes foot or a nerve problem (possibly diabetes related…) or about 7 other things.  I did a full round of an OTC athlete’s foot thing and it didn’t help at all.  The doctor’s suggestion was to put lotion on it.  Lotion has NEVER HELPED me ever.  Or rather, if it did help, it would have helped already because whenever something is dry I do tend to put lotion on it.  I gave up and made an appointment with a podiatrist for a month from now.
• My ears are still flaking (the outer ear, but sort of inside it) and years of doctors telling me to put lotion on them has not helped at all.
• The doctor was also like, since you haven’t been able to lose weight even though you’re exercising and trying to lose weight, should I check your thyroid even though it was ok last year?  I’m like… ok, I HAVE been exercising but I HAVEN’T been trying to lose weight.  And my thyroid is always ok and if I *were* trying to lose weight and unable to, then I would go on Metformin because I have PCOS.  So she put me on Metformin.  But it was such an afterthought that I’m wondering if I should go on it or not.  It seemed like I knew more about it than she did and my knowledge is 12 years old and I know there’s a lot of new knowledge about insulin-sensitizing medications.  When I went to the good Gyn who is insanely difficult to get an appointment with 4 years ago, she didn’t recommend Metformin based on my blood sugar numbers (though she did think I should lose weight, and I was 20lb lighter then!).  Also I was 3lb heavier on their scale than my own this time around but she said my scale was probably wrong and it had nothing to do with me being in full winter gear with my huge thing of keychains because that couldn’t possibly be more than a pound.  She also said I weighed less than at last year’s appointment, so now I’m very confused about why she said I was trying and failing to lose weight and also she didn’t bring it up last year.  Also she’s like, your periods are regular, and I said, as I have said every time I go to the doctor, my periods have never been regular, I have PCOS.  It was such a frustrating experience because I thought she was taking notes last year but didn’t bring up anything from last year (lipomas, tiredness, headaches) just basically was like should I test your thyroid since you’ve been unable to lose weight.
• I wonder how many pounds of me are lipomas these days.  Every time I bump into something and bruise myself, which happens a LOT, I end up getting a new little permanent ball under my skin.  (I assume they’re lipomas because the first ones I noticed were scanned and diagnosed as such.)
• Exercise DOES NOT cause weight loss.  It can cause weight to go into different places, but muscle weighs more than fat.  Not losing weight with exercise is normal!
• My blood numbers are all out of the pre-diabetes range (not surprising since I eat pretty well, with DH’s baking being the glaring exception, though even then if it’s too sweet I don’t eat it).  That suggests I shouldn’t do metformin?
• The pharmacy keeps calling to tell me to pick it up.

Always wanting more

This is an unfinished post from 2013.  Updates in italics.

have it all  Back in 2013, I think there was a huge thing about women “having it all” whatever that means.  I’m not sure that’s part of the current zeitgeist anymore?

never–  Here I was flipping that idea about women having it all with pointing out that whenever you get close to “having it all” you want more.  And by “you” here I mean “me”.  There are probably a lot of people who are content with their lives.  I wasn’t wired that way.  I’m always striving for more on some measure.  I can’t help it.  I want things to grow.  When I try to be satisfied with my life as it is, I tend to get really really depressed.  I seem to be better off always a bit anxious and productive than the alternative.  We’ll see if that sticks as I continue through middle age and into older ages.

that’s ok  Here I was pushing a bit against the zen/minimalist/etc. dogma.  It is ok to be ambitious.  It’s ok to strive.  It’s ok to always want more.

it’s ambition!  See– ambition is ok!

it’s ok to be satisfied and happy too  But like, also people who are content and happy, so long as it hurts nobody, do what you will.  I may want to be content and happy all the time but in my cost-benefit analysis I’ve decided that I prefer ambition.  People can have made the opposite cost-benefit analysis– they may have chosen their current lives over being more ambitious and that’s ok too!  Different people have different preferences. 

Doesn’t work as well with stuff– but only because we need better organization systems.  Here I’m pointing out that always wanting more in terms of ambition doesn’t actually work well when we’re talking about stuff.  When you don’t have free disposal, you tend to have too much stuff and things get cramped or you have trouble finding stuff.  But, I push a bit against minimalism also by noting that if you have space and you have good organization then those problems aren’t really problems– if things are organized well you can find them and stuff isn’t as cramped. 

Do you always want more?  Are you good at being happy with where you are?