Ask the grumpies: Favorite way you’ve helped with some big social goal?

Debbie M asks:

What is your favorite way you’ve helped with some big social goal (like equality, climate, or corruption)? “Favorite” could mean you enjoy doing it or that you feel it actually makes a difference or some other thing.

I’ve had a surprisingly hard time answering this question.  Neither of us enjoys doing any social goal stuff.  #2 became jaded after flying to DC for the march on science did nothing.  #1 knows it is a long game and dislikes that she has to do these things just to keep things from getting worse.  It’s really hard for me to enjoy these things when the need for them is always a reminder in the background.  Also I have a legitimate fear of crowds and even so I’m sad that people have stopped protesting, because protests are actually important, but a protest of one maybe isn’t as much.  That all sounds very demoralizing and I DO NOT WANT PEOPLE TO GIVE UP.  It’s just that you have to keep working for social justice even though it isn’t fun, even though it doesn’t make a difference right away… even if you can’t see the difference it makes.

Every fight for social justice keeps us from slipping further back into the mire.  We can’t see this– all we can see is if we’re not making forward progress.  So it seems like we’re not doing anything worthwhile, but we really are.  Every city counsel person we get elected, every state senator, every federal congressperson– these all matter.  Even if we don’t have the majorities needed to make the positive progress we need and deserve, every small thing we do is pushing in the right direction.  It may not feel like progress, but it really is.

So, I guess I want to say… if it were easy, we’d have already done it.  If it were easy, we wouldn’t be needed.  The bad guys have been pushing to overturn Roe since the 1970s… decades later they won the battle.  The Supreme Court has been taken over by horrific people and will not protect us.  We HAVE to keep fighting against fascism.  Even if it’s not enjoyable.  Even though we can’t see the difference right away.  We have to keep fighting for our future selves, for the nation’s children, for the world, for the future of humanity.

I give money to donors choose to buy books about trans kids every time I find out about something anti-trans happening.  Sometimes I’ll organize and make sure someone gets funded, only to find out two months later that the teacher had to abandon the funded project because her school principal was afraid that books about minorities of any kind violated state or local law.  But that doesn’t erase all the other teachers we’ve helped.  That doesn’t take away from the kids who WERE able to read books that humanize trans kids.  These tiny pushes might make trans people more human to Cis-kids so when they grow up they won’t understand why anyone would care about a person’s gender and they’ll oppose legislation that hurts trans people, even after we’ve stopped fighting.

I write postcards to voters and letters to voters.  Sometimes those elections don’t go the way we’d hoped.  Sometimes they do.  I don’t know how much my own 10 postcards per week or stack of letters mattered.  But the plurality of them, along with the phone calls and letters that other organizations are sending, maybe they did matter together.

I’ve gone to protests… I had a panic attack at the Women’s March because I am legit diagnosed ochlophobic, and I’ve stayed on the outer edges of other protests.  They matter but they don’t usually bring immediate change.  And now all the gains we made from Black Lives Matter are being eroded.  But it’s a long fight.  We have to keep pushing forward.

I help people register to vote.  I remind people of elections.  We’re so gerrymandered the outcome doesn’t change.  But maybe the habit of voting will stay strong and things will matter in the future.  Or maybe the people who vote keep our gerrymandering from only electing fascists– perhaps without them voting Republicans would take it as permission to go even worse.  If we give up, we lose our democracy entirely.

The one thing I do through work is teach people that they’re not actually bad at math.  I help them learn how to think critically.  I like to think that as they go into the world they take those skills and use them to make the world a better place.  But it’s not an immediate difference that I can see in terms of social goals, just one I have to hope and trust.  And maybe it’s worth it anyway.

Grumpy Nation:  How do you fight for social justice?  What do you do to help keep us from sliding backwards or to help move us forward?

DC2 wants to skip another grade

DC2 has gotten really bored as 7th grade has rolled on.  Zie is currently reading through our supply of non-fiction books (zie has finished DH’s bio- textbooks and has moved on to my popular non-fiction collection) and doing teacher aide kinds of things in some classes.

Hir science teacher suggested skipping 8th grade science.  Zie can do that by passing a test in the summer.

The problem is that the middle school and the high school are far apart from each other and that’s a big tax on us as parents.  (It would make more sense for me to do it since my work is closer to the high school.)  My colleague who has the kid at an ivy league did do this, but she’s more self-sacrificial than I am.  We could probably pay someone to do the chauffeuring, but it might not be reliable.  I’m also not sure what the rules are on kids using Uber.  But we’re keeping that in mind.  DC1 (on our weekly family phone call) also pointed out that zie hirself had run out of AP science classes in high school and the only way not to do that is to take the useless Physics AP class that colleges don’t count if you’ve done the calc-based ones.  So there’s not really much benefit, although DC2 could take science classes at the university or have a research period, which might be a benefit (presumably DC2 would be able to drive hirself to the university as a high school senior, which zie will likely need to do for math anyway).

While we were discussing these logistics, DC2 brought up potentially skipping 8th grade all together, which zie could do by testing out of English and History in addition to Science.  (Spanish and math are already above grade level.)  And I’m sure DC2 could do that if zie put hir mind to it.  And we’re not really opposed to it.

BUT.  DH is worried that if colleges didn’t want someone who would be turning 17 in a few months that they really won’t want someone who *just* turned 16.

We’re both concerned about the big cliff in difficulty between 8th grade and 9th grade that DC1 saw.  (DC2 points out that zie is WAY more organized, which is true, and doesn’t have any writing blocks like DC1 did, also true.)

The other big thing that I pointed out is that while we are sure DC2 could handle the academics, colleges also care about extra-curriculars, and it’s not clear that academics + extra-curriculars are going to happen if zie starts high school next year.  That intrigued DC2 so now zie is requesting books on how to get into top colleges.  We got a random selection from the library and zie is going to read them and then we’ll try to figure out which books from Amazon are worth buying.  There was one that I didn’t get for DC1 that I wish I could find for DC2– it was aimed at like hot-housed middle schoolers (maybe home-schooled?) and was basically a book of ideas for competitions and publication venues that DC2 might find useful.  The actual competitions etc. may or may not still exist, but it would be nice for hir to have something to look at when trying to figure out what to do with hir free time.  Another year would help DC2 find interests to explore.

Anyhow, that’s our current plan.  DC2 is going to read up on becoming a high school superstar (I haven’t gotten the Cal Newport book though because the library didn’t have it and it’s probably out of date) and see if anything appeals.  Then zie is going to decide whether or not to try to test out of any classes and if so, study for the tests, I guess.  If not, hopefully there will be something that zie finds interesting enough to explore.  DC2 is already contemplating starting a speech/debate team since the high school doesn’t seem to have one.

Note that I am specifically not asking for advice or opinions about whether or not DC2 should skip another grade or even skip a science class.  In the end, that’s up to hir. Zie has already skipped one grade and knows the pros and cons socially, emotionally, etc. Hir older sibling skipped 2 grades and we have that experience as well.  (Their birthdates are offset 6 months which is why they didn’t both skip two grades.)

How did you keep from dying of boredom in middle school?

The long tail is gone

Here’s another draft from 2013.  Let’s see if I can turn it into an actual post.

netflix

rottentomatoes

amazon/librarything

specialization of internet– no more one-stop shopping

I remember being really intrigued by the concept of “the long tail” when an article came out about Netflix and how even niche/rare dvds were getting a lot of demand on the site.  Netflix was making money from shipping a lot of very different dvds rather than mostly shipping things that had just come out.  In addition, people were finding and being introduced to new films specific to their interests.  (Disclaimer:  These UPenn researchers say the long tail never existed.)

Around 13 years ago, Netflix had a contest to predict people’s interests in new dvds.

Since then, I posit that Netflix has become more interested in inducing demand rather than following it.  There’s less money to be made from matching people to their interests than there is pushing things on people.

When Netflix started phasing out their dvds (final death throws in September), it began to kill its long-tail model.

With the way streaming services are scattered with monopoly power on different media properties, it is now nearly impossible to find fun new-to-you niche programming.  Maybe if you have Disney+ you can dig through those archives, and there’s always Youtube.  But that experience of finding anything and everything available on dvd, ready to be shipped to you is completely gone.

What do you think we meant by rottentomatoes, amazon/librarything, or specialization of the internet?  How do you consume your digital media?

Fighting as bonding

This draft started in 2013!

Apparently I was reading The Great Brain to DC1 (hard to believe DC1 is heading to college only 10 years later!).  It’s a book set I think in the late 1800s about a Tom Sawyer-esque kid.  You know, the adorable con-man type.

I never cared for the book, but my mom loved it and sent a copy to DC1.  She’s not as soft.  #2:  I loved them!  But I didn’t really understand the brother-dynamic.

Here, 10 years later, I’m not exactly remembering the specific fight, but there was a fight in it and afterwards the boys became friends.  This was a common trope!

I think I first came across it in Robin Hood and his Merry Men — Robin defeated someone using staffs on a bridge, IIRC (was it Friar Tuck?)  But it was all over “boys” books.

Today, we don’t see the trope as much, except maybe in tournament animes, where they’re generally fighting in a more formal setting and come to respect each other as opponents, rather than because they hate each other.

In real life, the trope doesn’t go over very well.  It’s much better to talk things out without someone getting beaten first.  And with guns so much more prevalent, there’s a very real chance combatants will die rather than bonding after an altercation.  Hopefully fighting to settle schoolyard disputes is no longer blessed by school administration.  Hopefully the term “tattling” (which encourages kids to keep the wrong secrets) is no longer something kids can be punished for, and hopefully bullying is being actively discouraged (note:  anti-bullying was in when DC1 was in middle school, but now that DC2 is there, that seems to be out of fashion, and as a result bullying seems to have increased again).

Adults get put in jail for throwing a punch.  Kids should learn non-violent ways of solving disputes younger.  And they can learn them as early as age 3.

Did you grow up with fighting as a bonding activity?  Did the children’s literature you read feature it?

Ask the grumpies: What do you hope your kids will do differently than you did?

CG asks:

What do you hope your kids do differently in college/life than you did?/do

I’m not really sure?  Things worked out pretty well for us, and our kids are in much different situations.  For example, we started poor and they have the luxury of starting well-off.  It’s just an entirely different base.

They’re also different people than we are.  DC1 has already not met hir life-partner in high school.  Zie thinks zie might be asexual, but could also be demi-sexual (like me), or may just be still too young for romance.  Although things worked out great for DH and me, DC1 isn’t DH or me.  So what will be different is hir romantic life, but what I hope for is the same– for hir to be gloriously happy with how hir romantic life turns out, however it turns out.

DC1 also didn’t get into my undergrad and doesn’t seem interested in economics, though who knows, that may change.  (Must say though, if zie had wanted to do economics, zie should have gone to the state flagship or Macalester– Carleton’s econ department is oddly focused on macro, probably because of proximity to UMN, and they’re not very research active.)  So… that will be different.  But I hope what is the same is that zie will end up majoring in things that zie loves and zie will end up training hir mind to “think like an X” for the X of hir choice.

I hope DC1 makes more and better friends than I did in college.  Most of my relationships were built on proximity and not particularly long-lasting.  But only if that’s something DC1 wants.

If DC1 goes to graduate school, I hope the transition isn’t as awful as mine was.  On the one hand, working a bit first would be good.  On the other hand, if all goes well, zie will only be 20 at graduation, so maybe going directly to grad school is the right move.

I do hope DC1 doesn’t get stuck in a red state after graduation.  So that’s something different.  It honestly wasn’t that bad when we first moved here, but in the Trump era it has gotten horrible.

Grumpy Nation, if you have children, what do you hope your kids do differently in college/life?  What do you think your parents wanted for you that was different than what they had?

universal nerd culture cuts across generations

Another post from 2012!  But it’s still true!

Here are my notes from 2012:

students get the gazebo joke

nerd students get the same cultural references, old nerds too

IT worker quotes monty python

This was basically me noticing that a small number of my students “get” the nerd humor that was funny back in high school.

The gazebo joke is a roleplaying joke from DND.  I sometimes make it as a little side joke when I’m talking about how tests can be biased towards different groups (“… like attacking a gazebo”).  And like one or two people will laugh and I’ll be like I see you, my DND players, and they’ll be like guilty, ma’am.    This is from the 1970s!  But we knew of it in the 80s and 90s and  a subset of my students have known it for the past decade and a half or more.

There are lots of similar nerd culture references– I can quote Rocky Horror Picture Show or pretty much any Monty Python sketch or Monty Python movie (and I suppose one of the young IT students must have quoted one of these at me back 11 years ago), and my nerds will get me.  Ditto Star Trek.  These things don’t go away.

Heck, I can even mention that dead puppies aren’t much fun, and most of the class will look at me like I’m crazy and a small number will be like, dead puppies.  Or I could mention fish heads fish heads, roly poly fish heads and they’ll silently mouth, “eat them up yum.”

And there’s NEW nerd stuff too, but it’s not just for the Youths.  I am well aware of Undertale and the newer Deltarune and Stardew Valley and Portal and Marvel and on and on and on.

What universal nerd culture are you aware of?  Are there other cultures (musicals?) that cut across generations that you’re a fan of?

Ask the Grumpies: How much should one give to charity?

Jess asks:

How do you decide how much to give to charity? I’m not religious so I’ve only heard of the 10% tithe recently and it seems like so much! At the same time, I know a “could” afford to donate 10% while still saving 15% as recommended, so is it wrong not to do so? I am very young (25) and the idea of compound interest has been hammered into me, plus I am reasonably confident I will be taking a pay cut in about a year to switch industries (into one that is better for the world) and move cities, so it feels safer to save a lot while I can.
Right now I’m donating about 2% through automatic monthly donations and so far in 2020 have donated about 2% in one-off donations. I expect to donate more this year given the many extenuating circumstances. Any advice is welcome!

There’s no hard and fast rule about how much you should give to charity.  In fact, in an ideal country, you wouldn’t have to give *anything* to charity because the government would be collecting taxes to take care of needs.  But, we don’t live in an ideal country and really, no country has figured everything out.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind though.

1.  Take care of yourself first.  Keep saving 15% for retirement!  Also make sure that your emergency fund is full, that you’ve got plenty of insurance, and that you have a plan to save for big goals like cars or houses (or job changes) etc.

2.  Just like the tax system, it doesn’t make sense for everybody to donate the same percentage to charity.  Richer people should be donating more to charity and lower income people should be donating less.  We explain why marginal tax rates make sense here, complete with a diagram that we stole with attribution from someone else.  But the main idea is that for people who have lower income, 10% is a huge cut in their ability to meet their needs and wants and is a drastic decrease in their utility (aka happiness).  For a billionaire, 10% leaves them with 90% of their billions, which is still more than any reasonable person should want.  They only get a small decrease in their utility.  Because that 100th yacht just isn’t that exciting.  (And honestly, we’d be better off if evil billionaires would stop getting their jollies by buying politicians and screwing with civil society.)

So… there is no right answer.  Only you can decide.  But as you make more, you should up your % donated, not just the dollar amount.  As you make less, you should cut it.

On top of that, some people have charitable giving plans where they figure out how much and where they will be donating in advance.  Other people (like us) tend to be soft touches and tend to donate based on whatever makes the hurting hurt less, and donate at any point in time based on our finances when we’re asked or read a sad news article or etc.  The former is probably a better way for the charities and a better way to live life, but the latter is how a lot of people do it, which is why we get so much junk mail and so many emotional appeals.

We just did our taxes, and gave about 1.5% of our income to actual 501c3 organizations, but we gave a TON more to political organizations which are not tax deductible.  Does that count as charity?  I tend to think so because I have a strong belief that government should be providing public goods and not, you know, separating children from their families and putting them into concentration camps.  $ to Stacey Abrams will have saved a lot more lives than money to pretty much any charity I can think of this past year.  Not to say that donating to 501c3 charities isn’t important, but political action and political donations are not wasted efforts or wasted money if your end goal is to make the world a better place.  They’re just not tax deductible.

Grumpy Nation, how do YOU decide how much to give to charity?  Has this varied over your income/life?

Why I don’t want to list my pronouns

I’ve been thinking a lot the last couple of years about gender and sexuality.  I’ve been learning a lot more about other people and about myself too.

I’ve mentioned before that I only recently learned that demi-sexual is a thing, and is in fact, a thing that explains so much of my life (and why I will never ever be able to do modern-style dating if something terrible happens to DH).

I have *always* thought that gender was just a construct and an unfair one at that.  I have never understood the actual concept of people being male or people being female.  Male and female to me was always something that society assigned and assigned roles for based on my chromosomes and physical characteristics at birth.  I’ve never cared about my clothing being masculine or feminine, just that it be comfortable and appropriate for whatever venue I have to be in (I LOVED grunge in the 1990s, and my pandemic wardrobe is DH’s old t-shirts with workout shorts/pants). I have always figured I was female because it is much easier to be female than it is to be a trans man.  If DH was ok with it and I had a magic wand, I would totally switch sexes and reap the benefit of all that male privilege.

At some point, I realized that other people do identify as male or female and not because society has tricked them, because trans women exist.  In order to give up that male privilege, they must really truly identify with being female.  Thus it makes sense that some people truly identify with being male, even if their chromosomes are XX.  And there are likely XX-types who feel they must be women and XY-types who feel they must be men.  This is just one of those things that I don’t understand, much like the way my demi-sexuality makes it so I don’t understand instant sexual attraction.  But just because I don’t understand something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  People are different and that’s ok.

After a lot of thought, I have decided of the types of genders listed out there, I am probably non-binary.  But I’m also the kind of non-binary that doesn’t have gender dysphoria (so I can’t even answer many of those “am I non-binary” online quiz questions). That is because I don’t understand the concept of gender at all (except as a construct of how society views me). I don’t care if people gender me male or female or non-binary or what have you.  People who are non-binary who really identify with not being male or female might have negative effects being mis-gendered as something they’re not.  Me, I don’t care.  It’s not that I need to come out because I’m fine with how other people gender me (other than the whole misogyny thing) because my view of gender is exactly that– how other people gender me.

Lots of people have started listing their preferred pronouns on their zoom profiles and email signatures.  The idea is that if CIS-gendered people (that’s people whose gender identity matches their chromosomes/sex characteristics) start doing this, it will seem more normal for trans and non-binary people.

The one part of my gender identity that seems real is that I do not want to label myself. I do not want to bring attention to my gender.  I don’t want to list she/her because I resent being treated in the way that women are treated.  I don’t want to put down he/him because people look at me and see a woman and that would cause cognitive dissonance and problems I don’t want to deal with, even though I would prefer to be treated as if I were male.  (I wish we were *all* treated like white men on the lowest difficulty setting and given the benefit of the doubt etc.)  I don’t want to put they/them because it doesn’t bother me to be referred to as she or he and I know it’s hard for people to get used to the they/them construct and I don’t want to be the person they practice on.  (Maybe that’s selfish?  But I don’t think I have to always sacrifice myself.  I’m already gendered as a woman by society.)  I don’t want to draw attention to myself or to have to explain this whole, “I don’t understand gender” thing.  Someone would likely try to explain it to me(!)

On a recent anonymous survey, we were given multiple choices for gender and I happily picked female and non-binary.  When I only get to pick one of male/female/other, I assume they mean “how do others view you” so I pick female.  I think this is different from the pronoun listing because with the pronoun listing it really feels like I am saying, “this is what I *prefer*” and it isn’t.  I would prefer people treat me (and everyone else) like a dude.  I would prefer there not be genders at all!  (But I understand that some people prefer gender, so as long as it isn’t hurting others, do what you will.)

If I were forced to do the pronoun thing, I would write: (whatever/whatever).  But I know that seems flip and not helpful for people who want to make their genders clear because it is part of their internal identity.  So I’m glad we’re not forced.  (Briefly considers an email sig with “pronouns:  it’s all good,” rejects it.)

And I think this is ok.  I’m not making fun of listing the pronouns.  I understand why they’re important, and I think it is great that CIS people are adding them to their profiles.  But I do not want to do it myself.  Not because I think they’re bad or wrong but because I really do not want to label myself with a gender.  I hope this absence doesn’t harm anyone or make me less of an ally, but there’s so little that I care about when it comes to gender that the fact that I do care about this one thing… well, I think I should listen to myself, especially since I’ve determined it isn’t coming from a place of internalized bigotry.  I don’t want to lie and say I prefer she/her when I in fact do not prefer it.  It turns out that I really do care that I don’t care.

Also, I love the comic strip, egscomics even though the beginning is immature and the storylines take years.  I think it’s neat how the author has played with gender identity and how different cast members have different levels of it.  Now I have the Ranma 1/2 season 1 theme stuck in my head.

Have you put pronouns on your stuff?  Why or why not?

Unemployment insurance or not?

Last time DH was unemployed, he couldn’t get unemployment insurance because he’d left his (professor) job, and the only way he could have lost the job would be to quit or be fired.

This time, DH is in a textbook layoff situation– first furloughed (but didn’t bother getting unemployment supplementation even though he could have) and now the company has gone entirely out of business.

Sadly, our state does not currently have the covid provision that you can get unemployment even if not looking for work.  If he wants unemployment insurance money, he needs to look for work.

If he gets unemployment insurance, he would qualify for somewhere around $500/week or $2000/month, which is not nothing.  Back when we had a mortgage, that would have been our mortgage.

The hang-up is about looking for work.  DH wants a break before going to the next job.  Last time he had a 3 month break (basically summer) and enjoyed it immensely.  But he was also younger then.  More attractive to companies, maybe?  (We don’t actually know that much about age discrimination in high level tech positions even though we very much WANT to know.  It seems like some of the problem is that when you’re older you are expected to have connections.  And DH does have connections– everyone who has ever worked with him LOVES him and he’s done pro-bono stuff for companies when I’ve had technical issues with their technology.)  And will there be a problem with an extended length of unemployment (again, we don’t really know much about higher level workers and the effects of unemployment duration– really big literature, but nothing specific for our case… the closest is the Farber et al. work which suggests it maybe won’t be a concern for DH).

He’s also not sure what he wants to do next.  Ideally he’d do some kind of consulting where he swoops in and fixes difficult technical problems for people and they feel grateful and he’s done something that matters.  But… that’s not how large consulting companies work (particularly not the consulting company that his labmate wants him to work at)– they tend to be called in for CYA reasons or management doesn’t understand technology reasons and do something superficial that isn’t actually helpful and doesn’t get used.  That’s totally demoralizing.  He does not at all want to be an adjunct or lecturer at the university even though he could get a job doing that easily (and be paid very little to do so!).

One of his former coworkers is now working for a company that they worked with in the past that sounds to me like it would be a good fit.  They’re larger than the previous company and actually get products out to market instead of being an SBIR-mill.  And they allow working from home.  And he likes the people.  But DH is holding back on asking about it.  There’s something about it he can’t articulate that makes him not currently interested.  It may just be that he wants a sabbatical and this could lock him in for work for another decade.  I don’t know [update:  DH says the project they worked on together didn’t go well for reasons involving a third company not holding up their end].  I keep saying that once his former coworker gets settled DH should find out if he likes working there and hit up that network.

He could also switch from medical the-thing-he-does to just the-thing-he-does which is used in many industries, not just medicine.  There are several older members from his grad program actively looking for new employees at their companies.  Or he could just do computer programming– he’s one of those types who can pick up any new language in a few days.  And he’s known at a company I’ve bought specialized equipment from since he worked with them to fix some of their bugs that were causing me problems.  His plan for the month was to work on gimp via github, which is an open source project that would allow him to do labor for free that he could put on his resume to get his computer science cred up.  Or he could lean back on his imaging and instrumentation experience, which he has kept his hand in.

Anything that isn’t work from home, we’d have to move for.  And I cannot move.  There are like 20 jobs for people at my level in econ this year, and I did not apply to any of them.  (Though I think I would have had a shot at a couple of the jobs in Boston, but I can’t move poor DC1 in the middle of hir high school career from high school in the south to high school in Massachusetts for so many reasons.  Even if it would be so much better for DC2.)  Moving makes more sense in a couple of years when DC1 is out of high school and DC2 hasn’t yet started.

Then there’s all the jobs listed on the state unemployment website.  DH is over-qualified for many of them, but they’re not really good fits at all.  It looks like he wouldn’t have to accept jobs from them if offered because they likely don’t pay enough, but I’m not sure that he wouldn’t still have to apply to some number in order to get unemployment benefits.  If getting a job is most likely through networking, how much active cold applying will he have to do?  He’s going to look into that more.

Is it better to be able to say, “I took time off from applying to jobs to work on these fun projects and to help deal with the covid schooling situation” or to put the minimum amount of intensity into finding a job in order to get unemployment benefits, risking getting one that isn’t a good fit?  Or should he tap those networks hard to see if he can get a job, even though covid means a lot of places won’t be hiring?  (And we just found out that his friend who got him this job 7 years ago and left a few years back took 8 months to find a new position, though he didn’t quit his old job first and was definitely looking for something remote and stable that pays well.  Sadly for DH, he landed at a start up that can’t afford another engineer!)

I know hiring cycles start in January, so maybe we should just wait until the new year to worry about it after DH has had a break.  It looks like he can put off applying for unemployment insurance about that long without triggering any red flags.  I’m not sure how long he can put off applying before it gets difficult to apply though.  The website only says, things like “we encourage you to apply the first week you’re unemployed.”

Have you ever applied for unemployment insurance?  Have you taken breaks between jobs?

Are we going to send the kids to school in the fall?

The answer is:  I don’t know but we have to decide by July 30th.  We have the option to send the kids to school or have them virtual school at home.  We don’t know what either will look like but it also sounds like we’re not going to know until the school knows how many kids they’re dealing with.

I do think we will be sending DC2 [update:  things have gotten worse in the South– now we’re not sure].  Zie is still in the age range where there’s not a lot of transmission and cases tend to be mild, with a few exceptions [update:  some new articles have come out suggesting transmission rates may be higher than previous articles suggested, but it is still unclear].  Hir pediatrician is very good and we trust him to be on top of things and the nearest city has a top rate children’s hospital should it come to that.  And zie has been a handful this summer.  I suspect we won’t be using after-care like we usually do and I’m not sure if we will be using the bus.

It’s harder to decide for DC1 [update:  we’ve pretty much decided DC1 will virtual school for at least the first grading period].  Zie is 13 and in high school.  Kids these ages are much more like adults in terms of transmission and effects.  Plus, DC1 doesn’t get sick very often (zie has perfect attendance awards almost every year of schooling), but when zie does get sick and it’s something zie didn’t contract back in daycare many years ago, zie gets really sick.  Hir tonsils and adenoids have also become less protective overtime (which is good because it means hir teeth straightened out and zie doesn’t need to have surgery to remove them, but also means they’re not as protective.)

Plus, DC1 is young for hir grade and could take a gap year and still be early for college.  I don’t want to have hir skip a year of math, but precalc is one of the less useful years, and we could in theory get it somewhere else and waive it somehow.  And… DC1 has been pretty good at entertaining hirself and doing schoolwork hirself without interaction.

The big thing is that no matter what we do with the kids, I am still going in to teach two days a week.  I will still have classes of college students, and these classes are going to be bigger than usual because the other people teaching the section are all teaching online, so suddenly my 8am section looks attractive.  Even though they’ve added another section so there are more teachers than usual.  So… I’m fairly sure I am going to get it even if I opt out of all of the conference travel I currently have planned.

If I get it, it is likely my family will too.  I suppose I could quarantine myself in the house and not see my family for the duration.  But even so it’s likely I will transmit it to my kids.  And if they get it from me, does it matter if they get it from school?  Should I be worried about them transmitting it to their classmates (again, less concerned about DC2)?  These are really hard questions.  I don’t have an answer yet.  I do promise that we will be very good about not sending kids to school with the slightest fever or drippy nose, but that doesn’t help with pre-symptomatic spreading.  Maybe we keep them home if/when I get sick?

The NYTimes recently posted a survey they did back in May in which they asked a bunch of epidemiologists if they planned to send their kids to school.  Most of the ones who had kids said that they would.  Most of the ones without kids said they would not recommend it.  Having had DC2 home for months, I empathize with the epidemiologists willing to take the risk.

Update:  This more recent article from NPR suggests numbers you should look at while making the decision.  The numbers for our county suggest that we should be keeping both kids home.

We’ve also gotten some more information about the way that Virtual learning will work at the high school.  It looks like DC1 will be able to take all but one of the classes zie has requested.  Ironically the class not offered online is computer programming.  We may see if we can work something out for that class since DH can easily teach any lesson if DC1 is allowed to just do the work.  The alternative would be to take AP Physics 1 which wouldn’t be so bad if zie wasn’t already taking AP US History (which is a lot of work) and Pre-AP Chemistry (hard and a lot of work).  Another alternative would be to take AP Statistics , but then zie doesn’t have a math class for senior year.

Right now (as of last Friday) I think there’s a 98% chance DC1 will be staying home at least for the first part of the year.  I give DC2 an even 50%… I want to check the numbers again before July 30th and I would like to know how dual language will be addressed.

We’re also allowed to switch from virtual to in-person at the end of a grading period, so that may be the right thing to do– see what happens in the first 6 weeks of school and then send them in.  There’s a non-negative possibility that all of school will be shut down by then.

Grumpeteers with school-age children:  How are you making the decision about sending your kids back to school in the fall?  Has your school district made that decision for you already?