Dualing Duel Income Differences

#1:  We have no post for tomorrow

#2:  Do you have some money things to ask me, or say?  Or talk about?  Something something… I like money?

#1:  What’s it like having two incomes now [that your DH has been re-employed for a while]?

#2:  Not any different. Nothing’s really changed?

#1: No? It’s really no different having your DH working vs. not? Why is that? For me there’s a huge difference!

#2: I mean…. he handles most of the bills. Our level of spending hasn’t changed. We’re not really doing anything different in our daily lives.

#1: You don’t have fewer money worries? Or is it that he had enough of a buffer that it was ok?

#2: I mean… some, I guess it’s slightly less worrisome? I didn’t have a whole lot before. We have a big buffer.

#1: Maybe it’s like when I go on leave… like, it’s planned for and expected and stuff. Whereas DH being unemployed is more worrisome because we don’t know if he’s going to be able to find employment again without us all moving.  I guess your DH has better market prospects?

#2: We have enough buffer to not really change anything, I guess.

#1: Is it different when you’re the one unemployed?

#2: If DH stops doing this job, he’ll just get another one. My job is less essential to the financial functioning of this household, but still important. We could afford for both of us to be out of work for a short while, but that would blow the buffer. I mean, we live in an expensive place. But we also have a bunch of money, so….?

#1: We live in an inexpensive place, and we can live on my salary… but for some reason it’s more stressful.  We have to keep an eye on the spending… we can’t just say yes to things, whereas when he’s working we have enough extra we don’t need to sweat the small or medium-sized stuff.  Maybe it’s the kids–they’re more expensive than cats, and needy. Like, they need stuff.

#2: Yes, I think if I had kids that I was worried about their present and future needs… that would be a LOT of stress. If I had kids I would feel stressed ALL the time.

#1: … that’s not even counting when the after school activity teacher tells you that the Hershey’s kisses your DC2 is tantrumming about not getting are only for mommies who participated in their stupid unannounced parent participation day that you would totally have not had DC2 participate in if you’d known it would be happening when DH was out of town… I digress.

#1:  Or maybe it’s just that you’re naturally frugal now and the same naturally frugal when your DH is unemployed and there isn’t a big level jump given how expensive it is to live where you live– you still have to be moderately careful.

#2:  More like naturally medium.  Not very frugal.

#1:  You don’t have enough space to be truly unfrugal.  Unless your DH has a Tesla I don’t know about.

#2:  Nope.  Also I don’t like clothes shopping, and I like to stay at home.

If you’re partnered, how does your life change when one of you is out of work?  What do you think is going on? 

Here’s Mrs. POP talking about her feelings with a FIREd spouse.

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link love

Want to help get another Democrat elected?  There are two ways to remind democrats to vote in upcoming runoff elections in a couple of weeks.  The first is via Postcardstovoters (last I checked they still have addresses for Senatorial Candidate Mike Espy) and the second is via VoteFwd (Georgia Secretary of State runoff).

Nancy Pelosi is amazing.  Don’t let the bad guys smear her like they did HRC.

Don’t let the bad guys write a false cat-fight story between Ocasio-Cortez and Pelosi either.  It’s not cool when they do it with musicians, and it’s less cool when it’s politicians.

Read this excellent interview from an expert about what groups are best for white women to target (it isn’t the Trump-loving white women).

Facebook reportedly paid for smear campaign against George Soros

What happened in Porter County, Indiana on election day and after.

Casseroles that won’t fix any of this

IPUMS is AWESOME!!!!  I gave them money for their fundraiser.

Yay Linda!

10 things to remove from your resume

Extending the life of your smartphone

Ariana Grande and resilience

She Ra is getting good reviews!

How did this get published in nature?

A parody paper in solid state physics from 1931

I like these

Ask the grumpies: How do I find a good bank?

Susan asks:

We’ll be leaving BofA. What recommendations do you have?

I’ve been googling and what is defined as “ethical” seems confusing (mostly synonymous with green?). I think we need: direct deposit, online/picture deposit, billpay, and ATMs, though we don’t use cash much. We’ll need to link to Vanguard. So, pretty simple, and online only is going to be fine I think, it’s been years since I’ve been to the B&M. We keep ~$10k in checking. We have a Capital One account already (from when it was ING).

I don’t know that I have good recommendations, and #2 and I have very different feelings about credit unions. (I think it’s a good idea to have both a local CU and a national bank, she is very against CU for reasons.) I will say I’m enjoying the interest on our capital one online-only account (that we opened because of a special extra cash offer), but I think people generally prefer Ally.

In terms of ethics, I have no idea, though obviously Bank of America and Wells Fargo have many strikes against them on that front.

There’s some online people who have looked at the question of ethics, as you note, but I’m not sure how trustworthy the sites are.  Here’s the ethical consumer for UK banks and here’s nerdwallet with US banks.

Mr. Millionaire says:

I love Ally (not sponsored). The only drawback is that if I want to deposit cash (side hustle), I have to buy a money order and mail it in.

gasstationwithout pumps says:

When my son and I were both looking for interest-bearing accounts, we ended up with Alliant Credit Union. For us, it is online only, except that we can use any credit-union ATM for deposits and withdrawals. The interest rate is a bit better than Ally or Capital One. It’s early days yet, but the only problem I’ve had was depositing the check for closing out the Wells Fargo account—it exceeded the maximum for ATM transactions, and I had to do a 2-step transfer (first in-person at my local credit union, then electronically from there). It is a good idea to retain one local brick-and-mortar institution in your portfolio.

Maybe the readers will have more suggestions?

My family and WWII

Nazis suck.

My father was a child in one of the countries the Nazis trampled.  He doesn’t talk about it.  He still has an odd fascination with fire that shows itself with birthday cake candles.  And he’s 5’2″ because although he never went hungry, he didn’t get a lot of nutrition either.  His mother and siblings moved to the US after the war.

I found out recently that although my bonmama was Catholic (along with most of my family on both sides), her father was Jewish.  Her husband (I’m not clear if this would be my grandfather or my step-grandfather) moved to Argentina with his mistress after the war (taking all the money, and triggering Bonmama and her children’s migration), and it is thought that he was a Nazi sympathizer.  Funny what one learns when Nazis are in the news again.

My mother’s mother joined the war effort as a nurse.  At her (Catholic, military) funeral, this time period featured prominently as the most important time in her life.  She rose up the ranks in the air force to become a Captain.  When she taught me how to knit, she gifted me with the knitting needles she’d used to while away the time flying towards a battlefield.  On the way back, the needles would be put away while they tended the wounded.

She met my grandfather during the war.  He wasn’t an enlisted man.  I’m not sure why not– whether it was preference or a medical condition.  He was a counselor for the American Red Cross.  While my grandmother treated the physical consequences of war, he treated the mental and emotional consequences.

My maternal grandparents’ commitment to public service filtered down to most of their children (I guess technically my horrible Trump-loving uncle is a forest ranger).  My uncles are veterans, one aunt is a federal judge, the other is a nurse practitioner who ran a hospital system.  My mom, the professor, was elected to our local school board for several terms.

We can’t let Nazi values of hatred and fascism take hold in the US.  We need to honor the ideals of this country that fought against evil in the second WW.  It is true that our own history is full of horrors like slavery and internment and xenophobia.  But we can’t let those forces win.  We must keep fighting.  Concentration camps didn’t start killing people overnight.  Germany didn’t start out evil.  We cannot tolerate injustice.  Keep calling your representatives.  Keep protesting.  Keep recruiting people to vote and donating and encouraging campaigns.  It’s a long slog to freedom.  But the alternative is something our grandparents lived.  They fought with their lives.  We should fight with our time and money and words so that we don’t have to get to that point.

What did your family do in WWII?  How was your family changed by it?

One reason not to consolidate bank accounts

Bank of America freezing accounts of customers suspected of not being US citizens.

When you have multiple accounts, you have access to multiple streams of money.  If the US government infiltrates one and steals your stuff, chances are that they won’t get everyplace at the same time.  There will be some warning.  So if something of yours gets seized, you’ll be able to live off of one of your other accounts while finding a lawyer (or, if we continue going the pre-WWII Germany route, getting your ducks in order to flee the country).  If, say, Bank of America is your only account, then you’re going to run up a lot of credit card debt (or worse) while waiting for things to be sorted out.  If you can get them sorted out.

Now, of course, it doesn’t have to be fascism that causes inaccessibility to one of your accounts.  Sometimes your account will get compromised by theft or there will be some kind of clerical error that freezes an account.  When DH’s debit card got spoofed and our Wells Fargo account was temporarily frozen, I was grateful to have access to a checkbook from a credit union account with money in it to pay the monthly bills.

How would you access money if your main account got frozen?

 

Link love

Mississippi senate race headed to runoff November 27th.  Click here to donate.

For our Texans

Why is it so hard for the media to say that racism is racist?

Trump’s election stunt border deployment could cost between $200M and $300M

How fascism is using cult psychology to recruit (via public debate…)

Why conservatives collectively pretend to believe something they don’t believe

1984 is now

Why reading diversity is important

large cluster of deep sea octopuses

Thoughts on employing post-docs

Sex…Romance…Frugality

Basement cat strikes again

Word of Tom: Other students

Ask the grumpies: Have you seen the pursuit of happyiness?

Leah asks:

Have you seen the movie “Pursuit of Happyness”? I watched it with my students tonight. I was amazed to learn it was a true(ish?) story. Does it just break your heart?

Neither of us have… heard of it?  Oh hey, it’s that one with Will Smith and his son.  I guess one of us has heard of it.  I didn’t want to see it partly because I get a little squicked with monetized inspiration porn these days and partly because I don’t really watch movies because they’re too long and I just don’t have time or the attention span.