Here, for my own use and possibly yours, is a collection of responses that I often make in internet conversations. (I use “conversation” loosely here.)
Mix-n-match for your own purposes!
Duty calls: https://xkcd.com/386/
I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/i-dont-know-how-to-explain-to-you-that-you-should_us_59519811e4b0f078efd98440
I cannot believe…
Leopards are classic:
And, if all else fails:
Got any good ones to add, Grumpeteers?
Grumpy Rumblings (of the formerly untenured) 
August 23, 2017 at 5:40 am
Thanks for the “I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people” link. Great article, and it expresses one of my biggest frustrations with talking to people about politics/world issues.
August 23, 2017 at 5:50 am
I’m also fond of the “that’s not how any of this works” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNZFdZnYR44 and of course “you keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIP6EwqMEoE
Related to #SIWOTI you can always use #FWDAOTI (f’ing with dumbasses on the internet)
August 23, 2017 at 5:52 am
Excellent choices
August 23, 2017 at 5:24 pm
Nothing clever. It’s all I can do to leave out the swear words sometimes.
One thing I add to a lot of petitions: “We rely on you to protect the public and ethical businesses from unethical businesses.” That’s when I want to say DO YOUR JOB!
And I try to use the tactic, “You say you want [good thing], but this is [opposite bad thing].” I got to use that yesterday when I was accidentally invited to complete a one-question survey about how I felt about the president’s work so far, with an optional question on explaining my answer. i was selected because I am a valued Trump supporter. But I can tell from the address they used that one of the typo-ridden other Debbies who keeps giving out my address instead of theirs is the real Trump supporter. I had five paragraphs of “Trump said [good sounding thing], but he’s doing [opposite astoundingly bad thing].” Mwahaha!
August 23, 2017 at 6:02 pm
I’m a huge fan of The Princess Bride responses.
August 24, 2017 at 10:46 am
that last one made me LOL.