Debbie M asks:
What is your favorite way you’ve made progress on some personal goal?
I wish I had an answer. I don’t! Maybe I’m just bad at personal goals? I have work goals, but lately I’ve been failing at them. (Though I keep trying!) [Update: when I first wrote the answer to this question I’d had a big spate of rejections at work… I’m a bit more even-keeled now there.] I think I’m goal oriented, but only at work, and when I have a goal I tend to focus on it maybe too much. So maybe it’s healthy for me to not have goals in my personal life because that would turn it into work and I couldn’t actually enjoy it? I don’t know.
I mean I guess we’ve had money goals and I’ve enjoyed the way the stock market has helped us be able to pay full tuition for DC1. Hopefully that will also work with DC2!
In terms of favorite way to make progress with a monetary goal– I like taking the money out before I ever really see it so it doesn’t feel like a loss. Like, having 529 plan money auto-deducted from the savings account right around when I get paid. Or having money taken directly from my paycheck to go towards my retirement accounts so it never actually ends up in my bank account. Then I like mostly ignoring it so I don’t notice losses. (Checking in only occasionally means it’s almost always a net gain!) So I guess automatic progress without me having to do anything after the initial set-up. Set and forget! That’s my favorite way to make progress on a personal goal.
Grumpy Nation– Do you have better answers for Debbie M? Inspire us!
Grumpy Rumblings (of the formerly untenured) 
May 10, 2024 at 3:28 am
I think the biggest lever is having a deadline.
Borrowing books on my kindle motivated me to finish books before the deadline….that is before I discovered the airplane mode trick and now I’m taking way longer to finish a book again. I most consistently lost weight when I had a weekly weigh in with a coach but the moment I spotted, the weight crept up again. So I guess the trick only works until you stop.
I am now trying to figure out health stuff that is more sustainable long term, like don’t keep junk food in the house, etc.
I have a similar stance on monetary goals. Auto deduct before you see it so it’s like the money never existed and you learn to live within whatever budget you setup.
May 10, 2024 at 5:53 am
Hmmm. Some time back, I wanted to start running (not really “wanted” but was looking for some form of aerobic exercise that would be straightforward-ish to incorporate into my life) and tried couch-to-5k which many people (including people who report not having like running) LOVE. I hated it. Hated it. Even though I know I am not a morning person and had already incorporated the step of never running before noon as part of my plan.
I quit running.
Then I discovered “Listen Up Maggots!” by Dr. Mama (you can google it) and tried that and it worked. Like, I found it straightforward, did it, and learned to like running. Well, jogging. In the afternoon or evening. And I realized that for me what made the difference between those 2 things (the end goal of each of which is roughly, “Jog for about a half hour every other day”) is that Couch to 5k is an interval training program where you start out by running short intervals (and walking the rest) across a 30-minute stretch. In contrast, Listen Up Maggots! involves starting jogging once, continuing slowly until you need to stop, and then walking until 30 minutes is up.
Key difference? With the latter, I only needed to start running once. With the former, I had to decide over and over again that now I would start running again. Hated it. Hated it. Can decide to start running once. Cannot (happily) decide to start running over and over again (maybe I could now — I’ve kind of grown to enjoy running — but man did I not enjoy it then).
I’m now trying to add weight training to my life (osteoporosis risk reduction, etc.) and recently realized that maybe I should just grab 5 lb. weights and lift them in the various ways I do (when I do, which I need to do more) until I have to stop or reach 100 reps, whichever comes first. I’m earnestly considering trying this (or heavier weights and smaller numbers, haven’t decided), for just 1 set each time (every other day, as with jogging). Perhaps not ideal, but I have to think if I can stand to do it, it’s better than the “better” approaches that … I am not currently doing and do not enjoy.
May 20, 2024 at 5:51 am
I am also terrible at starting. Some advice on taking regular breaks (like from studying) does not work for me. Once I start, I better not artificially insert a break or I may never come back.
May 10, 2024 at 5:57 am
Deadlines on personal goals stress me out (deadlines on prof. goals stress me out too, I guess–but they’re inevitable :)).
It helps me to think of things as being about general well-being rather than calculable data. THe “I get to do this” rather than “I HAVE to do this.” So thinking I’ll read for pleasure every day is a personal treat, but determining to read X books or pages stresses me out. Hiking is a treat, but having to work on goals Apple may determine for me is stressful.
I’m a humanities prof., BTW. I imagine it is different for people with a different disciplinary mindset!?
May 10, 2024 at 6:06 am
Nah, we also hate being forced to read some arbitrary number of books. #2 discovered this when she tried a steampunk challenge for the blog. I think I always knew? Book clubs and those NY resolutions of “read X books” have always been a turnoff for me— makes it like work even though we’re not humanities profs.
May 10, 2024 at 6:08 am
Back in the day, we used to get into blog fights with Laura vanderkam on this topic because she could not understand the desire to have free time be truly free instead of scheduled and improving.
May 10, 2024 at 6:13 am
Oh! Thanks for *saying* this. Constant self-improvement, monetizing every hobby, and an over-scheduled lifestyle do not strike me as a good life.
May 10, 2024 at 6:29 am
I mean, she seems happy. But like could not understand why we don’t want to go to church/ jog with a friend/ go to a basketball game (examples of her suggestions, all of which sound really unpleasant) every single weekend. Like I just want a day or two where I can relax and not have to be anywhere or getting anything done. (Also I am fine with doing laundry and other chores on weekends so I can focus more during the week.)
People can have different preferences and that’s ok! Possibly I should have said, but have you tried just… not? Except I think it actually does work for her and I’m not sure the lesson of stopping pushing your preferences on people who don’t share them and have already said no would have come across. I think you need certain inflexibility to become a guru.
May 11, 2024 at 12:49 am
>> But like [LV] could not understand why we don’t want to go to church/ jog with a friend/ go to a basketball game (examples of her suggestions, all of which sound really unpleasant) every single weekend.
I stopped reading LV and a couple of similar bloggers years ago. They are just way too different from me and all their content stresses me out. I can’t relate at all to these extroverted ES Myers-Briggs types.
I also thrive on unstructured time; it’s imperative for me in order to feel grounded. Not every millisecond needs to be “productive,” in the service of self-improvement or hustle, nor it is even possible if you’re doing anything remotely creative. The creative well needs to be replenished and the subconscious has to be allowed to wander and do its thing. Rigidity is not conducive to creative work long term.
May 11, 2024 at 3:53 am
I never thought of it as related to introversion but you’re right!
May 10, 2024 at 6:33 am
I should have elaborated that it would not have been a good choice for *me*. :)
May 10, 2024 at 6:43 am
Me neither!
May 10, 2024 at 7:51 am
For work: I keep a running handwritten list of projects and I have a separate list of daily to dos. Every so often I get to go to the big project list and cross out major items on it which makes me realize that I am actually making progress even though some days is reeeeaaaalllly doesn’t feel like it.
Exercise: I realized that expecting 30 min of exercise was waaaaaayyyyy too big a number for me when I was starting. So I told myself I could do 3-5 min and then quit. At first that is all I could do, and it was enough. I quickly built up to 10 min, then 15 min, and now I can do 30-60 min most days without feeling like I am going to die. Some days I still feel like I can’t motivate to do a longer workout and I will tell myself “just 5 min” to get going. Sometimes I stop at 5, and sometimes I can go a bit longer. For running (irrelevant now: see — plantar fasciitis) I decided I wanted to be faster, so 1) I did 1 min pickups where I ran harder on outdoor runs building up to longer and faster over time, 2) I increased my “slow” pace from 4.5 mph to 5 mph and held it as long as I could at which point I would decrease to 4.5 again. I worked up from 5 min to 30 that way.
Fun: I love to lie around the house, but I also benefit from doing things like going out to dinner and seeing friends. I have to schedule these activities for myself in advance or else I won’t go.
Books: I have a running TBR. Sometimes I read a lot. Sometimes I read less. Why on earth would someone want to suck the joy out of reading by setting a goal or competing with themselves over it. Yuck.
May 20, 2024 at 6:02 am
I like your minimum exercise goal, and the fact that you will actually let yourself stop at 5 minutes is cool. You can trust yourself to not make yourself go on if you really don’t want to.
A friend of mine had a similar strategy at this one pizza place. When she first got there, she always wanted two slices because it’s delicious. But she started ordering only one slice at first and then letting herself get a second slice if she was still hungry after that.
I’ve just made my first TBR list. Wow, it got long fast! Admittedly, I made the list because I was losing my ability to keep track of all the things I wanted to read!
I do have reading goals, but they (mostly) don’t have deadlines. I especially like that if I want to spend way more time in one direction, I can. Like I want to read books set in different countries, and if I find an author I like, I’ll read a bunch of their books, even though they’re all set in the same country. Some have a goal to read one book from each country in a single year. Yikes!
May 10, 2024 at 8:23 am
If you want to help a teacher progress on a personal goal of getting diverse books (including LGBT+ books) into kids’ hands in Ohio, this project is being matched today for the last day of teacher appreciation week: https://www.donorschoose.org/project/knowledge-is-power/8186629/ . That means your $25 donation gets $50 knocked off the total.
Also, the more donors a project gets, the more likely DonorsChoose will advertise it, meaning the more likely it will be to actually complete, so even a small donation can have a big impact on the chance for funding.
May 10, 2024 at 10:18 am
Work stuff: checklists all the way. I simply cannot remember all the things to do otherwise. But I don’t have GOALS at work, I’m just here to get the work done, support my team the best I can, and make sure everyone is treated right. That’s more of a life motto than a goal.
I like personal savings goals but that’s just because I like money and I crave the financial security we never had when I was a kid. Set it and forget it is generally my investing strategy, with minor tweaks when things come up like massive bills that require pausing saving/investing.
I’ve never had a reading goal, other than to get my hands on every book I’m interested in, I don’t really see the point of having one for myself.
May 10, 2024 at 10:44 am
Financial security is the BEST!
May 11, 2024 at 2:14 pm
It’s my favorite!
May 11, 2024 at 1:09 pm
I don’t know if this answers Debbie’s question, but I realized I like those goal trackers that have you color in blocks when you make progress, so I create my own for various goals. For example, for exercise, I drew out a Candy Land-style path where every 10-15 spaces I fill in, I give myself some type of reward (buy a new plant, see a movie, etc.) I like that I don’t have a set timeline for completing x sessions, but the more I do, the more boxes I get to fill in. (We’re also board game players in our house.)
May 20, 2024 at 6:09 am
Cool. I’ve only done that once. I participated in National Novel Writing Month where you try to write 50,000 words to a story in a month. They gave me a sticker and I added a star to it after every 10,000 words.
Oh, and one time in grad school there was a huge exercise chart and every day the participants would write how many miles they walked or jogged (or the equivalent–I think biked miles dived by 5 and swimming miles times 3). Then someone got the total each day and plotted the distance on a map. When we got from Austin to Florida we were going to have a party. (We did make it, but it was deep into finals so we didn’t have the party. But we DID have a party when we got to New Orleans, so that was cool.)